More than three years ago, my younger brother embarked on a journey for personal growth. During that journey, he began to ask himself questions like, “What does it mean for me to be wealthy? What makes me happiest?” I have asked myself those same questions in the past and still do an annual check-in around my birthday and the new year to define said things. My journey is different from his, as ours is different from you, the reader. (If you haven’t asked yourself these questions in a while, you totally should.)

Begrudgingly, he accepted a challenge to run a 5K for my 35th birthday and not-so-quietly told me that he wasn’t sure if he would be able to actually run a continuous mile, but he would try. For work, he is required to be on his feet 10+ hours a day. Small movements and walking, but nevertheless, standing. I work in an office. I am grateful to have a convertible desk that allows me to sit and stand. I mention this because if you try to run longer distances, part of what you have to get used to is being on your feet for a longer amount of time than what most people are. I knew he would be able to complete the 5K walking. I wanted to help him set a goal that seemed unrealistic—one that he would never have set for himself. That’s my job as his older sister. He finished that first 5K just under 50 minutes, which is about a 16 minute per mile pace.

Here is where I give you a bit of backstory: He is the youngest of our siblings. He has always done things his way, many times, not the way I would approach it or even understand it for that matter, but it is his way. Our older sister is an accomplished athlete who has had to overcome so many obstacles, the most recent being Rheumatoid Arthritis. In spite of that, she still manages to not only persevere, but achieve victory. She is incredibly driven and ambitious! If you have read my blog, then you know I suffer a myriad of health issues—most of which I quietly dismiss and consider them more of “bonus rounds” in this game of life, much to the dismay and disagreement of my doctors. Our family has a history with obesity, high blood pressure, heart disease, and depression. Those are our predisposed genetics that we have working against us. However, also in our DNA are things that can’t be measured. We are a friendly people who overcome. We can endure, even if we don’t like what we must endure. We are fiercely tenacious and stubborn. We are hardcore and a little crazy because we typically surpass people’s expectations of us. We are adventurous, committed, and loyal to the causes near and dear to our hearts, especially when it comes to familia.

At that time, Brother was incredibly overweight. I must admit, I was both worried and jealous. Worried because I didn’t want to see him struggle with his quality of life like others in our family. Jealous because his body is otherwise perfect and unbroken and he can keep pushing it like I wish I could push mine. <—There I said it. I’ve finally admitted it, ok, so let’s move forward. Remember that initial 5K I mentioned, well, it was less than six months later that he found himself faced with another 5K and this time, he ran it in the high 30s---under 40 minutes---and all he did was commit to moving a little more more each week, as in actually running a mile at least once a week. A year later, he opted to run a 5K in the Fall that worked with my marathon training schedule . I was to do 15+ that day, and the plan was to finish my mileage with the 5K. I finished my race, turned around, and jogged back to find him and encourage him to finish strong! He wasn’t hardly that far behind me. That race, was a sub-30 5K for him—and the tears flowed. By that point, he’d lost 40+ pounds (I think it was actually closer to 60!) and he was more determined to keep going in the right direction. At his pace. In his own way.

Last year, he asked me to run a 5K with him. He’d chosen the Insane Inflatables 5K. It was a mostly flat course on a dead soccer field, cold, and windy, but all was immediately forgotten when we started running. We went with a Super Hero motif and enjoyed ourselves as we bounced around remembering what it was like to be a kid flailing against the bouncy walls of the jump houses from our youth.

Afterwards, with a wry smile, I challenged him to a Half Marathon. He let out an incredulous balk and grumbled, “Never, ever, not ever.” at me. But there it was, I planted the seed. I went on to run the rest of my races for the year and he did a few more themed 5Ks. 

We are fortunate enough to set some time aside each year to gather as a family to make tamales and do our Christmas exchange. We don’t draw names in our family. Our mother doesn’t like to be limited by giving gifts, because that is her love language. So each of us gets gifts for everyone in the family and we have tremendous fun! Like every year, my brother asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I thought long and hard about it. I wanted an experience with my brother. I wanted something fun and challenging. I wanted something that would make us better. “Brother, I want you to run a Half Marathon with me. Rock and Roll is on sale, which makes it incredibly affordable. This gives you more than enough time to train for it! That’s what I want for my gift.—And Texas Tech socks.” He tried to encourage me to have other material items and after failed lobbying attempts, we stopped having the conversation. After our gift exchange, I looked to him and inquired where his receipt was for his entry fee. I didn’t find them in my socks, which were quite amazing, too. “Check your email.” *tears* I was humbled. This was going to be difficult for him. This was going to require commitment and a dramatic change from within. This was going to make us better. I did my best to give tips and suggestions for training. I became an accountability partner. I reminded him that it was coming. I shared inspirational videos and generally did my best to be an encourager.

The weekend arrived and his level of anxiety was the same level the night before he had football try-outs fifteen years earlier. The weather didn’t help to give any comfort, either. A cold front had blown in, so we were likely to have a cool race and wind. Hooray for no rain, I suppose. Luckily, he had planned for this just in case and had packed tights and a long sleeve. That morning, we crossed the starting line holding hands and I said a silent prayer for him. I took off and ran my race with intermittent notifications that he was still going strong. Earlier, I asked his goal. He replied, “I want to finish the race and not die.” “Brother you aren’t gonna die.” “I am hoping to finish in 3:30. I will be really excited if I can finish in 3:20.” “Ok. I’ll see you at the finish line.” Like most recent races, I’d visited the medical tent, but only allowed myself 20 minutes in there so I could be there to welcome the rest of the family who was running.

I forgot to mention this part! My cousin Margie had signed up for the race. This was her second half and after completion, we would celebrate her birthday. She managed to convince her brother Phillip and his wife Sylvia  to run this race—both Navy Chiefs. My brother and I convinced Margie’s son, our cousin Michael to run this race. We were Team Mediocre. Because all of us might be mediocre runners, but in life, I’d like to think we are all far from mediocre.  A couple of weeks ago, our younger cousin Elijah passed away unexpectedly. We were going to make shirts for this race, but we wanted to dedicate this run to him. On each of our right sleeves was por Elijah. He was Phillip & Sylvia’s (and his ex-wife Norma, too) son. It was a devastating and tragic blow to our family, but we wanted to have him with us. As if the run wasn’t difficult enough, my primo Phillip ran most of the race with a cup of coffee in his hand. In it was actual coffee, because water and Gatorade are for punks. (I’m sure he had some of that for himself, but the story is better this way.) Military folks, I tell ya! See, I said our family was hard core.

Michael arrived as I was exiting the medical tent, followed closely by my cousin Phillip, and my speedy sheep friend Meighan, who is my running BFF. Shortly after, I went to say hello to my Beloved and to some of my other friends, as well. (If you are reading this, thank you for helping me when I finished running and for making sure I made it to safety!) While I was chatting, my phone notification went off telling me my Brother had crossed. My heart leapt and I ran towards the finisher area to find him.

BROTHER!!!!

He looked at me and I was already sobbing.

3:11!!!!!!!!

You blew your goal out of the water!!!!! He had tears in his eyes, too. I’m not sure if it was because he was in pain, he was happy, or angry. I believe it is the myriad of emotions almost every recreational runner feels after a race—especially one that is incredibly grueling. it is a feeling of disbelief, accomplishment, and pride. Three hours and eleven minutes. Fourteen weeks of training. One incredibly special Christmas gift delivered to me in the only way he could.

Be an encourager of growth and you will receive an infinite amount of indescribable rewards. Thank you Brother (and family & friends—especially those of you who supported us!), this was one of the greatest gifts you’ve ever given me!

2014 TCS NYC Marathon Miles Dedication

religion: a particular system of faith and worship

To me, running is a type of religion. Not because I’m worshipping the god of running, but because rather it is a system of faith and worship. I am wholly present in my mind, my acts intentional, my faith LOUD—within me.
So while I run, it should come as no surprise that I often find myself meditating, holding tightly onto mantras I chant to myself, I’ll pray the rosary, but where I find the absolute BEST peace is when I consider and pray for others. With that in mind, these are my miles dedications.

