Feigning Numbness

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I go back to work on Thursday and there's a big part of my heart that is already breaking at the thought of it. I've been away from her at the most for 5 hours. I knew this was going to be extremely difficult, but I had no idea it was going to be this hard. Luckily, I should be pretty busy when I head back, so at least I'll have that distraction. I've allotted half an hour in my day to excuse myself to the bathroom in another part of the building to have a good cry. Tomorrow I'm printing off my favorite pictures of her to carry in my fancy picture wallet, plus, I'm going to fill my digital picture frame with her image so I can remind myself why I work and that I'm helping to provide for her. So for you moms, does it get easier? What is the curve? When will it be a little more routine and you don't freak out so much?Seriously, I love my job. I absolutely love the benefits. I love that I contribute a little bit to society. I enjoy the adult interaction. I'm not whining, just trying to find a balance is all.

Anyhow, tomorrow is my 3 year anniversary. I found this link 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge and I'm going to read up on it and see if I can better convey my appreciation to my beloved. I think I do a pretty good job, but there's always room for improvement, right?

New news:

I finally went to the dentist. At long last, I've let go of my hissy fit and found someone that I feel comfortable with. Unfortunately, after 18 years I have not just one, but TWO cavities. Bleh! Oh well, I'll get those filled and it'll be like new. My mouth feels incredible!! Wheee! Happy teeth again.

Also, I dropped off my work clothes to be pressed and cleaned. It was nice not having that monster dry cleaning bill for the past few months. But even better than that was to see my old clothes that I hadn't worn since this time last year! Woohoo! They actually fit and they looked pretty good. Exciting stuff.

I got the cleaning bug today. So I power cleaned from 3 to 5. When Don got home, he jumped right on in and picked up and helped out. I'm so blessed to have him and his help. Our floors are scrubbed clean and shiny, my clothes are put away, I filled a ridiculously large bag of clothes and other goodies to be donated, and the house smells delightful. I just love a tidy home. I'm glad I made the time to get this done. I had some other goals in mind to achieve before I went back to work, but I would much rather sit still watching Mari and pouring over every small movement than sort old paperwork. =) I can't buy more time, but I can be patient enough to organize the office.

I got to see the friends today. I had a spa party at my house and we were all pampered and scrubbed and exfoliated to the extreme, and it was marvelous. Amazing how a little bit of scrubbing makes a world of difference.

Guapo is beginning to have a more difficult time with the adjustment. At first he was really good, but now he's becoming more and more over protective of the baby. He barks more at the door and at people. He herds people and gives a thorough smell-over before letting them pass to the baby. It is sweet, but a little annoying. I'm working with him to be gentler and calmer, but man, it is tough! I can understand, though. How cute is she??
Lastly, we are doing a great job at our volleyball league. It is a rec league, so not nearly as competitive as the past, but still loads of fun. Right now we are tied for 2nd place and tomorrow we face the number 1 team again. If we win, then it is sure to be quite a show during the play-offs. It feels great to be running around in the sand and playing again. I forgot how much I missed it!
Anyway, that's it! Have a fabulous hump day!


The Steinman Squad said...

It does get easier, but "Mommy guilt" is evil. My cube is plastered with pictures of the girls and it does help to see their smiling, sweet faces when I need a moment. I will tell you that when you least expect it, it'll creep in to your day and you'll miss her so much and question your decision. The first day is the absolute toughest and the first week is a little hard. I cried the whole way driving to work the first time I dropped Brooke off and came back to work. But each day gets easier. Then you settle in to your routine and things seem to even out. When she goes through her seperation anxiety phase it'll be tough again. But you have a strong network of friends and there are just as many benefits to her being with other people and other kids as there are with her being with her Mommy. I have noticed that I am very selfish with my weekend time and evening time with the girls though - I don't want to be away from them at all after missing them during the day all week. Call me or email if you need a little extra support or a shoulder to lean on. You can do it!

The Potts Family said...

Ditto on the comment from the steinman squad. I am just as selfish with my weeknights and weekends. I try and soak her in during those times.
I had to go back to work when Braelyn was 5 weeks and it was really hard. What helps me get
through the day is knowing she is being loved and taken care of by very good people. We are lucky enough to have my mom and Jay's mom each put in one day and then have a sitter who watches her the other three days in her home with her little boy. I adore my sitter. She is the best and a GOD SEND.

Personally, I would give anything to be able to stay home or work part time, but financially it is not an option.

Its good that you enjoy your job and you'll be busy. There is nothing worse than a day that drags on when you miss your baby.
But, she will still know you are MOMMY. That was my biggest concern.....that she'd not really know who Mommy was b/c I wasn't with her enough. But, she does.

The Potts Family said...

btw, Braelyn has the exact same outfit that Mari is wearing! I love those green striped pants. So comfy and great when they start crawling!

CopyRight © | Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan