My darling daughter,

Do you know what a joy it is to be your mother? When my alarm goes off in the morning, I have one that sounds 5 minutes before you awake. This is to ensure that I am at a point in my morning routine to stop, walk down the hallway and wake you with a hug. Who doesn't want to start their day with a hug. It took me a bit to realize this is something that you likely needed, but more than you, it was something I needed to.

This year, you have achieved milestones. In the course of your short volleyball career, you've managed to find your serve. You are an excellent leader, you have fun, and best of all, you are an excellent teammate. You celebrate with your friends when they excel and you encourage them when they aren't their best. You are a heavy critic with yourself and while it breaks my heart a bit to see you get so down, I am appreciative of your internal voice pushing you to be better.

 

We had an extended family vacation filled with plenty of outdoor activities. It was my hope that you would fall in love with the Pacific like I did so many years ago. My heart leapt each time I saw you dancing with the waves on the shore. You took to each water sport as if it were second nature, not surprising, but I remained in awe. You wanted me to join you, saying, "C'mon, Mommy! It is easy, watch." Surfing and paddle boarding in the ocean are definitely not easy, but I liked that you felt that I could do it just as easily as you. One of my favorite moments was when we held hands while we snorkeled. Together, we watched life below the surface. I never felt more like a mermaid than in that moment, and it was definitely a happy feeling.

This year, you also had your first job! Because of a friends keen eye and consideration, you hired as a model for a local renowned sculptor. You posed for her and witnessing the process---an artist creating a likeness of you---was poignant and meaningful. Soon, your 9 year old likeness will be in a public space for many to enjoy. I can't wait to see it and be able to visit it when you are older!

You also encountered other milestones, ones that I hoped you wouldn't have to face again for a long time. With grace, you dealt with unwanted attention from classmates, and were empowered by using your voice to speak up and say, "No, this isn't right." I'm grateful for your school for working with you, to listen to you, and allow you to use your voice rather than dismiss you! You managed to work through it with very little intervention from your parents. In that moment, you needed us a little bit less, which was bittersweet. You are unwavering in your character, knowing at this young age what feels comfortable and stating clearly, when things are not.

You are coming into your own! You are inquisitive, creative, intuitive, passionate, inspiring, stubborn, fearless, loyal, considerate, definitely an authentic individual! We've made it these first ten years. I continue to be unapologetically emotional, showing you that it is more than ok to be vulnerable. I remain your biggest advocate.  I am humbled to be your mother. I'm filled with pride when you accomplish the goals you've set for yourself. Most of all, I'm just so thankful to share this life with you. Thank you for making me a mommy.

 Happy 10th, Bug!

Be An Encourager

More than three years ago, my younger brother embarked on a journey for personal growth. During that journey, he began to ask himself questions like, “What does it mean for me to be wealthy? What makes me happiest?” I have asked myself those same questions in the past and still do an annual check-in around my birthday and the new year to define said things. My journey is different from his, as ours is different from you, the reader. (If you haven’t asked yourself these questions in a while, you totally should.)

Begrudgingly, he accepted a challenge to run a 5K for my 35th birthday and not-so-quietly told me that he wasn’t sure if he would be able to actually run a continuous mile, but he would try. For work, he is required to be on his feet 10+ hours a day. Small movements and walking, but nevertheless, standing. I work in an office. I am grateful to have a convertible desk that allows me to sit and stand. I mention this because if you try to run longer distances, part of what you have to get used to is being on your feet for a longer amount of time than what most people are. I knew he would be able to complete the 5K walking. I wanted to help him set a goal that seemed unrealistic—one that he would never have set for himself. That’s my job as his older sister. He finished that first 5K just under 50 minutes, which is about a 16 minute per mile pace.

Here is where I give you a bit of backstory: He is the youngest of our siblings. He has always done things his way, many times, not the way I would approach it or even understand it for that matter, but it is his way. Our older sister is an accomplished athlete who has had to overcome so many obstacles, the most recent being Rheumatoid Arthritis. In spite of that, she still manages to not only persevere, but achieve victory. She is incredibly driven and ambitious! If you have read my blog, then you know I suffer a myriad of health issues—most of which I quietly dismiss and consider them more of “bonus rounds” in this game of life, much to the dismay and disagreement of my doctors. Our family has a history with obesity, high blood pressure, heart disease, and depression. Those are our predisposed genetics that we have working against us. However, also in our DNA are things that can’t be measured. We are a friendly people who overcome. We can endure, even if we don’t like what we must endure. We are fiercely tenacious and stubborn. We are hardcore and a little crazy because we typically surpass people’s expectations of us. We are adventurous, committed, and loyal to the causes near and dear to our hearts, especially when it comes to familia.

At that time, Brother was incredibly overweight. I must admit, I was both worried and jealous. Worried because I didn’t want to see him struggle with his quality of life like others in our family. Jealous because his body is otherwise perfect and unbroken and he can keep pushing it like I wish I could push mine. <—There I said it. I’ve finally admitted it, ok, so let’s move forward. Remember that initial 5K I mentioned, well, it was less than six months later that he found himself faced with another 5K and this time, he ran it in the high 30s---under 40 minutes---and all he did was commit to moving a little more more each week, as in actually running a mile at least once a week. A year later, he opted to run a 5K in the Fall that worked with my marathon training schedule . I was to do 15+ that day, and the plan was to finish my mileage with the 5K. I finished my race, turned around, and jogged back to find him and encourage him to finish strong! He wasn’t hardly that far behind me. That race, was a sub-30 5K for him—and the tears flowed. By that point, he’d lost 40+ pounds (I think it was actually closer to 60!) and he was more determined to keep going in the right direction. At his pace. In his own way.

Last year, he asked me to run a 5K with him. He’d chosen the Insane Inflatables 5K. It was a mostly flat course on a dead soccer field, cold, and windy, but all was immediately forgotten when we started running. We went with a Super Hero motif and enjoyed ourselves as we bounced around remembering what it was like to be a kid flailing against the bouncy walls of the jump houses from our youth.

Afterwards, with a wry smile, I challenged him to a Half Marathon. He let out an incredulous balk and grumbled, “Never, ever, not ever.” at me. But there it was, I planted the seed. I went on to run the rest of my races for the year and he did a few more themed 5Ks. 

We are fortunate enough to set some time aside each year to gather as a family to make tamales and do our Christmas exchange. We don’t draw names in our family. Our mother doesn’t like to be limited by giving gifts, because that is her love language. So each of us gets gifts for everyone in the family and we have tremendous fun! Like every year, my brother asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I thought long and hard about it. I wanted an experience with my brother. I wanted something fun and challenging. I wanted something that would make us better. “Brother, I want you to run a Half Marathon with me. Rock and Roll is on sale, which makes it incredibly affordable. This gives you more than enough time to train for it! That’s what I want for my gift.—And Texas Tech socks.” He tried to encourage me to have other material items and after failed lobbying attempts, we stopped having the conversation. After our gift exchange, I looked to him and inquired where his receipt was for his entry fee. I didn’t find them in my socks, which were quite amazing, too. “Check your email.” *tears* I was humbled. This was going to be difficult for him. This was going to require commitment and a dramatic change from within. This was going to make us better. I did my best to give tips and suggestions for training. I became an accountability partner. I reminded him that it was coming. I shared inspirational videos and generally did my best to be an encourager.