1. My mother – The first mile is the most exciting mile. It requires the highest climb, with the freshest legs, and the most enthusiasm that you will have to control to make it through the rest of the race. Wings to fly, legs to run…Mom, I remember all of the times you were in my peripheral vision, cheering me, championing me, willing me to strive to be the best I could possibly be. Hurt back, push through. Fall down, pick yourself and keep moving forward. Crying, wipe your tears and smile. This is a race of endurance and motherhood is such a race.

2. Sister – For all of my childhood, I chased you. Literally and figuratively, I chased you to become more like you. When you pushed me away, it hurt, but it taught me that I needed to be my own person—and whomever that was, you would be there to support me, regardless of my choice. This mile, is an easy mile, through a Brooklyn neighborhood that I know you would enjoy visiting.

3. Brother – Because there was a time not long ago that you didn’t think you could run a 5K, and just a short while ago, I turned around to find you, insisting that I NEEDED to cross that line with you. Not because I didn’t think you could do it, but because I wanted to grin from ear to ear and witness you crossing! All of those times you cheered for me and watched me succeed, I needed to be there for a big moment for you. This mile, we run together, not racing, just running on a cool morning while the sun kisses our cheeks. Turn up that Milky Chance Stolen Dance and let’s find our groove.

4.  Tesla – You will be 4 next year, even though you want to say you are 4 this year. You were the 4th member of my family. Your tiny spirit brings so much joy to everyone who meets you. You are so unabashedly stubborn and are so completely focused on your goals , it is something that I try to remember for myself.Baby, Mommy loves you and can’t wait for you to see the new medal to add to the collection!

5. My Brooklyn Beauties – Gen, Mali, Teej, I’ll be looking for you. Each of you inspire me in so very many different ways. All of you are so very strong, both emotionally and physically, I’m running your burough’s streets!

6.  Marisabelle – For you I learned what it meant to be a mother. Because of you, I try my hardest to be the very best mother you need me to be. You show me grace, you show me patience, you have given the the opportunity of wonder…and when I feel like my legs are heavy, I’ll remember your little voice, goading me: “Let’s race, Mommy! I can be fast like you!” Yes, baby, you compliment me by saying you are fast like me. You are already faster than me—and I love it!

7. Internet Friends – I was afforded in real life friendships with you and am able to maintain our friendship online. This means you Camille from Twitter, who shares a similar humor as I do. This also means you Makita, who has a beautiful and vulnerable strength I’ve not seen before—because of you, I am stronger in my actions and more purposeful.

8. For Diego, Kittens, & Unicorns – Diego went on a few of my early training runs with me, fumbling through each step until we figured it out. Your time with us was brief, but your tender spirit lives on. Kittens because well, I’m not allergic to them yet and they are so soft and adorable, and just want to curl up to be loved. Unicorns because they are fabulous and awesome!

9. For my Primo, Simon – Nine rhymes with wine and well, I know you love it! Simon, your wit, your but gusting laughter, and the wine….oh so much wine! I know if you were in town, you’d be cheering for me, throwing water balloons filled with some kind of libation at me, singing Fuego fuego…

10. My Min-Min – You’ve not questioned my sanity for wanting to do this. Instead, you’ve reached out to me to be sure we remain connected in spite of me running all of the miles all of the time. Whether you are there waiting for me at the end of the race with jello shots ready to share a hearty carb-load meal, you are there for me. Even now, I know you will be shouting from where ever you are enjoying Sunday Funday.

11. Margie – Adelante y orgullo: I only barely understood the definition of those words when I first chewed on them. Now, I understand them more. I can’t hardly get the words out to write more because the emotion just flows straight from my heart and out of my eyes. Happy tears of joy and gratitude. I’m so, so, so grateful for you!! I give thanks for your life, for your willingness to fight and continue to fight, every day.

12. Shannon – What a pleasure it was to find you at mile 12 during the Plano Balloon Festival Half. I was struggling, but with you, I was able to push through that final mile. Your exercise posts keep me accountable and remind me to not lazy around.

13. My Happy Half Marathoners – Each of you, declaring publicly which races you would run and peer pressure would kick in and I’d sign up. Mostly to ensure I’d hit my training run milestones, but even more so to be with you all. I didn’t and don’t want to miss any time I get with y’all. For the laughs, the grunts, the aches, the tears, the hugs, the encouraging words, the hilarity of so many things…thank you Dina, Meighan, Alison, Gail, Bonnie, and Danika. A great big heartfelt and SHOUTING dedication to Coach Sara, who has pushed me all along the way, encouraged me, and come up with creative solutions for any obstacle I threw at her!

14. Dan – I had no idea how much my life would change just by meeting you. My heart is more open, my eyes more open, my spirit willing to experience almost anything, entering the adventure with joy and enthusiasm. Just the way you live is a great example of how I want to live. I’m so glad you are not only my friend, but a mentor as well.

15. My extended family – I’m grateful for all of the strong aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, in-laws. Each of you have sent me words of encouragement! They mean so much to me. I consider the women in my life and how life will throw them a curve, and they just shrug their shoulders and deal. it’s how they are. When my Uncle Mutt gave me the biggest hug after a run and how he looked at me, I felt his pride and I was humbled. He reminded me of my previous life as an athlete in college and I remembered that she was still inside of me. My Aunt Frances cheering me on, giving me support, too! Thank you!

16. My Primo Phillip – Because this was the number of miles we walked that day in August while we cheered Don on. If I could have that much fun walking 16 miles in one of my most favorite cities, then I know I could run another 10 as long as I remembered the adventure we shared. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that day with me!

17. Carol – Your presence helped my training become possible. Otherwise, it would’ve been a greater challenge attempting to push the girls and log my miles. Your life changed dramatically at 17 and since then, you’ve persevered and thrived. I hope you see it that way because so many admire you, as I do. Thank you for all you did and all you do!

18. My Einstein’s Crew – Especially the Saturday morning gals! Renee for the distractions and laughter and Marisa for that last quarter mile sprint to finish strong! Fist bump!

19. My Inner Circle – You all know who you are. We may not see one another often. Sometimes it is in the parking log of a Dry Cleaner, on the phone on my way to the doctor office, for a quick bite to eat, when our kiddos play dress up, when I watch your daughter play volleyball, when we paint together, when we go camping, when we go cruising, when we meet for wine night, when we celebrate our kid’s birthdays…regardless, you are my family. For the big moments, you all are there! This one is for you!

20. Nina Dani – You never let a little thing like sleep or asthma or money get in the way of a good time. You are so giving and humble, for those traits and so many others, we chose you to be our daughter’s godmother. For believing in me, and telling me to shake off the haters.

21. My Beloved – You arrive at noon and will race to find me at some point along the way. Each training race, you have helped me recover by allowing for some quiet rest. During our training runs. you run ahead of me, letting me chase you, forcing me to be better. You believe in my dreams and champion me. You push me to find amazing and are there right by my side when I discover it. Thank you for this adventure!

22. My Michael – New York!! You are there now and it is near this mile you will find me. I love you and I can’t wait to see your face and laugh. I know there will be a great many more trips out to see you in the future, too! I already love the memories we’ve created there, so far.

23. Ada – Because Bianca Fight Never Dies, because running is stupid and why would any one want to do something like that outside when you can be crushing balls in the air conditioning, because people are idiot drivers who merge in the fast lane only to go slower than the speed limit, because of Whataburger taquitos, because of acorns on the ground, because “I’m like a bird,” because of cherries, because of tears of joy and tears of ache, because I am whole all over again when you hug me. This one is for you!

24. Lindsey – My Bish, my friend, even though you think I’ve lost my mind in doing this, you know that it was gone a longer time before that! I may be doing a type of zombie-like run at this point. I will endeavor to champion my inner zombie, made evident by your crew.

25. My Mavericks – Their financial and emotional support has been overwhelming and, as always, humbling. I have raised nearly $7,000 (and counting) for Robin Hood, largely because of their support. Amazing! When I turn the corner by the NY office, I will smile proudly and fondly knowing so many of my colleagues are cheering me on!

26. Daddy – The race is won by running. I will not give up. In the thundering echoes of the roaring crowd, I will hear your voice. I will keep going and know that THIS race…Life, I don’t give up. Even when I feel down, I am a VALENCIANO, I lift my chin, I look it square in the eye and say, “Bring it!”

.2. Me…that last quarter mile is for me. A celebration of what I’ve achieved and a moment of definition, of closure, and gleeful gratitude to my body. Thank you self, for this. You had many doubts if you could do it, but still you managed to get there.

Swan Song: When you listen to the “shouldn’t”

I’ve always had issues with my spine.

When I was about 4, I wanted to roller skate so badly at a birthday party of one of my sister’s friends. I’d been scooting along the side, holding onto the rail, and at times, holding my mother’s hand. I felt brave enough to try it out on my own, and insisted I was ready. She cautioned me that it would be different, and that I needed to be certain, because I might fall. I told her I was prepared to fall. Off I went. I was doing well, until I wasn’t. I fell on my ass, and broke it---Literally. I felt something crack and it HURRRRRT, but I refused to cry. Why? Because my mother had warned me I wasn’t ready and even then, I had too much pride to admit I was wrong. So I didn’t speak up with she asked if I was ok. I just said that it was a little sore. But it wasn’t just a little sore. I was sore for a long time.

Fast forward to high school and I started to have chronic lower back pain. I was in the throes of hours-long volleyball playing and running each day. We thought it was typical. We thought it was over-exertion. My trainer had me on a strict program of stretching, heat before, and ice after. He strongly encouraged me to consider holding back some. He suggested I shouldn’t attempt a career beyond high school for fear of my future self. I aimed to prove him otherwise. It was just a little bit of back pain. After all, I survived the ligament tears in my ankle and my thumb. They were sore, but I could tolerate it.

I went on to play in college and at a university. I ran even more, lifted harder, jumped, landed, flew, and had more bang-ups than before. I accumulated another 2 concussions, and felt weak because I couldn’t breathe. But I pressed on through the pain, doing my very best to breathe and keep up. I would pop a couple of pink power pills (powerful anti-inflammatory pain blockers) with a 32-oz Dr. Pepper and I was good to go for games.

By the time I graduated, my mother had undergone her first back surgery and had a Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis.

I continued to have the back pain, and when I had my first job post-graduation, I visited a chiropractor for the first time. She took x-rays and noticed that my spine was a full inch off of alignment from the lower part of my body. So we came up with a treatment plan that helped me get through the every day, and also got me through my first pregnancy and first marathon.

It wasn’t until after that marathon that I saw an allergist. I was tired of sneezing all of the time, even though that was basically my life for, well, all of my life. It was there that I had a full diagnosis of asthma. I remember the look on her face when she told me, because she wondered how I was able to cope all of those years being as physically active as I was. I chalked it off as to something that maybe got worse with age. Because really, I’m not a super human. It made sense that times were more difficult based on the seasons and my outdoor activity level.

Then there was last year. That fracture, the conversation with the doctors, my chiropractor, processing the diagnosis. The Neuro said I shouldn’t run as much as I do, because of the impact it has on the body. But when I ran the Santa 5K with my 5 year old daughter for her first-ever 5K, when I ran the Cowtown Half with my friend, when I ran the Fairview Half with my family cheering me on, when I’ve had my training runs (in spite of them getting longer and longer)…I’m happier. I’ve found a way to redirect my stress. This is a big deal and quite noticeable because my normal nervous tick of yanking on my hair, well I don’t do it. My bangs have grown out to the longest they’ve been since before I got married. I still had the migraines. I still battle depression feelings. But I kept running.  I pushed through the pain, willing my back to deal. I breathed purposefully, willing my lungs to cooperate.

After the Sprint triathlon (about a month ago), I felt some discomfort in my knee. My current chiropractor, whom I hadn’t seen since March (maybe?), isn’t a sports chiro. I reached out to my running friends for referrals and each of them couldn’t say enough positive things about theirs, so I went in for a visit. I have tendonitis in my knee and my neck bones are reverse of what they should be (this is the BIGGEST reason for my migraines—my bones have been pinching the nerves right there by my brain), but therapy will help to fix that. However, what else he had to say echoed what I’ve heard before—only, this time, I HEARD it and begrudgingly accepted it. In the photo below, you can see how I am not aligned and you can see the limited space between the vertebrae (moderate degeneration—only a matter of time for severe degeneration, which is bone-on-bone).

His words, not to tell me to stop running, but to reconsider the longer distances. He acknowledges what running means to those who run. He suggested I SHOULDN’T run. And this time I listened because I have two smaller ones to consider. One day I would like to run with them, even if it is just a few miles. I expect to have late night dance parties with them. I expect to be upright, cheering them on in anything they are a part of.

So…

NYC will be my last marathon—he said it was ok to finish this training. New York City, my home away from home, the city full of promise, the city who gave me confidence in my body, the city filled with such positive, electric energy…that beautiful city. 7 years ago, the tagline was “Whatever it takes…” and this year, it is “Get your New York On, ” my favorite sign so far is “Get Your Invincible On.” I GET to have my final (yes, I realize it was just my second, but this was the gateway to ultras, to trail running, to others) marathon in one of the greatest cities in the world. New York turns out for a race and it is one glorious celebration! I GET to have closure. I GET to smile and soak in each “Go Bianca!!” one last time. I GET to feel Invincible for 5 grueling and glorious hours. My lungs, my back, my ankles, my knee, my brain, will be pulled by my heart, which has steadily grown because of all of the marvelous well wishes I have received from all of you! I literally hold them close to me, and remember them whenever I feel like I may hit a wall. Physically, I feel stronger than I did the last time I did this.

I will still run, just not for as long of a distance. I will still have an active lifestyle, only, I will consider long-term health more than before. I don’t regret going hard all of those years before. Also, I’m grateful that I didn’t know about any of my ailments, because I continued on as if I didn’t know any better and still achieved---without limits or impositions, treated just like everyone else. That suits my personality just fine.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who has given me their words of encouragement and those who I’ve been able to lean on and cry. Y’all have lifted me up and inspired me. I’m truly grateful!

I have asthma. I am an athlete.

Hello, I’m Bianca. Some of you know me already. Many others don’t.
Right now I’m training for my second marathon, slated to happen on November 2, 2014. I live in Texas and it gets incredibly hot. This summer, we’ve been lucky and it hasn’t been as bad as it typically is. That isn’t to say that it hasn’t had hot days. Those hot days really affect me. I have had fits of frustration and anger in the middle of my runs. I don’t like having to stop mid-run.

I have asthma.

What does that mean? What is it like? Well, for me, it is like not being able to get a breath. Imagine having a coffee stirrer straw in your mouth, then go out and sprint, breathing only through that straw, not using your nose. Sometimes, attempting a deep breath isn’t possible. Sometimes, you get the deep breath, but then the coughs start. Always, the next day the lungs are sore. I have a love/hate relationship with my inhaler. My inhaler lets me run. It opens the pathways and makes me feel strong. But the next day, my lungs feel like they’ve taken a beating from the inside by a gaggle of angry parasites throwing tiny stones. I arch my back several times, trying to pop it and open the chest cavity. I lace my shoes, and hit the pavement again.

I am a runner.