The weekend arrived and his level of anxiety was the same level the night before he had football try-outs fifteen years earlier. The weather didn’t help to give any comfort, either. A cold front had blown in, so we were likely to have a cool race and wind. Hooray for no rain, I suppose. Luckily, he had planned for this just in case and had packed tights and a long sleeve. That morning, we crossed the starting line holding hands and I said a silent prayer for him. I took off and ran my race with intermittent notifications that he was still going strong. Earlier, I asked his goal. He replied, “I want to finish the race and not die.” “Brother you aren’t gonna die.” “I am hoping to finish in 3:30. I will be really excited if I can finish in 3:20.” “Ok. I’ll see you at the finish line.” Like most recent races, I’d visited the medical tent, but only allowed myself 20 minutes in there so I could be there to welcome the rest of the family who was running.

I forgot to mention this part! My cousin Margie had signed up for the race. This was her second half and after completion, we would celebrate her birthday. She managed to convince her brother Phillip and his wife Sylvia  to run this race—both Navy Chiefs. My brother and I convinced Margie’s son, our cousin Michael to run this race. We were Team Mediocre. Because all of us might be mediocre runners, but in life, I’d like to think we are all far from mediocre.  A couple of weeks ago, our younger cousin Elijah passed away unexpectedly. We were going to make shirts for this race, but we wanted to dedicate this run to him. On each of our right sleeves was por Elijah. He was Phillip & Sylvia’s (and his ex-wife Norma, too) son. It was a devastating and tragic blow to our family, but we wanted to have him with us. As if the run wasn’t difficult enough, my primo Phillip ran most of the race with a cup of coffee in his hand. In it was actual coffee, because water and Gatorade are for punks. (I’m sure he had some of that for himself, but the story is better this way.) Military folks, I tell ya! See, I said our family was hard core.

Michael arrived as I was exiting the medical tent, followed closely by my cousin Phillip, and my speedy sheep friend Meighan, who is my running BFF. Shortly after, I went to say hello to my Beloved and to some of my other friends, as well. (If you are reading this, thank you for helping me when I finished running and for making sure I made it to safety!) While I was chatting, my phone notification went off telling me my Brother had crossed. My heart leapt and I ran towards the finisher area to find him.

BROTHER!!!!

He looked at me and I was already sobbing.

3:11!!!!!!!!

You blew your goal out of the water!!!!! He had tears in his eyes, too. I’m not sure if it was because he was in pain, he was happy, or angry. I believe it is the myriad of emotions almost every recreational runner feels after a race—especially one that is incredibly grueling. it is a feeling of disbelief, accomplishment, and pride. Three hours and eleven minutes. Fourteen weeks of training. One incredibly special Christmas gift delivered to me in the only way he could.

Be an encourager of growth and you will receive an infinite amount of indescribable rewards. Thank you Brother (and family & friends—especially those of you who supported us!), this was one of the greatest gifts you’ve ever given me!

2014 TCS NYC Marathon Miles Dedication

religion: a particular system of faith and worship

To me, running is a type of religion. Not because I’m worshipping the god of running, but because rather it is a system of faith and worship. I am wholly present in my mind, my acts intentional, my faith LOUD—within me.
So while I run, it should come as no surprise that I often find myself meditating, holding tightly onto mantras I chant to myself, I’ll pray the rosary, but where I find the absolute BEST peace is when I consider and pray for others. With that in mind, these are my miles dedications.

1. My mother – The first mile is the most exciting mile. It requires the highest climb, with the freshest legs, and the most enthusiasm that you will have to control to make it through the rest of the race. Wings to fly, legs to run…Mom, I remember all of the times you were in my peripheral vision, cheering me, championing me, willing me to strive to be the best I could possibly be. Hurt back, push through. Fall down, pick yourself and keep moving forward. Crying, wipe your tears and smile. This is a race of endurance and motherhood is such a race.

2. Sister – For all of my childhood, I chased you. Literally and figuratively, I chased you to become more like you. When you pushed me away, it hurt, but it taught me that I needed to be my own person—and whomever that was, you would be there to support me, regardless of my choice. This mile, is an easy mile, through a Brooklyn neighborhood that I know you would enjoy visiting.

3. Brother – Because there was a time not long ago that you didn’t think you could run a 5K, and just a short while ago, I turned around to find you, insisting that I NEEDED to cross that line with you. Not because I didn’t think you could do it, but because I wanted to grin from ear to ear and witness you crossing! All of those times you cheered for me and watched me succeed, I needed to be there for a big moment for you. This mile, we run together, not racing, just running on a cool morning while the sun kisses our cheeks. Turn up that Milky Chance Stolen Dance and let’s find our groove.

4.  Tesla – You will be 4 next year, even though you want to say you are 4 this year. You were the 4th member of my family. Your tiny spirit brings so much joy to everyone who meets you. You are so unabashedly stubborn and are so completely focused on your goals , it is something that I try to remember for myself.Baby, Mommy loves you and can’t wait for you to see the new medal to add to the collection!

5. My Brooklyn Beauties – Gen, Mali, Teej, I’ll be looking for you. Each of you inspire me in so very many different ways. All of you are so very strong, both emotionally and physically, I’m running your burough’s streets!

6.  Marisabelle – For you I learned what it meant to be a mother. Because of you, I try my hardest to be the very best mother you need me to be. You show me grace, you show me patience, you have given the the opportunity of wonder…and when I feel like my legs are heavy, I’ll remember your little voice, goading me: “Let’s race, Mommy! I can be fast like you!” Yes, baby, you compliment me by saying you are fast like me. You are already faster than me—and I love it!

7. Internet Friends – I was afforded in real life friendships with you and am able to maintain our friendship online. This means you Camille from Twitter, who shares a similar humor as I do. This also means you Makita, who has a beautiful and vulnerable strength I’ve not seen before—because of you, I am stronger in my actions and more purposeful.

8. For Diego, Kittens, & Unicorns – Diego went on a few of my early training runs with me, fumbling through each step until we figured it out. Your time with us was brief, but your tender spirit lives on. Kittens because well, I’m not allergic to them yet and they are so soft and adorable, and just want to curl up to be loved. Unicorns because they are fabulous and awesome!

9. For my Primo, Simon – Nine rhymes with wine and well, I know you love it! Simon, your wit, your but gusting laughter, and the wine….oh so much wine! I know if you were in town, you’d be cheering for me, throwing water balloons filled with some kind of libation at me, singing Fuego fuego…

10. My Min-Min – You’ve not questioned my sanity for wanting to do this. Instead, you’ve reached out to me to be sure we remain connected in spite of me running all of the miles all of the time. Whether you are there waiting for me at the end of the race with jello shots ready to share a hearty carb-load meal, you are there for me. Even now, I know you will be shouting from where ever you are enjoying Sunday Funday.

11. Margie – Adelante y orgullo: I only barely understood the definition of those words when I first chewed on them. Now, I understand them more. I can’t hardly get the words out to write more because the emotion just flows straight from my heart and out of my eyes. Happy tears of joy and gratitude. I’m so, so, so grateful for you!! I give thanks for your life, for your willingness to fight and continue to fight, every day.

12. Shannon – What a pleasure it was to find you at mile 12 during the Plano Balloon Festival Half. I was struggling, but with you, I was able to push through that final mile. Your exercise posts keep me accountable and remind me to not lazy around.