I have the same questions as many other people when running. We run around like hormonal teenagers, shifting moods in an instant. Why am I doing this? What is the point? It is so hot. It is so early. It is so cold. No, it is really early! Look, people are just getting home from their nights of revelry. My feet hurt. My feet are covered with blisters. My feet are covered with thick callouses. My knees hurt. I love these tiny bags of ice. Oooooh…a sale on running gear. This sports bra is fancy. I love the way these purple leggings feel. This unicorn tank top really allows great air flow to stay cool. I LOVE my purple spibelt. Oh wow, deodorant DOES work when you don’t have Glide. These socks are so fun. These socks suck, they give me blisters. No, these shoes give me blisters. Puff…I love my inhaler. My spibelt really does fit my inhaler, phone, chapstick, travel glide, and bloks wonderfully. Ahhh…my body hurts. It’s so early. Meh, it’s only 6 miles. Gahhh….4 miles again? I hate hills, they suck. Oooh, yaaay hills, they make me stronger. Fartleks? giggle Speed work…noooooo!!! Oh goody, speedwork day! Is it raining outside? I will wear my trail shoes. Where are my yurbuds? I need my yurbuds! Dangit, I don’t have connectivity to Spotify. Download your running mix from Spotify. Oooh, a running skirt? Is it in purple? I will never forget my glide again. Those shorts suck. I chafed so hard. Oooh, are those shorts in purple?  I wish my inhaler came in purple.
Somewhere in the middle of all that, you get the calm. You get the clarity. For me, it is like the world hits pause and all I hear are the cadence of my steps, tick-tick-ticking against the ground below me. My mind’s eye joins my seeing eyes, and I can pay witness to all of the splendor my maker has created before me. My lungs work. My legs are strong. My demon-voices leave my brain, replaced with the memories of cheers from my loves. My heart is happy. I give gratitude for I am able to run when others cannot. For them, I offer up my run. For them, I consider so much. Then I see my babies, my two daughters who look to me for guidance. I run for them. I see my Beloved. I run towards him, chasing him. He never gets so far ahead that I can’t see him. He somehow knows the wheeze and will slow. Quietly. Slowly. He waits for me, patiently, gives me an encouraging look. At the end of the training run, I get the high five reward. During races, each high five I get reminds me of that reward high five. I keep going. Each “Go Bianca” I think of my mother, my best friends, my sister and brother, my father, my daughters, my family, my friends. I keep going. My lungs hurt, my legs hurt. I keep going. Sweat stings my eyes, tears will stream down my face. I keep going. “Bianca fight never dies” is what I tell myself…even when I have to stop and walk. I keep going. “Hills are made for conquering” is what I tell myself…even when I have to pause at the top to catch my breath. I keep going.

I keep going. I keep going. I keep going. I am an athlete. I keep going.

(me on top of my favorite rock-hill in Central Park in Manhattan)

******************
This runner has an amazing write-up for running with asthma: http://www.lifesawheeze.com/p/running-with-asthma-101.html
I’m raising money for Robin Hood again! As of today, I’m $15 shy of $2000!!! I’m so humbled. Feeling generous? https://www.crowdrise.com/RobinHoodNYC2014/fundraiser/biancasias
Leave me a comment with a word of encouragement. I will carry your words with me in my heart when I run. And may literally carry them with me in a printed out piece of paper to keep going.

Keep Going…

Remember when I signed up for the half marathon? Well, I decided to get the training in gear for it. Last week, I found a training plan and put the number of miles I needed to run as an all day event in my calendar. So there, at the top of running days, the first thing I see is that number. All day long, I’m kept accountable until I log those miles. As par for the course, the first two miles for me are the roughest. It takes that long for me to get going and find my rhythm.

I’m steadily hitting that 5 mile stride again and in the next two weeks, I should be churning out 6 miles like a champ. This weekend, I do my longest training run at 10 miles. I need to allow myself to be guilt free for the time it takes me to run those miles. I’m so very lucky that my Beloved supports me and more often than not, greets my return with a large glass of water and a glass of wine as a chaser. Heck, that’s some serious motivation right there!

Yes, any run over 5 miles, I MUST ice my knees. I know since the last time I’ve done larger runs, I have leaned out some, but I also regularly wear 3+ inch heels 5 days out of 7. That and I am almost 5 years older. (eek) I also don’t do nearly the other activities I used to, like play volleyball or regularly attend classes at the gym. In spite of that, I am not only running, but I throw in a Jillian Michaels workout DVD to cross train. And on those occasions where the timing is right, I’ll get in a nice lifting workout with my hubby. He really pushes me to another threshold and well, let’s just say if my arms could talk today, they’d have a serious potty mouth case. Also, I swear by the hot tub. I hit it up at least once a week, twice is better. Warm showers are great. My inhaler is my BFF.

All that to say, keep going. I tell myself this constantly when I feel the hurt and the pain. I just have to push through and know that it’s worth it. It’ll be worth it. I’ll be able to run alongside my girls, dance with them, and be silly with them. I can encourage them to set their own physical goals to achieve better. Despite all of the genetic predispositions that I am faced with, I can still have a high quality of life and achieve things I probably shouldn’t achieve. I’m blessed to have a strong supportive network and I’m surrounded by many folks who inspire.
keep going.

Rockin’ Tequila

My body is waging war against me for some reason and its favorite attack is excessive amounts of mucus and raging headaches. I’m not complaining too much, just a tiny bit. (Because, really, who likes a complainer? No one!) Usually, when I get to this point, I end up going to my old trusted standbys: shot of tequila, quick runs, and wet sauna stretch sessions.

My grandfather swore by the medicinal properties of tequila. When I’m feeling especially cold-sy, I pull out a shot (chill it with a squirt of fresh lime juice in it) and the burn feels good. It isn’t an instant relief, but it does make me feel better. Plus, I may or may not have had more than one a couple of times and then I just didn’t care about being sick any longer…maybe.

Running…well, running really activates my lungs. I have asthma. Apparently I’ve had it my whole life and just didn’t know it. I now have an inhaler, but I only use it when necessary. I don’t like the jitters it gives me. I do like that I’m better able to breathe, though. Anyway, I run to open my lungs. And when I run, I work them into such a tizzy that the depths of my lungs convulse and force me to cough up all of that nastiness that I am unable to achieve with regular coughing. It sounds entirely too painful and stupid, I know, but it works for me.

The sauna is a super happy place for me. In my gym, they infuse eucalyptus in the steam. It is really hot, steamy, and the essential oils work their magic. I grab a couple of towels and sit in there and do stretching. Not yoga (although, I’ve seen some gals do that, too), but basic stretching and concentrated, deep and long breaths. It is glorious.

Last night, I had a couple of tequilas. I also remembered that it was the last night to register for less than $100 for the Rock N Roll Half Marathon, which I did.  In recent weeks, my husband and I have been hitting our budget hard. Like really combing through each item so we can get closer to financial freedom. It has taken quite a bit of courage to face the truths. I had committed to this half marathon before we had these budget discussions. I said a prayer for it and you know what’s awesome! I received payment from a service that allowed me to register!

Before I’d chosen my word for the year, I’d mentally accepted that I was going to run this race. My cousin who normally  walks the 3Day committed to it. This is her first half marathon. I want to be there with her! This race was one of the driving forces for me to choose COURAGE.

“Hello Bianca…duh, you’ve totally already run a marathon and a half marathon. Why do you need courage?”

1. I’ve trained for those, I know what to expect.
2. It means I sleep less.
3. It means I wake up with an achier body.
4. It means a lot of time alone spent in my head thinking.
5. It means lungs hurt.
6. It means getting chafed in awkward places as I learn what clothes perform best for me.
7. It means peeing in bushes (and on myself).
8. It also means pooping or vomiting in nature. (Runners are gross!)
9. It means many guilt trips I give myself for not going as fast as I’d like.
10. It means less time doing other things. (like sleep…ha ha ha)
11. It means that I need courage to face all of these known factors because I know it’ll be worth it.

I just needed a bit of liquid courage to put all of that in motion. Let’s go!

Running and Holiday Lights

It's been unseasonably warm here, like, I'm so glad I'm lazy because I still have my Summer clothes out, type of warm. It has been incredibly difficult to get into the "spirit" of things in the absence of the cooler winds. And instead of wallowing in the absence of what I expect, we decided to enjoy it...at least for the limited remaining days it is here.

Every year, unplanned, we will take a detour on our way home and snake our way through the neighborhood to oooh and aaaah at all of the pretty lights. A couple of years, we were lucky enough to have some hot chocolate with us to sip on while we looked at the lights.

This year, however, we strapped the girls in the jogging stroller and took advantage of the early dark hours. We aimed for a 5K, but would be happy with 2 miles. Off we ran, snaking the neighborhood and looking at all of the pretty lights.

During this run, I discovered that one of my favorite pairs of running shorts were falling off of me. Like, holy moly, I'm about to have a serious wardrobe malfunction up in here. Why? Well, those of you who are runners already know this. For the rest of you, most running shorts are made with built-in underwear. Therefore, you don't need to wear another pair. In fact, if you are a runner, you are probably logging several miles regularly and the added underwear will more likely cause chafing in unmentionable places. It's a runner thing. Same as with body glide, peeing on yourself, pooping in the bushes...runners are dirty folks, but it doesn't mean they are all nasty. Some of us carry biodegradable toilet paper and are never far from a cleaning towel, antibacterial sanitizer, and a change of shorts. Wow, that was a tangent! Anyway, like I said, shorts falling off.

I was so pre-occupied with my shorts, that I was unable to find my rhythm. My little running playlist was putting its best food forward to motivate me, but I was so paranoid with my clothes. And then there were the pretty, pretty lights!

Probably my favorite one of the run was this one:

After all, He is the reason for this season. It warmed my heart to see that. 

Then, it was time to get the show on the road and get our workout really on. I'd finally finagled my shorts so they would stay put. We were about to kick it up a notch, when we had to cross a kinda busy residential street to get to the really busy street. The sidewalks down this street only exist on one side. They just abruptly end 2 blocks before getting to the busier street. While crossing the street (which isn't the normal concrete in most residential neighborhoods, but rather a tough asphalt), I lost my footing on the ground and did a wonderful rendition of a skip ball chain, hop, hop, hop, twist, to forward dive. I gently tossed my phone on the ground and caught myself with my palms and the top of my chest. I tripped and ate it pretty good. 

I took a deep breath, pushed off, tucked my ear buds back in (music still playing), shook the rocks off of my hands and began to run again. My Beloved concerned for me, but not making it a big deal and continued to run. I felt the familiar burn coming with the pain. I was reminded, again of my mortality. As my legs moved, I was invigorated that I had the ability to run. I felt the burn in my palms, the blood slowly escaping my body. I also felt the burn in my chest from breathing. I felt the burn in my legs from the running. In that moment, I was deeply grateful to not only be alive, but healthy enough to run...and yes, pick myself back up to keep running.

When I got home, I cleaned off my hands and here is what my right palm looked like before I added the peroxide and bandage.

And now, with my favorite waterproof bandages, Nexcare Star Wars bandages! I'd posted on my Instagram "yoda heal me!"

The only thing about this particular bandage is that the "tattoo" portion or graphic image wears off rather quickly and then you are left with just a regular ol' waterproof bandage. It's still fun while you have it and it protects your wounds. No, they didn't pay me to say that? I wasn't even offered anything to plug these bandages, I just think they are nifty and next time you are buying bandages and you think, "I'm an adult and I shouldn't get fun stuff"well, I'm here to tell you that if you want a fun image on your owie-boo-boo then by golly, get what you want and splurge! Put it on there and watch how much faster you will heal! (Growing up the decorated bandages cost more money, so Mom would suggest we draw on the plain bandages if we were so bent on decoration.)

What are some of your holiday traditions?

Taking Care of Your Body

Jacki is a wealth of information and knowledge, but she's also inspiring. She isn't full of those cheesy quotes that, I'll admit, I like, but sometimes are annoying. She keeps it real. For example:  

"Please, friends, take your health seriously! Fix your diet! Exercise! You are NOT super human!"

I'd been boo-hooing to myself about my ankle and making all sorts of excuses to not workout. I mean, really, c'mon. I have the dang TV on. I even have it on the free OnDemand section, more often than not. I just need to scroll on over to the Exercise section and get moving. But NOOOoO! I want to run. I want foot to hit pavement and log miles. I like seeing the distance. I like the running endorphins. Who is this crazy person talking in my head? Oh, yeah, it's that tiny voice inside of me that was quivering with emotion because just 3 short years ago, I was in New York running a marathon!

I made a promise to myself that I would run, no matter the pain on Monday. Even if it was just a quarter mile, I just needed to get moving and get back on track. Luckily for me, I had some things going for me. Redbox sent me a code for a free movie. HOORAY! I weighed myself earlier and somehow managed to break the threshold that I haven't broken since 3 years ago!! REALLY! 3 years since I was last in this weight category!!! My little goal of 1lb per week is working! I wanted to keep it at, so a run would only help that.

And then it started sprinkling.

My head was pounding, dinner was ready when I got home, I needed to edit photos, visit mom, catch up with a friend, all of this nonsense that is my typical evening. My nephew was playing his final football game and I really wanted to be there, but with the girls schedule (or lack thereof, but I'm trying to get them on one), I wished him good luck and he understood. Even better when my sister told me that it may be cancelled because of lightning.

I snuggled Tesla-bug in our bed and she nursed for a bit. I was totally zapped and ready to nap, when I looked up. Don was dressed to go for a run. He had Mari ready and was preparing the stroller. So, I too got dressed. I threw on my shorts and my old marathon long sleeve tech shirt. It was humid. I thought, "Quick run, Bianca. You have to run fast to beat this rain. It's a short two miles!" I set the timer and off we went. And boy howdy did we take off! I logged that first mile in under 9 minutes! We had a short break at the stop light and at Redbox. (After all, they were the reason we were running to begin with.) It started sprinkling, but I didn't pay any attention. It felt GREAT! While we were waiting for the light to change, I did some squats and air squats with jumps. Mari had a wonderful kick out of it, commanding me to do more jumping. She's such a hardcore trainer, that one!

On the trip back, though, my lungs began to catch fire again. My throat was feeling it, but I pressed on. As we trekked across the concrete, though, I slipped a bit. My ankles were fine, but I swore I had mis-stepped. No worries, my initial body check still felt normal. I kept running, even though my pace had slowed dramatically. That was until we ran past crazy homeless man who was shouting Jet's "Cold Heart B!tch" song. Um, no thank you crazy dude. Keep those lyrics to yourself and out of earshot of my 3 year old who wants to repeat everything. I sensed Don speed up and his uneasiness. I kicked it in gear and my fight or flight response really kicked in. I don't know, but when I passed him, I got the super-duper willies! Yikes! Then, I really kicked up the run, and was running alongside Don. I was steady at an 8:30 mile pace uphill in the wet grass (the sidewalk wasn't wide enough) to get away from him. And then my imagination took me to The Walking Dead and all I could think was us desperately fleeing hungry zombies. What a horrific thought! But it got me going!

An hour after the run, my ankle started to swell, but it wasn't in dramatic pain. However, my back....ugh! My poor, poor back. I wanted to say I was suffering sympathy pains for my mother, but no, this was my doing. I somehow tweaked it and it became painful to sit, stand, or walk. Don ran off to the store to buy a new heating pad (mine finally bit the dust after, oh, 15 years). While he was gone, I took a hot bath with a Calavera Lush bath bomb and Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential. Yeah, I know, I've been reading that book for over a year now. Whatever. It takes that long when you only read two paragraphs every other week! I think I only have 3 chapters before I'm done, though! yaay!

At work, my back was still screaming, despite taking an Advil. I scurried down to the little bodega on the first floor with hopes they would have a Thermacare heating pad. WHAT LUCK! Of course they did! They have everything in there, including Silver Oak wine, cigars, pregnancy tests, ice cream bars, lottery tickets, Hallmark cards, and well, any thing else you may need. I tore open the package and put it on. Within half an hour, I had some much needed relief! I made it through the rest of the day, but I will definitely be icing it before my next run and scheduling an appointment with my chiropractor to get adjusted!

All that to say, take care of your body. Listen to what it says! Maybe mine is telling me to give the running a rest and get back into yoga with intermittent runs.

Review: New Balance Minimus

Do you remember your most favorite pair of shoes from your childhood? No? Maybe I was the only one who obsessed about shoes to the Nth degree. Physical Education class in 6th grade introduced me to community showers, spray deodorant, and quick changes. Back then, there were specialty shoes for different activities. I had softball cleats. I had sandals. I had some basketball shoes. Some of my friends were sporting the fancy Nike Air Max shoes. Me, well, I had Payless brand Fastbak (sp?) sneakers. They white leather shoes, that bordered the old school nursing shoes. Not attractive. Shortly into the school year, we were required to do these 20 minute runs. Essentially, the coach would start the clock and you had to run for 20 straight minutes. I remembered being so stressed about running for 20 minutes straight, until I actually did it and then it became a challenge to see if I could get 3 miles in 20 minutes. I became really close when I wore a pair of red slipper type of shoes that resembled a pair of TOMS. Less bulk shoe, the faster I felt. I had speed!