13. My Happy Half Marathoners – Each of you, declaring publicly which races you would run and peer pressure would kick in and I’d sign up. Mostly to ensure I’d hit my training run milestones, but even more so to be with you all. I didn’t and don’t want to miss any time I get with y’all. For the laughs, the grunts, the aches, the tears, the hugs, the encouraging words, the hilarity of so many things…thank you Dina, Meighan, Alison, Gail, Bonnie, and Danika. A great big heartfelt and SHOUTING dedication to Coach Sara, who has pushed me all along the way, encouraged me, and come up with creative solutions for any obstacle I threw at her!

14. Dan – I had no idea how much my life would change just by meeting you. My heart is more open, my eyes more open, my spirit willing to experience almost anything, entering the adventure with joy and enthusiasm. Just the way you live is a great example of how I want to live. I’m so glad you are not only my friend, but a mentor as well.

15. My extended family – I’m grateful for all of the strong aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, in-laws. Each of you have sent me words of encouragement! They mean so much to me. I consider the women in my life and how life will throw them a curve, and they just shrug their shoulders and deal. it’s how they are. When my Uncle Mutt gave me the biggest hug after a run and how he looked at me, I felt his pride and I was humbled. He reminded me of my previous life as an athlete in college and I remembered that she was still inside of me. My Aunt Frances cheering me on, giving me support, too! Thank you!

16. My Primo Phillip – Because this was the number of miles we walked that day in August while we cheered Don on. If I could have that much fun walking 16 miles in one of my most favorite cities, then I know I could run another 10 as long as I remembered the adventure we shared. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that day with me!

17. Carol – Your presence helped my training become possible. Otherwise, it would’ve been a greater challenge attempting to push the girls and log my miles. Your life changed dramatically at 17 and since then, you’ve persevered and thrived. I hope you see it that way because so many admire you, as I do. Thank you for all you did and all you do!

18. My Einstein’s Crew – Especially the Saturday morning gals! Renee for the distractions and laughter and Marisa for that last quarter mile sprint to finish strong! Fist bump!

19. My Inner Circle – You all know who you are. We may not see one another often. Sometimes it is in the parking log of a Dry Cleaner, on the phone on my way to the doctor office, for a quick bite to eat, when our kiddos play dress up, when I watch your daughter play volleyball, when we paint together, when we go camping, when we go cruising, when we meet for wine night, when we celebrate our kid’s birthdays…regardless, you are my family. For the big moments, you all are there! This one is for you!

20. Nina Dani – You never let a little thing like sleep or asthma or money get in the way of a good time. You are so giving and humble, for those traits and so many others, we chose you to be our daughter’s godmother. For believing in me, and telling me to shake off the haters.

21. My Beloved – You arrive at noon and will race to find me at some point along the way. Each training race, you have helped me recover by allowing for some quiet rest. During our training runs. you run ahead of me, letting me chase you, forcing me to be better. You believe in my dreams and champion me. You push me to find amazing and are there right by my side when I discover it. Thank you for this adventure!

22. My Michael – New York!! You are there now and it is near this mile you will find me. I love you and I can’t wait to see your face and laugh. I know there will be a great many more trips out to see you in the future, too! I already love the memories we’ve created there, so far.

23. Ada – Because Bianca Fight Never Dies, because running is stupid and why would any one want to do something like that outside when you can be crushing balls in the air conditioning, because people are idiot drivers who merge in the fast lane only to go slower than the speed limit, because of Whataburger taquitos, because of acorns on the ground, because “I’m like a bird,” because of cherries, because of tears of joy and tears of ache, because I am whole all over again when you hug me. This one is for you!

24. Lindsey – My Bish, my friend, even though you think I’ve lost my mind in doing this, you know that it was gone a longer time before that! I may be doing a type of zombie-like run at this point. I will endeavor to champion my inner zombie, made evident by your crew.

25. My Mavericks – Their financial and emotional support has been overwhelming and, as always, humbling. I have raised nearly $7,000 (and counting) for Robin Hood, largely because of their support. Amazing! When I turn the corner by the NY office, I will smile proudly and fondly knowing so many of my colleagues are cheering me on!

26. Daddy – The race is won by running. I will not give up. In the thundering echoes of the roaring crowd, I will hear your voice. I will keep going and know that THIS race…Life, I don’t give up. Even when I feel down, I am a VALENCIANO, I lift my chin, I look it square in the eye and say, “Bring it!”

.2. Me…that last quarter mile is for me. A celebration of what I’ve achieved and a moment of definition, of closure, and gleeful gratitude to my body. Thank you self, for this. You had many doubts if you could do it, but still you managed to get there.

My Romantic Dragon Slayer

Last August, I felt like I’d been through an emotional spin-cycle and somehow came out of it feeling like someone had shoved me through two tight rollers: leveled, sore, shattered but still alive. I’d been made aware to face my demons head-on and I’d felt so emotionally violated as a result of it that, well, I shut the world out. It was revisiting a familiar place, that I seem to cycle through, only this time…this time I was armed. This actually surprised me quite a bit. Mainly, I think it is because I was open to accepting grace and through the cracks, love shined through. The other times I had been in this state of depression, I’d felt so low, I allowed shame and grief to consume me. I didn’t reach out. I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone, largely in part because I was ashamed and mostly because I didn’t want to seem weak and burden someone else with my baggage. So I held tightly onto dark experiences, never openly admitting them to anyone. I had no idea how each of those experiences had left an invisible fingerprint onto how I viewed the world…how I reacted to people. It must be state-the-obvious day, but think about it some…Have you ever reflected on those miniscule moments in time that altered/shaped you? Look at a scar on your body and remember how fast the injury happened, but that everlasting scar, undeniable, and at times, blends in with the rest, but it is there.

When I graduated from college, I was able to share some time with my grandparents. My grandfather had motioned me to him, and let me know that the secret to a long life was to have a shot of tequila every day. If I felt sick, then tequila would cure me. If I was thirsty, the tequila would help. If I was cold, the tequila would warm me. And if I was melancholy, the tequila would medicate my soul. He even presented me with a clay pot that my grandmother told me he kept cool water in, but he whispered he kept some tequila in it, too. ha! I grew up believing my grandfather was this stern, proud stereotypical Latino who loved dancing, did not at all fear hard work, and had a passion for life. I was petrified to ever talk with him as a child. I really don’t know why. I remember his large, weathered hands…hands that had known hard labor for years. The smile creases around his eyes, that I liked to attribute to the many smiles he always gave me. I remember the feel of his stubble on my face and how, coupled with is aftershave, would make my face itch and burn. I remember the blessings he’d pray over our family before we would travel back home, especially in the later years, when he was in his maroon plaid robe, pajama pants, and black leather slippers. The mess of a curl atop his head transitioned from peppered to all white the last time I saw him. When he spoke, I listened.

My first experiences with tequila were quite typical: really bad hangovers—CRUDA. When my uncle passed away, the evening after his funeral, I splurged and bought a bottle of Don Julio 1942 tequila. It was the first sipping tequila I tried and what a completely different experience! I was uncertain if the experience was altered simply because I sat around with my aunt and cousins, sipping this tequila, remembering my uncle, hearing incredible tales of his life’s adventures. My favorite, was of him joining the Navy in spite of not knowing how to swim. The one of him jumping off the ship into the ocean could’ve been horrible, but instead, it was an incredulous moment of strength of spirit and my family’s tenacity. I smell that tequila and I remember my uncle fondly. I remember that evening, and I am connected to my family all over again.

After that evening, I wanted to explore tequila with new eyes. I tried infusing it differently and making fancier cocktails based on classic recipes. I was introduced to Casa Dragones through a local store that had a free tasting. Truthfully, it was on Mama Oprah’s list of favorite things and I wanted the chance to taste a bit of what true luxury felt like.  It was winter and I went with my work buddy. He and I held onto the Riedel tequila drinking glasses and sampled the very best tequila I had ever tasted. Fruity with a peppery-spice back end, the flavors were different, yet very much complimentary. At the price point, however, I was unable to dive into a full bottle.

I kept it in my mind and left it there locked away until last August. I needed comfort. I needed reassurance. I needed something larger than myself. When faced with irrational demons larger than dragons, I needed a dragon slayer. Emotional ache…I splurged on a bottle, that has lasted us very nearly a year. The emotions poured out of me as fluidly as this nectar. But I refused to associate that taste with pain. When given the chance, we would open the bottle and pour a little out to share with friends and family.

You can imagine my excitement when I was invited to another tasting! I’d already tasted it, but this time around, Bertha González Nieves, the first ever female Maestra Tequilera and the maker of Casa Dragones would be presenting the tasting. Additionally, Katherine Clapner, the chocolatier behind Dude, Sweet Chocolate would be there to pair her tasty morsels with the tequila. (chocolate + tequila=outstanding) It became an instant date, further made even more meaningful when one of my running heroes would be joining us along with his wife. I had no idea the tequila lesson we would gain that evening, nor was I prepared to witness the levels of romanticism of my beloved.

As the evening progressed, it felt like we were taking a special tour through San Miguel de Allende around Tequila through the region of Jalisco, Mexico. The breathtaking landscapes, full of rich nutrients ripe for the agave plant to produce the tequila. We were taught the three levels of the glass and what each section would yield in terms of flavor and scent. The objective of attending the tasting was just to learn more and share some quality time. When it came time to make a decision as to whether or not we would make the purchase, I humbly declined, simply because we had some larger upcoming expenses. I was grateful for the experience. I leaned over to Don, asking him if he would grab a photo of me with Bertha and Katherine. If given the opportunity to meet captains of industry, I always jump on it. If faced with the chance to meet females who are captains in the industry, I MUST meet them, grab a photo, and tell their story to my daughters to inspire them of the whole world that exists before them.


I tried to not be too much of a fangirl. I was so excited and I treasure this photo photo so much!

Then Don did something…he flagged down the order taker and grabbed a box. But not only did he grab a box, he struck up a conversation with Bertha González Nieves, encouraging me to tell her my grandfather’s advice. As I told her the story, her brown eyes penetrated my soul as she listened to the story from my heart. I was overcome with pride, my voice shaky, tears streaming from my face. The conversation was brief, but all of the memories flooded the forefront of my thought.  We told her of our daughters and how we try to not only share stories of inspiration of the strong women in our family and of those we met, but also how my culture is very much a part of their lives. We told her of the dreams we had for our daughters. We shared with her the story of my uncle passing. We shared with her how Casa Dragones has been there for us, already, in times of melancholy and in times of celebration. Yes, it is a bottle of tequila, but to us, there is so very much more rooted within the beautiful package.

And so, he handed the bottle to her and asked her to personalize it (when you purchased the bottle at this tasting, a master calligrapher would inscribe your words). She’d taken some notes during our conversation, she signed the box and we told her where we wanted the calligrapher to write words. A few short weeks later, we received this memento, honoring my grandfather:



That was my husband’s gift to me. A reminder that family is important, that tradition matters, that with patience (it takes at least 8 years for the plant to grow—sometimes 12, then the tequila ages for 5 years!) all hurts can heal. Scars, whether invisible or invisible, can hurt, but with time…

Sit. Wait. Sip.  {a hug from the inside, from deep within the soul}

I adore these gestures of my beloved. I adore his romanticism. I appreciate his patience. I appreciate his ability to still surprise me. I treasure the amazing---my romantic dragon slayer.

Thoughts on 2014 Suburbia Music Festival

Hello, hello! What? Another music review? Why yes, yes indeed! Look at me go! First off, I was not awarded a media pass for this one. There were loads and loads of big time media types in full force for this one, so it wasn’t a tremendous loss. Why??? Because I got to fully enjoy it with my daughter without having to make sure I documented each part. This was a treat!

Suburbia Music Festival is a two-day event held in my current home city of Plano, TX. It is in the total ‘burbs hence the name. They actually held it at a Nature Preserve that I frequently do my training runs. It was nice to feel “at home” in my figurative backyard. This year’s line-up:

• David Guetta
• J. Cole
• Third Eye Blind
• Tegan and Sara
• The Dandy Warhols
• Violent Femmes
• Alabama Shakes
• Slightly Stoopid
• Blue October
• Surfer Blood
• YelaWolf
• Needtobreathe
• Hoodie Allen…had to cancel due to illness
• Midlake
• Big Gigantic
• Twenty One Pilots
• Reverend Horton Heat
• Hayes Carll
• American Authors
• The Devil Makes Three
• Smallpools
• NONONO
• Delta Rae
• Alpha Rev
• SoMo
• Echosmith
• GTA
• Shakey Graves
• Run The Jewels
• The O's
• Add
• Meg Myers
• Ume
• Wild Feathers
• The Rocketboys
• The Unlikely Candidates
• Ishi
• Reignwolf
• Basic Vacation
• Sons of Fathers
• Yung Nation
• Larry Gee
• Sol (US)
• Veridia
• Larry G
• Sol Roots

Impressive, huh? I thought so, especially for it being the inaugural year. When presale tickets were announced, I scooped mine up in a hurry not really looking at the calendar. As it was, my hubby wasn’t available, so I had a spare ticket for a friend for each day. It was my goal to take my eldest with me because the music was acceptable/age appropriate for her to hear.

I wore a maxi skirt, flip-flops, a tank top, and packed a hat. She had on her maxi dress, fashion sandals, a daisy halo (I’d made & not pictured), and her “ears.” (See further below for tips on what to bring)

COMPLAINT 1: WATER
In Texas, Summer arrives early. We know this. I was surprised and slightly put off that we could only bring in 1 bottle per person, plus no outside food/drinks were allowed. They did have a station to refill water bottles, but it wasn’t working. I was glad when they handed out free water to people at the Medical tents. They did a great job by announcing that, but I think for some people it might have been too late. That was better than being forced to pay $4 for a bottle of water that I was going to throw away---why no recycling containers?
I get no outside food/drinks allowed, but I really wish there were real snacks. Like fresh fruit, picnic foods, raisins, things like that. Nada. Nothing. At least nothing I’d noticed. If you wanted chocolate, pshhh…yeah, not gonna happen. Who wants chocolate on a hot day anyway? Me. Yeah, that would be me. Moose munch would’ve been outstanding! Yeah, I rely too much on food.