Fast forward 20+ years and here we are today. I'm still in pursuit of that perfect sneaker. Nearly three years ago I bought my first pair of Vibram Classic five fingers. Last year, to prepare for the triathlon, I purchased the Vibram Bikila. This year I was going to go for the Vibram Speed, but held off. The more I wore the Bikila, the more restricted I felt in them. They didn't "stretch" as much as my Classic. It just felt like more shoe minus the speed. I also had a pair of regular running sneakers that I HATED wearing. Every time I wore them, I felt like I was running in boots. Too heavy! Then, I heard about the New Balance Minimus with the Vibram sole. I'd been wanting these shoes for a long while. Well, wanting to see them, test them out, give 'em a whirl.

When I set off to rent another hybrid bike for my 2nd triathlon, I popped into the neighboring Run On! (Sidenote: I felt like such a traitor for not purchasing at Luke's because I'd been shopping there for the past 3 years!!!!) They had the shoe in stock and in my size. I slipped 'em on and boy howdy did they make me feel powerful! They were a bit snug around the middle of my foot and gave my arches a good hug. Let it be known, there is NO arch support inside of the shoe. There's a very light weight mesh upper with an AMAZING, gripping Vibram sole. I my toes stretched and flexed, my foot felt stable and I knew with time, the internal footbed would mold to every curvature. I was looking forward to taking them for a dance. I wore them around the remainder of the day running errands. No better way to break in a pair of shoes than to wait for the last day, right? That's sarcasm, by the way. DON'T EVER break in a pair of shoes the day before any race, ever, ever, ever! EVER. Unless your name is Bianca and you are a glutton for punishment.

5AM came plenty early. I threw on my outfit, laced my sneakers, and was excited about not having to worry about socks. Although, I did pack a pair just in case. When I walked out, the air was chilly. Seriously, I had a chill. A few days earlier, 5AM still had near 100 degree temperature. That day, it was right at 70. Wow! We arrived and immediately, I set off to the transition area to prep my bike, towel, and whatever else I thought I needed. I took off my shoes, and left the laces wide open to make putting the shoes on easier. And then we went to wait. No seriously, the race began at 7AM and it was 6:20. Again, I was towards the end of the start, so I didn't get into the water until 8:10. My swim time was much improved! I felt so confident with it that I think I could actually get my swimming time down to as fast as I run in the water! I came up to the transition area feeling loose and great. I put on my shoes, helmet, camelback (lifesaver!!!), gloves, and Tech WW jersey. Off I took, and an hour and 12 miles later I found myself in the transition area once again. I slipped on my race number belt, grabbed my phone, and took off running. Half an hour later, I was done. Good thing too because Tesla was hungry...and we packed the kitchen sink, but forgot to pack the bottle!*

No blisters on my feet. No tired feet! No aching knees. No aching hips. No threatening ankles. Mildly sore shins, but that was rollover from the last tri and other runs. I expected the pain to be far worse, when in reality it wasn't bad. Quite the opposite, actually. See how happy I am? Yes, those are fashion sunglasses on top of my head. That's how I roll! This is me with my sister. We are showing off medals and our "guns up!" That puddle under me is the spot where I'd just washed mine and Mari's hands. Why I didn't step away from it, I have no idea. I know it looks like I peed myself. ha ha! (Shoutout to Mom & Dad for being awesome! Not only did they cheer us on, but they watched the girls for us so we could compete!)

I was quite surprised how quickly these shoes "dried". I was still quite wet from my swim when I put the shoes on. I did try my feet, but there was probably quite a bit of runoff. I didn't have a bicycle cage for the rental. It was just a regular ol' foot pedal. As I biked, I could feel water flying out of the shoe. There were a few times that my shoe slipped off from lack of grip. I made a note to be sure to have some kind of cage/strap for my pedals. Also, you must double knot these shoes. Half way through the ride, one of my laces came undone and I wasn't about to pull over to tie it. The lace survived and luckily, didn't get caught up in the wheel! In the 2nd transition, I took the time to double knot both shoes. The run was on a parking lot surface, a sidewalk, part of a track, and ended on turf. All of those varying surfaces and not one single problem! I'm not sure how they would fare with socks. I've only worn them while barefoot. Even then, I don't have an issue with "stinky feet" smell in my shoes.

Hours after the race, we were off to a photoshoot with a very active set of 4 year old twin girls. I wore the shoes again. They were even more comfortable during the shoot. I seriously want to buy a 2nd pair of these just to keep them in my rotation. I highly recommend them if you are into minimal/barefoot running. They retail about $100. Now to find a fun pair of red shoe laces! :)


________________________


*And Momma doesn't get a break. Baby is hungry, so here I am feeding Tesla a few minutes after finishing. I kinda wish Mae Burke would have appeared out of no where to capture this, but Don did pretty good with the camera phone. For the record, this is one of my most favorite memories!

March Loves

I was inspired by Elise's I love march. post, so I figured I'd do my own. Mine, you will notice, is quite a bit different from hers, but this is currently what I'm enjoying!

1. Bella Umbrella $129...first discovered at A Graceful Home. (Kristine has impeccable taste!)
2. BOB Revolution Duallie SE $629...gifted to me by my wonderful sister to help me Motivate it Forward!
3. Peach Cobbler $4-$8...I can't seem to get enough of this stuff. I seriously need to make a batch for myself. Oh and peaches, I have been loving me some peaches!
4. Red Mango Fro Yo $3-$5...I love their apricot and white peach flavors with 6 Cap'n Crunch, lots of blueberries, almonds, granola, and a few fruity gummy bears
5. Lily Pads Silicone Shields $20 or so...ok, so I haven't started using this yet, but I remember LOVING them the first go 'round that I have a pair packed in the hospital bag for the birth!

Do you all have anything that you are lovin' this month?

Motivate It Forward

What once started out as a half dream turned into a reality. It started with my Mom. When I had Mari, the seed was planted and I participated in our first race. Don had noticed that I'd been logging quite a few miles with our regular travel system stroller, so he purchased an adequate jogging stroller with lots of gadgets that I would enjoy. I was particularly fond of the built-in speakers, which would connect to any of my music devices or any video player to enable sound. Since I was still a budding runner, I didn't know much difference between what differentiated the different jogging strollers. I just knew they were a lot easier to maneuver and run with than the travel system stroller.

Then one day, I went for a run with my friend and I had immediate stroller envy. Hers was extremely lightweight and seemed to fly! I'd seen these in the race and had been drawn to them. I remember later researching them when I got home and completely dismissed the thought because quite frankly, the price point put it waaaay out of our budget.

Fast forward a year and we bought a bike trailer, the Trek GoBug to be exact. They offered a stroller conversion kit, but we didn't purchase it online when we bought the trailer. We figured we would get to that later. Well, later came and during that time, Trek quit making the bike trailer and the conversion kit! Here we are on the brink of another child, and we find ourselves not only short a double stroller, but also with a single jogging stroller and two children. hmmm...

Again, keeping finances in mind, I'd searched for something that would be adequate. Mari isn't much on riding in a stroller any more, but she will ride when I run longer distances. I already have my first post-baby 5K scheduled, so all I needed was the right gear. Not to worry because worst case scenario, I'd use the ol' travel system to walk and Don would push Mari in the jogger. This, of course, saddened me a bit, especially because this was mine and Mari's race. We'd done it together every year.

And then my sister's generosity totally took me by surprise and to say that I was humbled with gratitude is an understatement. Meet BOB, our Cadillac of joggers. This stroller is nearly everything I wanted. I need to purchase the tray for the handlebar, but everything else is EXACTLY what I wanted. Lightweight, folds compact, fixed wheel, with the option for a swivel, dual sun shades and recliner, easy brake, adjustable handlebars, and not too loud of a color. (Bonus that Don/Tesla added some nifty running socks for both me and Tesla...SCORE!)