COMPLIMENT 1: FAMILY FRIENDLY…MOSTLY
There were so many kids. When we walked in, there were volunteers handing out these smaller beach balls with the city of Plano logo on them. There was lots of room for the kiddos to run around. There was the occasional curse word  and waft of herbal delights here and there, but overall, really cool. There was a bounce house, but I guess it was too hot to keep it going. The Kona Ice truck & corn dog vendor were big hits with my kiddo. I liked the corn dog stand for their fresh lemonade. YUM!

COMPLAINT/COMPLIMENT 2: PARKING
There was ample parking! At $20 a spot, you were granted a free shuttle on the yellowdog to the walkway to the festival. You still had to walk just under a half mile to get to the entrance from where you were dropped off, but hey…workout! The shuttles for drop off were SUPER easy. The shuttles for pick-up seemed ok, too. It wasn’t good for anyone who was really drunk, though. They didn’t seem to understand the system, I guess.
My complaint had to do with no come/go parking. I’d extended bedtime by an hour for my kiddo so she could stay a tiny bit longer. I had to run home, drop her off, get her down for the night. When I left, they said I’d have to pay $20 to park again. What? Instead, I found parking on the residential area that seemed to have been flagged off. Other cars were parked there, so it was all good. I didn’t get my free shuttle, so the 1.5 mile trek (and 1.5 mile back) was another workout for the day. Lucky I still had my water from earlier. Also, there wasn’t always a sidewalk leading up to the festival gates and it isn’t as well-lit. I was grateful for other walkers and for remembering to pack my flashlight.

At the end of the festival, it seemed there was an issue getting cabs out there. I think if an Uber rep/booth would’ve been made available to schedule pick-ups, they would’ve been great. Kudos to the pedi cab workers. They were polite when they zoomed by the people. While it was a direct shot on that path, they probably would’ve benefitted from using the other side of the lake. Longer, but no pedestrians. Other cyclists could’ve ridden down that path too, only it wasn’t as lit as the main one. Oh and a big compliment for having complimentary bike parking.

COMPLIMENT 3: IN/OUT FOR THE 2-DAY PASS
I did like that the festival allowed you to come in and out if you’d bought the 2-day pass. That was really great! When you walked in, they would search your bag and were quite thorough with the search as well as pulling anything you couldn’t bring in. On the website, it said no umbrellas were allowed, but by the time we’d arrived, they’d changed that. It would’ve been good to know, but if you weren’t glued to their facebook page, you didn’t know. I don’t really know of a solution to this other than just deciding what you will allow and stick with it. It’s Texas, there’s gonna be sunshine, just allow the umbrellas!

Overall, I will say that the music quality sound was great. Some of the performers surprised me in both good and bad ways. It was nice to really hear and see clearly (with the video screens that flanked the Meadows Stage). Sitting in the back gave you a real summer festival experience and that was quite happy! This was especially true as the sun was setting and even in the evening sky. The most perfect crescent moon, the stars in the Texas sky, the cool wind, it was great!

Everyone was friendly! The limited vendors available were really great. I appreciated the general store that supplied sunscreen, lip balm, fans, bandanas, pop rocks!! (my daughter’s first-ever foray into pop rocks) and so many other assorted sundries. There were many porta potties, and the stations to wash your hands after were great. I would suggest having an attached anti-bacteria bottle hanging at the same station, too. I would also suggest that a hair academy make an appearance and do hair braiding.

Helpful Items:

• Water bottle…maybe even a reusable one at that for drinking water
• Sunscreen…this is just a given
• Hat…protect your skin!
• Camping Chair…the grass is nice, but it is even nicer to have the chair
• Blanket…for when you want to kick off your shoes and don’t want to prop your feet on grass
• Book…in between sets, if you are a reader, have your book
• Cell phone charger…there was a charging station, but it is always good to have your own
• Lip balm…you need to protect your lips from the sun, too
• Wet wipes…you may not be able to get to where you can wash your hands, these are great to have
• Bandana…dip it in some cool water and put it on your neck
• Bug spray…just in case
• Sunglasses…again, a given
• Earplugs…if you want to get closer, go for it, but don’t risk your hearing
• Cash…all of the vendors took cards, but it is always good to have a bit of cash on hand, especially if you take a pedi cab and need to tip him
• Umbrella…if umbrellas are allowed, bring one to shade yourself
• Fan…those tiny motorized ones are great, even better if it has an attached squirt bottle
• Scarf/Hoodie…at night, if you are just relaxing in your chair while listening to the music, you might get cold

If you have kiddos:

• crayons/coloring books
• frisbee/hackey sack
• notebook/pen
• ear protection
• water guns…I saw that kids had this and I could see where they were helpful
• change of clothes…if they

Be prepared to walk. Be prepared to be thirsty. Be ready for the long haul. Be ready for a good time. If you have the 2-day ticket, they slip on a fabric wristband that could be slipped off for comfort if you don’t accidentally tighten it, like I did. This is how you can get in and out. If you can’t make the 2nd day and can’t slip off the wristband, you are out of luck.  Sorry to the some of neighborhood neighbors who thought the music was too loud. But that was a testament to the music, I suppose. I don’t live out there and it is typically VERY quiet. Natural acoustics are quite magical and boy howdy were they working!

In the words of Third Eye Blind frontman Stephan Jenkins, “All we have is this moment…” It was a great set of moments to be a part of. Looking forward to next year!

Easter Tradition: Make Homemade Cascarones (confetti eggs)

Easter is probably my favorite holiday with Thanksgiving being a close second. Imagine that, two holidays that really stand out with food and sweets! Growing up, I was very lucky that my mother held tightly onto traditions. She built these traditions into our family and I’ve now passed on those traditions to my girls. Easter dresses, chocolates, grilling, and cascarones (confetti eggs)!

The Goods

--Egg shells

--confetti

--food coloring/dye + white vinegar…to color eggs

--1/4 c flour + water…natural glue

--tissue/crepe paper (squares large enough to cover the egg)

The Process

To make your own you will need egg shells. This requires some planning—saving of shells or some epic baking. I decided to start saving our shells for the past month. This means you save the shell and the egg carton. You rinse off the inside of the shell, and let them dry until you are ready for use. My family eats a lot of eggs. Plus, I made some homemade goodies, so we had 11 dozen shells to decorate and fill.

Step One – Prepare Work Area

Have a decent sized work space and be sure to cover with newspaper, plastic wrap, etc. Also, have on hand, spoons, paper towels, refreshments (because this is gonna take some time), and some music. Also, wear some work clothes!

Step Two – Color Eggs

Lay out your eggs, boil your water, and measure out vinegar/food coloring for dyeing eggs. Need help with that? Check out these gals.

Note: Brown eggs DO NOT color as great as white eggs.

Step 3 – Fill Eggs with Confetti

When your eggs have dried, place them back in the carton and fill the shells with confetti! If you are NOT like me, you already have your confetti and have had it for a while. If you are like me, then you have to take your trusty Marta Stewart Fringe scissors and make some confetti! (see, now you know the REAL reason why it takes so long!) You give up making confetti and you dive into your decorative stash of flakey glitter and fill your eggs because your smallest one has gotten into the glue and decided to paint herself and the dog. Much excitement, for sure!

Step 4 – Cover Eggs

So you can use regular glue, but I like to get messy! Here is where I take my flour, add a bit of water until it is just the right amount of creamy. You don’t want it runny, but a thick creamy like regular glue. Dip your finger into the glue and line the top of your egg shell. Then cover with the paper and run a layer around the top edge again to secure. Gently put aside to dry. Go to the next egg. It took my eldest about half an hour to get through a dozen. In that same time, my smallest one successfully completed one egg. And managed to get glue on herself, the dog, and all over the workplace. It was fun times watching them and just giggling. Be prepared for much laughter and complaining.

Step 5 – Let Dry

Once you have covered all of the eggs, let them dry at least over night. They are so pretty! You did a great job, you deserve a glass of wine. But you can’t have one because you have to chisel off the homemade glue from yourself, your little ones, and your dog. By the time you are done, you will just want a long bath and a nap.

Step 6 – Crack on Heads

Now the hard part is over. Go out and have some fun. Chase each other cracking the eggs on top of the heads for good luck. When it is all over, witness the aftermath on the floor. A nice storm will help wash it all away. You can also sweep it up.

Hope y’all had a wonderful Easter!

Open Letter to my Sugarbaby on her 3rd birthday

My dear sweet Tesla Jane,

It is hard for me to accept that three years have flown by in a hurry! Last night, when I kissed you goodnight, I paused to stare for a moment. I took a deep breath. Three years. Wow, what a ride. And you, my sweet girl, embrace all that is given to you...in your very own way. You have quite a little personality, but can be incredibly shy. Your vocabulary and comprehension levels are outstanding. You say these unintentional puns or quote things that are quite fitting and absolutely hysterical. Once I was having a frustrating moment. You could tell. You just looked at me, and erupted into "Let it go!!!" yeah, I needed to let it go and you were a good reminder for that.

We welcomed a new addition to our family in the past 6 weeks. In that time, you and Diego Jack have become best of friends! He follows you along. Together, with your sister, you all have spent hours and hours in our backyard!

You also enjoy drawing, taking things apart, helping out with chores (you are a great helper!), and having fun. You play and play and play. "Little Einstein's" is your favorite show. You love it when I do your hair. You still enjoy playing with my hair. You know what? Every time you do, I melt! You've done that same things since you were a newborn. You don't clutch and pull on my hair, you just gently pet it or run your fingers through it. I've since made it a point to have my hair brushed so you can calm yourself with it.

Your soul is gentle. You enjoy singing in church with a loud and clear voice. You also enjoy dancing in church to the music. No, not just church. You very much enjoy dancing. Right now, you are 36.5 inches tall and weigh 32 pounds. You enjoy eating pizza, berries, and most any kind of sugar we will give you. You like the crunch of corn tortillas, but say they very much hurt your throat. We think you have a gluten intolerance like your father, so we've been limiting your gluten intake and have noticed much improvement in your eczema. Your hair is still very, very curly, your eyes, a bright brown with splashes of yellow/green.

Your daddy and I are so excited to see all of the awesome experiences you will share with us this year, witness first-hand your discoveries, and smile proudly in wonder!

all my love!
-Mama.

Happy 1st Anniversary: Samantha & Roy

Last Winter Solstice, a small group of friends and some family members gathered in an intimate chapel to celebrate life, love, and happiness. My husband and I were there to capture these moments. It was our gift to the bride and groom, my sister and her new husband. Happy first anniversary, Samantha & Roy!

 

 

Coffee is Like a Hug

The day was brand new, my eyes heavy coming out of the sleep. The room is warm, even though the sun is barely peeking through the the house. El Paso, Texas during the summertime in the 80s, and outside of the window, I hear my grandmother hanging the laundry on the line. There is a bird chirping outside, and I pull the crisp, white linen sheets over my small body. I never knew how those sheets remained stiff, yet comfortable. I take a deep breath and there’s the faint smell that feels so familiar.

My abuela always made a little cafecito con leche each morning to start her day. When she would lean in close to me to help me with my napkin, smelling her breath always felt like a sacred secret. After our meal, after the dishes were washed, there she would sit in her chair, affording herself a few minutes to dip half of a bolillo into her café as her breakfast.

_______

The house would be busy with shuffling sounds of my mother going from room to room picking things up or organizing. I’d hear the whirr of the vacuum, muffled footsteps on the carpet, and cabinets opening and closing. Then my favorite sound of all, the grains poured into the metal. The water filling the vessel and not many moments later the popping of coffee activating in the percolator. It was my job to fill the sugar container and a small glass with milk. We were having a party, the guests would come over and coffee was always there, waiting to be poured or shared. Lots of chatter, glasses clinking, the spoons hitting the sides of the mugs as their owners stirred the milk and sugar. Daddy never drank coffee.

_______

Amarillo, Texas in the mid-80s, waking up before the sun, I was a little grumpypants. Never in my life have I ever been a morning person. But one Saturday out of every month, I would have to get up much earlier than I would ever have to awake for school. I’d throw on some old clothes and my ten-ees (sneakers) and we’d head to the church. I’d spend the next hour or two polishing the wooden pews in my church. Initially, I’d be angry to be up that early, but for my efforts, I’d be rewarded with a donut and mom would get her coffee: 3 sugars, 1 milk.

_______

Summertime errands, I always wanted to go to the bank with my mother. Not so much because of the free Dum Dum we would get in the drive-thru, but because when she had to walk in, next to the free coffee was a glorious, sparkling sugar cube pyramid. I was allowed to eat two. I’d savor them one at a time, melting that sweet goodness on my tongue. And ever so often, one of the cubes would have a lone drop of coffee on it. It tasted good. It filled me with an unexplainable warmth and happiness.

_______

In high school, hovered over our books, with our calculators and pencils, I’d sit in that booth at IHOP with my buddies. Smelling that coffee and being around my friends would make me smile. I didn’t yet drink it, but I did enjoy the smell. Later, when I was in college, I would go to McDonalds and order a small coffee. Not to drink, but just to enjoy the smell in my room. To remind me of home. To bring comfort me. There were more than a few solitary moments, laden with horrific thoughts of doing harm to myself, and I could be brought back to center with the comfort of coffee. Arms wrapped tightly around my body from within. Reminders that I am loved.

_______

I had my first child. Running on very little sleep, patience low, I was reminded of the the coffee I’d afforded myself during my pregnancy that helped me to stay awake on my commutes home. I would indulge in a saccharine and calorie-filled caramel macchiato from Starbucks, and ZING, I was a new person. Not only did the caffeine activate my brain to alert, but my body was filled with dopamine happiness.

_______

Specialty coffee shops have emerged near my office. I’ve made friends with baristas. That frothy goodness from their skilled hands produced euphoric optimism, which worked in my favor. Has always worked in my favor, especially when I’m trying to slay those demons from within. I heart coffee. I enjoy sharing it with friends. I enjoy it alone. It makes me think of happy times. It also reminds me during those not-so-happy times that there will be sunshine again,  that I just need some patience. Sit. Wait. Sip the coffee.

Do you have a special coffee story? If so, I’d like to hear it.