Sam believes in me. She's a fantastic big sister and one of my biggest supporters in anything that I do. I run. She runs, swims, and bikes. She has encourage me to add swimming and biking. I have  agreed to do a triathlon in September with her, but for those first few months, I will be concentrating on running. With BOB, Mari & Tesla in tow, it won't be long before I find my stride again.

Thanks Sam! I love you! I hope I can continue MOTIVATING IT FORWARD.

2010 Komen Race for the Cure

Just as we have done in the past 3 years, we have pulled ourselves out of bed on an early Saturday morning to run and walk for a purpose. This year, I took the reigns of Team Captain for our company team and I happily welcomed some new faces. One of whom had never run a 5K before, so this was very exciting indeed. This is our team, minus one face who was ill that morning, so she had to bow out. Nevertheless, her husband rocked it out and could have run it twice before I finished. ha ha, but this year was just about finishing and honoring our loved ones.

 

All of us were inspired to run for someone, and the Friday before the race, I sent a note reaching out to my fellow co-workers to see if they wanted us to include a special name to the list. Here is the list that we all wore on the day. Survivors give me hope. People battling cancer right now could use a card like this one. I know I totally would have sent one to Margie!

Anyhow, here's a gratuitous picture of my sugarbean. Isn't she a doll? All cozy in the jogger with her juice, her iTouch (ready to watch The Princess & the Frog & Alice)

And the race? It was a resounding success, all-in-all. I say all-in-all because as always, the start is a hot mess. I pay extra to be timed, who knows why? Maybe just to see how I improve from year to year, not sure. And every year, I fail to get to the front to avoid the giant collision at the start. This year, maneuverability became even more taxing because Mari weighs more, I had more in the buggy, and I'm nearly 4 months pregnant. Not excuses, just obstacles I had to overcome. Which, when you throw in all of the aggressive people, amateur runners who aren't aware on the course, and people who just don't care, you are bound to almost run into a really cute elderly lady who was probably cussing you in her head. That image of fright and anger still lingers with me. Even though the near collision wasn't my fault because a guy had rammed his shoulder into mine as he and his wife/running partner whizzed by me, I still felt guilty. I questioned my sanity as to why I was even in the race to begin with. I just kept telling myself, make it to that first mile. Get to the mile and you'll be ok. Everything will be ok.

I turned the corner, and saw the first mile marker and I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Here is where my ego took a slight hit because the time said 14 minutes. Yes, I'm about 15 lbs heavier than normal, I was pushing nearly 40lbs, and I'm growing a human, but the inner athlete in me still wants to be in that sub 9 minute range. Dream big! I rubbed my belly, sent a prayer to our child for good health. Said a prayer for my good health. And prayed for Mari and her amazing energy and health. I'm still setting a good example and the goal is to finish the race healthy and uninjured. Mari pleaded with me to "go faster Mommy." I glanced at my heartrate monitor, and looked ahead. I thought, yeah, I can jog this part. It's all downhill. Not many people, and no harm. We had a nice mile-long jog at about a 10 minute mile pace. She was happy, I was happy. We told many people good job. I talked with a man pushing his 3 year old. He told me he had a 20+ child. I kidded that he had so much fun the first time around that he had to do it all over again. :D He smiled and looked down at his daughter and I could see the pride in his eyes. I knew he was running for her future. I passed a crafty 60+ woman who had fashioned a granny bonnet out of the scarves we had received. I passed a couple of survivors, and a couple of survivors passed me.

Then we reached the bottom of the last big hill, I glanced at my monitor and realized that I had to go back to walking. I was having a bit too much fun, apparently, and my heart rate had gotten out of control. I pushed the stroller up to the top and was invigorated by the sun kissing our sweaty bodies. The music grew louder, my legs began to tighten, and inside deep down, my body was aching to run. It took all of my will to keep that desire at bay. Mari continued to cheer on the walkers and runners. I happily cheered too, letting them know they were nearly done. Right before we were to round the last corner, this gal came up next to me and encouraged me to run. She told me that I was her inspiration and that we needed to finish it together. I smiled and let her know I appreciated her sentiments. I promised I would catch up. Just 30 more seconds. I can keep walking for 30 seconds to get the beats down. But my excitement pulsing through my body was not allowing it. I finally gave in and with less than 250 meters remaining, I kicked it in gear. Not quite a full on sprint, but close. And then I saw my beloved. He encouraged me to go faster. I warned him about my heart rate and then looked up. Less than a hundred, I can totally manage. Then a path of people had parted and I kicked in as high of gear as I possibly could. I not only caught up to my friend, but I passed her and I could hear her chuckling. After we crossed the finish line, she gave me a high five.

I then went off in search of a banana, an apple, some yogurt, and definitely some water. I was so grateful that I packed an extra shirt and flip flops to change into because I was done wearing the compression top.It was a great run and I'm so glad I was able to finish, and not just finish, but finish strong. Very, very blessed to have my health to run for a purpose. I'm looking forward to next year!

Walk, Do Not Run

I liked running as a kiddo, then sometime in middle school, I was introduced to punishment runs. Up-back-up-back-up-back-up-back for basketball, 6 down and backs for volleyball. I started to not like running. By the time I was in college, I missed the gym runs. They were replaced by outside pyramid runs on the track or infinite runs on the in the gym. When we were told to change out of our gym shoes, take off the knee pads, and lace up our sneakers, we knew we were in for a long night of running. One time, after a game, such was the case, and the coach had us on the line long after the stands were empty and the net down. She blew the whistle, walked out of the gym, and nothing was heard but the echoing sound of running feet on the hardwood floor. I remember being so angry. I remember questioning my sanity. I remember telling myself that one day I wouldn't hate running. One day I was going to run a marathon and not hate it.

Nine months after giving birth to my daughter, I once again questioned my sanity as I toured the boroughs of New York City. I'd made my peace with running. I claimed the title of runner during that process. I wasn't super fast, but I had the tenacity to hold it together to finish.

The time recently passed when I was going to do my first sprint triathlon. When we learned of Tesla, I knew there was no way I'd be able to keep my heart rate down below the recommended level of 165 beats per minute. I can't even lightly jog and keep that hr down. I just get too excited, too amped up. So walking it is. To not be a total shock to my system, I've been walking less than 2 miles at a time, closer to the one mile. I would like to work up to a comfortable 5 mile walk. I feel happier and the endorphins are mighty!

I don't mind it. I think I need to slow down. I need to enjoy nature and all that surrounds me. I need to listen to my body and give thanks for what it is doing. But next year, I'll be back at it in full force if my body allows me. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the walks with light weight training mixed, until I'm feeling up for improving my swimming technique (or lack thereof).

Bikila & CardioTrainer

I ordered the new Vibram Bikila shoes last week and I wore them for the first time while walking around a tiny bit in Austin. Today, I slipped them on for my first running workout. I also used the CardioTrainer app to track some of my progress. 

Sidenote: I know many people who use this application and they like it. Since I now have a Droid phone, I opted to utilize CardioTrainer. It's a free app and it isn't perfect, but I do like that it "talks" to me to give me my pace. 8:03 min/mile was my fastest time, 24:10 min/mile was my slowest time. It couldn't accurately record my sprinting speed, I guess I'm that fast, not sure. It just kinda blanked out, recorded the distance and called it good. LOL. It is a nifty little thing and I like that it integrates with my music (which at the current time I have loaded onto my phone). Those of you with a Droid phone or iPhone, need to go out and install it ASAP because it is good stuff! 