 

**If you are still reading this and there is likelihood that I will ever see you in person, then consider this a coupon for a free coffee. We’ll sit, chat, sipping on our coffees, talking about everything and nothing.**

Family Photos: 4 Tips for a Great Session

I know many people may stress at the last minute when they get together to take a professional family photo. Even though I’m a photographer, I  also stress before a session. I thought I’d share some things that are helpful for me when we take family photos. (A very special thanks goes to Terah Pliley Photography & Chera25 Photography for the images in this post!)

one…
Make it a point to actually take a family portrait at least once a year! Even if you set your phone’s timer function to snap an image, then do it. Go use a coupon for a cheap portrait studio if you must. But sincerely TRY to find a local photographer to take your photos. Take advantage of their mini sessions. Usually, they are a fraction of the cost (usually less than $100) and you will end up with at least 1 really great image that will be more than worth that investment. This image…I’ve dreamed of this image since before I had my girls. I can’t tell you what it means to me to have it. It may not be other people’s preference, but this single moment is intimate to me. It is special. It is my girls and I, them sharing their vulnerability, and she captured a rare tender moment. I still get choked up with I see it.

two…
For us, I’ve discovered that our girls don’t do well in a studio. Something about confined places just makes them want to go bananas. Outdoor shots yield fabulous lighting and allows for them to run off their energy. This also helps them to relax and really let out their little personalities. Clearly, mine are used to being in front of the camera, even the Sugarbaby has the hand on the hip pose working. The Sugarbean already knows about shifting weight to the back leg, too.

three…
Plan your wardrobe. You don’t have to be all matchy-match, but it is nice to have colors that will POP with the venue. Since we frequently do outdoor images, I try to consider the climate and what will be around us. Recently, we did photos in the sunflower field. I drew out the color wheel and totally came up with blue as the complementary color. Let me tell you, I jump at the opportunity to wear blue because it makes my husband’s eyes pop, plus the colors look great on my daughters skin! The other session in this post’s example, I went with a floral theme. Yes, there were stripes and polka dots, in my girls’ dresses, but we all had a type of flower. I went neutral with a black and white dress, and giving color to them.  I wanted them to be the central focus in my images and our photographer captured it exactly.  Also, let your children help plan what they will wear. I may pick out the clothes, but often I will say wear a dress and together they will come back to me with their ideas. This happened when I said blue dress. They each chose to wear their matching blue dresses given to them by their aunt. My eldest always chooses her hair style and accessories. I let them choose their own shoes, too. Again, it goes back to comfort of the child.


four…
Relax. It is easy  for me to say this. But here’s the thing. I’ve been using Chera25 photography now for nearly 3 years. We are comfortable with her. My girls know her, and they aren’t at all uncomfortable in front of a camera. You know what else? I’M not uncomfortable with them capturing me. Terah and I have been friends for a few years. I met her through her mother. I’ve always admired her eye and images. I chose her to do our mommy/daughter session because I knew I could trust her. Other photographers would’ve captured a photo for me, but I don’t think our personalities would’ve come out quite like I wanted. And you know what? That’s a big thing for me. It is an investment in money, yes, but also in time. I see all time as precious and wrangling our littles together takes time. Doing my hair, doing their hair, ironing clothes, soothing the girls, planning out around naps, checking teeth…all that, takes time. Likewise, it takes time for the photographer. Both of the photographers we use are mothers of daughters. They understand this about us and are so very understanding during our sessions. Having a personal relationship with them allows for us to relax and show our best face. It also helps me to not have absolutely ANY hesitation when booking them! You know what else helps with relaxing…knowing these intimate moments are captured, too. They remind me of so long ago when I first fell in love with him.


So don’t delay any longer! Get your family together and book a photographer that you have long admired and trust that the images will capture a point in time that you will never see again.

The Genesis of the Birthday Month & an Apology

“The TRUTH is that the higher you rise in status & popularity, the more you are called to SERVE others (not the other way around).”—Robyn Bomar of The Birthday Project

I wouldn’t call myself one of the cool or popular kids, when I was growing up. I was different. I was imaginative, creative, introverted, and had a very unique sense of style. Betsey Johnson’s clothing personified all that was similar to my childhood. As a teen, Helena Bonham Carter’s style was more of what I would have wanted to wear. But as we grow, we literally try on different clothes to showcase who we are. I am very blessed to be many things. I’m an athlete. I’m a thespian. I’m a writer. I’m a dreamer. I’m a music lover. I’m a photographer. I’m a seamstress. I’m a coach. I’m a counselor. I’m a corporate worker. I’m a hippie on the weekends. I’m a cheerleader. I’m a listener. I’m a healer. I’m a mother. I’m a wife. I’m a sister. I’m a daughter. I’m a friend. I've had several people ask me about the birthday month. This question asked might have been in jest from some, others were curious, some were thrilled, and another found it quite indulgent and selfish. I felt the need to clarify what it means to me, this month-long celebration.

There were many, many times I was horribly lonely and sad. Emotional scars from my childhood really manifest themselves during these moments and cast a shadow of doubt and worthiness as a person. I just wanted a friend nearby. On my 24th birthday, that was my wish, for a friend nearby to do things with (my two best and closest friends were hours away, still in school). Wish granted. Over the course of the next several years, she and I had a great many adventures, making new friends along the way, building our own colorful urban family. This isn’t to say that I lost sight of my old friends. No, not hardly! It is always magic when each of those worlds collides, friends from the past, from the present, and new friends from our futures are brought together in those rare moments. I like to flit about like a butterfly, socializing with each of them, often excusing myself to seemingly go to the bathroom, when in reality, I’m stepping back, looking at everyone smiling, taking it all in, and giving thanks for being so blessed with loved ones. Being afforded friendship, true friendship, and love.

With the advent of social media, I made virtual friends, many of whom I have met in real life, many of them mothers themselves, who relate to the everyday life of what it means to be all of the aforementioned labels and more…more like, health/body related issues like laughing so hard you pee, and extra skin, and lack of privacy, and the other hilarious details that make you appreciate your own mother. So you can see that I have joined and am a part of all of these tiny tribes all over the place.

A couple of years ago, I came across Robyn Bomar’s The Birthday Project. How beautiful, how wonderful of an idea and concept! At the same time, one of my virtual mom friends posted about celebrating her birthday month. During that time I would celebrate the week of, trying to squeeze in lunch/dinner/coffee dates with friends to celebrate myself. The idea of the celebration had escaped me. I was too stressed about the activities surrounding the very reason and joy I wanted to celebrate…being alive! I got to thinking and decided that I too, would be celebrating for a month. And for that entire month, for each item I gifted myself or was gifted, I needed to give that much back to the world. I like opening gifts! I like receiving gifts. Receiving a gift can be difficult. I mean, I am not that gracious at receiving a compliment and when you give me a physical gift, I get a bit overwhelmed. I wasn’t always that way. Some where along the way, though, I had changed. I’ve since gotten better at it. I smile and accept it. My heart races at the surprise inside! I’m thrilled at the thought that someone had gone out of their way to consider ME and they were giving me a special token.