Anyway, the run/review, I'm super-fly, super fast. No, really. It was nearly 100 degrees outside, and it felt REALLY hot on that black track. The air was super thick and I only felt a slight breeze on one side of the track. But, I knocked out that first mile in just under 9 minutes. I haven't done that in a LOOOOONG time. The second mile took longer because I was doing sprint intervals with a walk rest or lunges in between. Either way, the Bikilas hold up much better on my feet than the original Vibram Five Finger Classic. Similar to the KSOs, but they have added grip to the bottom. I'l take a closer look on my next run so you can see what I mean. I have only slight tenderness on my right big toe, but that was completely from my sprint race with a soccer player who was running a 100 for time. He did pretty good, clocking in at just over 11 seconds. I know I was somewhere between 13 and 14. Not too shabby, I think, but of course, the 100 race was NEVER a race for me. Any sprinters would laugh at me and I chased their dust. ha ha ha! Nevertheless, I felt fast! 

I can't wait to go out and do some more.  

(I did not receive compensation from CardioTrainer or Vibram to write this review, but for those of you lurkers interested in letting me be an affiliate or advertise for you, I'm totally open to it!)

3rd Annual Seton Soles 5K

Yep, it was that time of year for us to do our annual Seton Soles 5K to officially kick off racing season for us. Racing season is when we'll participate in all sorts of 5Ks, half marathons, and sprint triathlons. (marathons are reserved for years when I give birth.)

I wrote about the first time we did it here. I wrote about last year's experience here. This year was awesome not just because of all of the extra fun things for familypalooza (more to come on that in a second) but because Don got a PR (personal record) and finished within the first 100. Mari and I busted out a decent time and finished in the top 200. This was a major improvement from last year! When I rounded mile 2 to push up the hill, I was focused and not drained. I even passed a gal from last year, who commented that she remembered me and that I was looking great. Talk about a little bit of an extra boost. Just what I needed. I was around 30 seconds shy of breaking 30 minutes. Not too shabby while pushing an extra 27 lbs. Just like she did both the first and 2nd times, she fussed for a bit when we ran past the school. The first year because she was hungry. The 2nd year because she wanted her daddy and a banana. This year because she saw the school and wanted to play on the playground...and she wanted a banana. This time, I was able to run a little faster and she was distracted by the wind in her violent curls. I cut up a bit with these two teenage boys, razzing them to go a bit faster. One of them was wearing an SMU Womens Athletics shirt and I told him he was not doing the shirt justice. With that, is friend ribbed him and goaded him to start running. She's pushing a wheelchair and beating you! Um...not a wheelchair, but I knew what he meant. They propelled me to Don, who I motioned away to keep running. I needed a rabbit for the end. This year was an extra treat because Carol joined us, and she didn't just walk the whole thing, but actually ran a bit too! Exciting!

Despite the rain, they still had Familypalooza. They had 8 different inflatable activities, including a bounce house, obstacle course, big slide, and a few other things. This lady was also going around making balloon animals for everyone. They even had a fun group of young people dressed as bees who were affiliated with a summer camp. They were so full of energy and life. It was definitely a fun time. Unfortunately, we had to leave prior to them announcing winners. Unfortunate, because Carol won one of the gift certificates!

Looking forward to doing it again next year!

Fabulous 3

For Sias track night, I found myself telling Don that I had the urge to run to the track instead of riding in the car. He'd already loaded Mari into the car, so he opted to meet me there. 24 minutes later and I finally showed. I started to beat myself up about it, because no way was my mile average 12 minutes. Instead, I opted to do a quick track workout to compensate for my little "warm-up" jog.

We walked a lap, then I proceeded to do a series of air squats/sprints/push-ups, along with other leg stretches. I finished off with a timed 400. That 400 took just over 2 minutes, but it wasn't too shabby considering all I'd done before and kicked at the 125 meter marker instead of the 200. AAAAND...I was very proud that I was able to do 20 solid "normal" pushups too! HIGH FIVE

Later, I went out to mapmyrun.com and based on the distance, my average mile pace was just over 10 minutes instead of 12. I'm only a minute off pace and not a full 3 minutes like I thought.

In either case, I need to "get into shape." While I maintained my strength training for the past few weeks, I hadn't kept up with endurance training. I'm going to focus on doing a better job of both.

Also, I've decided to opt out of the triathlon this month and instead focus my sites on a 10K race at the middle of the month. Gotta start small and you have to start somewhere. I did the 20K race last year, but I was doing quite a bit more running too. It's ok, though. I'm more than willing to make up the ground!

Glory Days

Once upon a time there was a girl who could run for hours, climb trees with ease, jump rope for days, and hang upside down on her swing set until the sun went down...all while wearing a skirt, no less.

That girl grew up to do more running on tracks and in gyms. Whistles shrill-tweeting to stop-go-stop-go-drop-jump-go-stop...faster, faster, faster, push harder, just a little more, keep going, find the strength, MTXE (mental toughness extra effort), push, push, push...Yes, pushing that hard in 100 degree heat just over 10 years ago had me drop 20 lbs in less than 2 weeks time. Unhealthy, um....yes. But it proved to me that I could push my body to extremes and survive.

Back then, I didn't appreciate the beauty of youth. If I mis-stepped and popped/rolled an ankle, I sprung back up because my ligaments were used to it. I might've been tight for a couple of days, but nothing that had me limping for a week. Standing flat footed, I could coil down and jump straight up in the air and touch the middle of a basketball net. Give me a step, then jump and I could graze the rim. I could whip out a mile in no time at all, all this after a volleyball tournament because I was invariably in trouble and had to make up my punishment runs. Trouble not because I sassed back or voiced an opinion, but trouble because I wasn't perfect. Each serve, every pass, and most importantly, ever set had to be P-E-R-F-E-C-T. Yes, an unhealthy complex developed and I eventually walked away from something I held very near to me because I'd made a promise that once it was a job and no longer fun, I'd part ways. That whole life lesson proved to be invaluable, even to this day. Sometimes it really, really hurts to walk away, but that's what you have to do.

Fast forward to yesterday and I willingly signed up to visit a personal trainer who would yell at me and push me to extremes that were extremely reminiscent of times past. It is a small training group, 3 of us to be exact. I'm the only female. I told the guy that I'd rather be the worst in the small group, instead of the best. Sure, I had a lot of anxiety, but I knew it would be worth it. There were no whistles, but there were lots of words of encouragement and high fives. He pushed me hard. I pushed myself, all the while thinking, "I must be out of my damn mind!" It took me back to those glory days, days that I hated, but looking back is now bittersweet. I've made my peace with all of that, and so I hit the track and the gym hard, nostalgic for those tweet, tweet, tweets echoing off the gym walls. When I walked into the small gym, the familiar dirty sweat smell enveloped my senses and to me, that's the smell of work! I'm sore, but excited. I told myself I would commit to a month and we'll see what happens. Financially, I'm not sure if I can make it work out, but I'm going to do my darnest to keep up with it. Because quite frankly, I like how positive I feel. I like that energized feeling and I LOVE working out again. It makes me feel great!

So great in fact, that the next night, tonight, we had Sias Track Night (immediately after yoga). Here I am getting a warm-up lap in. Yep, I'm pushing that jogging stroller.

Mari was ready to run. She does this thing where she lays down to prepare for her lap around the track. (Yes, that's 400M) On your mark...
Get set....
Go!!! This is the end of the lap. See how her arms are out and she's slightly leaning forward for the finish?? That's my girl!
I'm so proud of her and I hope she enjoys physical fitness as much as Don and I.
Whew, all that running calls for a water break!
Here's my nice dirty-sweaty family. Cheers to health!
And cheers to a better quality of life. See my gut in the above picture, that's all that's leftover from Mari. I've lost all of the "weight" but now that flab needs to firm up. I'll be about 2% sad to see it go since it did provide help in making my baby, but I want to be a good example of health for her. I don't want to take it for granted.

I'm extremely appreciative of having that foundation set for me early on by my own parents. While my mom may be in a wheelchair, boy you should see her fly in it! On days where she's feeling up for it, she'll zoom past you in her walker! And daddy too, he's a walking machine, especially around the expansive Tech campus. :) Well, and sister too! She has RA and is doing triathlons and half marathons. She says the movement helps to keep the RA at bay.

Now go on out there and get some fresh air and take advantage of your health! (and have a shot of tequila, as my grandfather would say...a tequila a day keeps the heart strong...ha ha! I think he just celebrated his 82nd birthday, so he knows a thing or two about longevity.).