I’ve never stated before about giving out to the world during this month, nor have I ever mentioned my gift receiving anxiety. I don’t feel the need to brag about being a decent human. It’s like that commercial where one simple act can have a ripple effect into the world. Sure, I’ll buy a coffee for a stranger. But more than that, I like to hide dollars at the Dollar store, leave a $5 in the toy section at Wal-mart, give food to someone hungry, deliver a flower to a neighbor, or just give a good, long, exaggerated hug to someone in need. It is in the act of giving that I receive so very much. Gift receiving: I had such anxiety about giving gifts to friends. Would it fit? Would they like it? Did I spend too much? Did I not spend enough? That it got to where it wasn’t about the person, but the item. And then the gifts I did receive, I didn’t know what to do with them. Literally, when I’m given scented soap or lotions, I don’t know what to do because I’m incredibly allergic to those things. I don’t feel like I can regift something like that because, after all, it was a gift to me. I can’t throw it away because, again, it was a gift. See, how I overcomplicated things? Instead, I allowed myself to spend money for me and give myself gifts. Some would say, “Hello Bianca, that’s kinda selfish!” Let me explain: I would buy myself a cup of coffee. Celebrate the coffee. Appreciate the coffee. Not take for granted that there was always coffee available to me, but rather shift my perspective for the ability to buy myself the coffee and freely enjoy the simple pleasure it brings. I buy myself a cupcake. I eat the cupcake without guilt of empty calories. I try to not think about how much I’ll have to run for that cupcake. Getting in the habit of accepting the gifts I give to myself, I can accept the gifts I receive from others.  Which I am then afforded the pleasure of paying it forward…

Last year’s birthday month involved more introspection and focus on my relationship with self and my husband. Accepting who I was, appreciating who I was, and also, fully appreciating my husband and enjoying our marriage. He, Captain America, being one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received! It was also for making magic. NYC (Tiffany, Yankees, Central Park, Serendipity), Costa Rica (surfing, poi, thunderstorms, jungle, spa), Los Angeles/Anaheim (family, Disney), San Diego (Coronado beach, San Diego zoo, family dinners, private concert), Paso Robles (wine and dinner), San Francisco (dinner with friends, machine museum, SF Bridge), Napa Valley (wine tasting, chocolate bacon, and so much laughter), and Tennessee (beautiful sunrises, lots of sneezing, and driving through Amish country)…what an adventure! I had a month long sabbatical from my job and thanks to our family members and friends, we were afforded that much needed time he and I desperately needed. Thanks to family who understood what we were trying to accomplish and stepped up to help us with our girls. Thanks to friends and family for opening up their homes to us (even when they weren’t there!!) and for all of the rides. Thanks to friends who scheduled with us well in advance of our departures so those (literal hours) in between jumps to the different locations, we got together for dinner, for breakfast, for lunch…all of which was coordinated in advance. My feelings weren’t hurt by people who didn’t reach out to schedule. We all have busy lives. Unfortunately, it didn’t occur to me that by not reaching out to others, I may have inadvertently hurt their feelings.

Here is a very, very public apology to my sister: I’m sorry, Samantha. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings and didn’t consider you more than I should have. I misinterpreted and accepted when I should have followed through and double-checked. I’m sorry that this apology never fully embraced you (in my seemingly apathetic attempts to you up to this point) in the way that I meant for it to. We can’t have a do-over. I regret that I missed that shared time. I regret that I hurt you. I can only say I’m sorry and I will do better.

whoo…(wipes tears)…that was heavy…looks around, oh right.

This year, I took on a greater undertaking. The thought came to me a couple of weeks prior to my birthday. I had to courage to embrace my health diagnosis and not allow it to define my life. I wanted to live by example and invite others to join in my quest for a healthy lifestyle. I invited friends and family to participate in a fun and casual 5K. They would walk, run, bike, crawl…whatever they wanted to do, but they had to commit to get moving on that day. I hoped for 20, I expected 10, I was blown away when I ordered 40 medals! F.O.R.T.Y. Forty medals to be given to participants who let me know they were going to participate. There were still others, strangers even, who participated because they were inspired. I was and am humbled. Someone applauded me by saying that I was being the change I wanted to see in the world. That compliment totally leveled me. It was that type of good that I have always wanted to inspire in people. In middle school, we were asked to write down our goals. I didn’t think immediate goals, per se, like my peers did. They talked about graduating from universities and their career goals. I wrote down that I wanted to make a difference in someone’s life for the better. When I wake each morning, I feel my heart beating, and I’m excited at the very thought that I’m given the chance to do just that. Ever since fully embracing my gift for listening to people’s life story, I have discovered that through that listening, and giving a hug, providing affirmation and validity to the individual, I AM making a difference. And this little 5K…I made a big difference in people’s lives for better health! My tiny pebble thrown into the large pond has created some incredible ripples in the world. Thank you. Each one of you, THANK YOU!



The rest of my birthday weekend had celebrations with friends, some of whom I expected to see and others I hadn’t seen in a long while. And my birthday proper…it was spent exactly as I wanted to, almost. I wanted to spend it with family alongside my father. In my open invitation to friends (yes, I send out an itinerary with scheduled activities, don’t you? If you know me, this isn’t a surprise.), I had mentioned the game. I was very excited that no one responded about going and it would only be family. This year my birthday fell on Father’s day. We planned to go to the Ballpark in Arlington, where we’ve spent the past 19 summers, cheering on our Texas Rangers. We sat in the heat, in the full sun, cheering, heckling, wearing the freebie hats (which were quite awesome), giggling when I saw my name on the scoreboard.


So now you know. If you are reading this, thank you! And I ask that you do one small act of kindness to put that goodness into the world. Could you do that for me? Pretty please? Thanks! High five!

Recipe Monday: Pancakes!

Don’t you be rollin’ your eyes at me. I’m not gonna talk about pancakes from Bisquick. There’s nothing wrong with those pancakes, I suppose. I’m just going to tell you how I like to eat ‘em. Remember a couple of Monday’s ago when I mentioned the Homemade Paneer? Well, after the curds, you have leftover whey. This is one of the ways I use that whey. Not to mention, this recipe is easy enough for my girls to help me prepare. They really enjoy making the foods we eat. Orale whey!

Leftover Whey Pancakes

• 1 cup of plain flour
• 1 egg
• 1 cup of whey
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1-2 tbsp butter

Before…Preheat your frying pan to a nice medium heat. This is important! If you are like me, your first pancake is a throwaway pancake anyway, but it is also my most delicious!

Action…Whisk all of your ingredients in a bowl. I usually start with the flour, then add the egg, whisk. Add the baking soda/powder, whisk. Then add the whey. The consistency should be smooth, not thick. If it is too runny, you may want to add a bit more flour. Add only a quarter cup at a time until the batter is consistent.

Note: If you used a half gallon of milk to make the paneer, you will have waaay more than just 1 cup of whey to use. Don’t over use the whey just because you don’t want to waste it! You can find other uses! Maybe I’ll post my veggie soup recipe that I make with the whey. Are you interested?

Process…Add half of your tablespoon of butter to your pan. Let it get all bubbly and spread that melted goodness all over your pan. Now, ladle your batter into the pan. More batter will make a larger pancake. My girls like silver dollar sized pancakes, so I make a mixture of them. This will immediately start to bubble around the edges. Here is when I add blueberries to the batter. I like adding them in this step instead of the batter so I don’t accidentally mush them. Plus, the Sugarbean doesn’t like blueberries like the Sugarbaby and I do, so this just saves me a step from having to make separate batters. Once your pancake has enough bubbles (airpockets) in it, take your spatula and flip it. You will notice a nice brown look. That’s the goodness right there. The butter gives it a bit of a crispy flavor, but the inside is cake-y! YUM!

Enjoy…We might add a bit of Agave nectar as the syrup and don’t add any additional butter. This is our typical Saturday morning breakfast while we watch “cartoons” (more like a movie).

Thank you for reading!