“Why are you so tired? You just haven’t seemed like much of yourself.”

Her words pierced my heart because this not-so-secret SECRET I’d been holding onto had finally started to present itself to the world. I remember having endless amounts of energy. I also remember when I was in high school, I went through weeks of less energy than normal, but I always equated it with hormonal shifts. During my early 20s, though, I started to notice extreme fatigue. I figured it was because of all of the added stress I put myself under and the lack of sleep I was getting. Once I graduated, though, I felt much better. I was tired, but not like before. After the birth of my second daughter, though, I noticed I struggled to find energy. Again, I chalked it up to being a mother to two adorable, precarious, and energetic small ones. However, something that seemed to become more and more common was the regularity in which I was contracting strep. I went from getting it once a year, to 3-4 times a year for the past few years.

Then my health continued to shift downward. I had vertigo. I discovered I had a Venus Cavernous Malformation. I have degenerative disk disease, likely cause by a fracture in my lower spine that I sustained when I was 4. I have asthma. And….I’m exhausted. Like I was hit by a truck exhausted. At the end of this summer, I went in to my doctor, with certainty that I had strep, yet again, but detailed everything else I had on my mind. She ran lots of blood work for me, ordered an MRI, and I waited for the results.

“Bianca, it appears that you have arthritis in your neck. I’m going to recommend pain management therapy, even though I’m sure you will decline.” She referred me to a pain management specialist, but I declined--for now. Just as I declined for my chronic back pain. I am able to live with the pain, so I don’t want to undergo injections until I really need it. But for now, I am able to manage just fine as long as I keep stretching. My doctor was ok with my decision for now and she was supportive of me. “Just keep moving, Bianca. That’s the best thing that you can do. Move within reason, though. Don’t go crazy!” she told me.

“Bianca, you don’t have anemia, but you do have low Ferritin.” Ferritin is the protein that iron binds to, so if is low, then you have lower iron. I show many traits of anemia, but I am not anemic. She encouraged me to shift my pescatarian diet to one that included red meat a couple of times a week. I tried it and I did feel more energy, but I also felt heavier and slower.

“Bianca, you have Epstein-Barr Virus. Actually, you have so many antibodies of it, that we can’t even measure it. Based on what I can tell, you have had EBV since  you were a teenager. Have you ever felt so tired you feel like you’ve been run over by a truck? Have you had a coffee for energy, but it doesn’t seem to work?” I nodded my head. “Well,” she said as she put her hand on me, “you have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. And right now, you are experiencing a really bad episode.”

I was shocked, but calmly asked what I could do, while letting out tiny sobs. She encouraged me to rest, while also smiling knowing that it would be very difficult for me to do that. She said, “Bianca, I’m going to need you to take a diet from life. Just pull back a bit and allow your body to heal, because you don’t know the long term damage that you could be causing by not resting when you need to. Please take a couple of days off from everything as you need to. Yes, I still want you to keep moving, but go at a different pace.” She said diet because no one likes to go on a diet. Change your diet, but not forcibly go on one, right? I like that my doctor knows me well enough to know the kind of person that I am—one that doesn’t want to rely on pills and medication and a person that is always on the go. Because I love to read medical journals and whitepapers for fun, I dove deep into the throes of learning all about EBV and CFS. I know what my indicators and triggers are. I know how to adjust and adapt. I do NOT yet know how to deal with slowing down. While I try to make myself be ok with it, when it is noticeable by others, inside, I’m upset and angry. I’ve run marathons. I’ve run half marathons. I’m a college athlete. I’m a mother. I’m a wife. I work in Corporate America. I’m also a photographer. I’m an event planner. I’m a writer. I’m an adventurer! I don’t have the time to have a diet for life. I don’t want a diet from life!

Here is where I issue a blanket apology to some: I’m sorry for the inner shade I threw at you when you caught me staring at you. Those of you who are absolutely healthy otherwise, but take it for granted and choose not to appreciate your unbroken body, yeah…those people, I was jealous of them. I was envious of their lack of guilt for not exercising, of all of the sleep they were having, of their poor dietary choices---and their lack of enjoyment for eating all of those things they let themselves eat, because dangit, I want to eat 3 honeybuns, too, but I can’t because I will totally feel it later. I’m sorry. I’m not a nice person when I’m hangry. I’m not a nice person when I’m hurting. Really, I just needed a hug. Then I would eat some chocolate and lay down.

Sometimes you meet people at the right moment when you are supposed to meet them.

Last month, I found myself in NYC eating brunch next to a friend of a friend. She and I were talking about various things and I noticed that she didn’t eat sugar, or grains, or even drank alcohol. She monitored her diet very carefully. So I asked her if she was gluten-intolerant or Celiac. She said no, that she suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. She told me how it consumed her body and as typical of CFS, it attacked the parts of her body that she used most—her brain and communication skills. You see, she is a writer and she recounted to me how difficult it was for her to focus to formulate a sentence, to have a clear brain to use her language skills. She knew of the words, but she was unable to articulate and recall her vocabulary. Also, she said she had little to no energy to even get out of bed. She also told me of her friend who was a dancer, who lost the ability to to use her legs. She wasn’t paralyzed, but her legs were too heavy, too stiff, too painful to move. So she went into further detail of her dietary changes, which was a supplement to a treatment she’d received back in her native country (not at all approved for by the FDA). We had to depart, but her words stuck with me.

Then, less than a week after that, I had a discussion with a friend of mine who went through a dietary detox to reset her health. She actually went through a specific program, but as we talked more and more about the details, I was going to simplify it and determined to give it a try. It gave her great results for her health goals (not weight loss), so I told myself that November 1 would be the day I would start. It would also give me the opportunity to mindfully eat and to consider those who do not have food immediately at their disposal. Leading up to the first, though, was a vacation in Sonoma with friends and family. I ate and drank without restriction and with passion. However, I also suffered as a result from it. I felt so incredibly bloated, slow, and fat. I was exhausted, I had headaches, and body aches. I look at images from that trip and while I am truly happy, I am not at all happy with my shape. On Halloween, I stepped on a scale and was horrified by the number that was looking back at me. But this isn’t about fitness or weight, so I won’t fixate on that. I will, however, say that CFS took a big toll on me in recent months, both physically and mentally.
What was my diet?

• Vegan
• No dairy---no cheese, no milk, no butter (aaaack)
• No animals of any kind. No animal broth. No fish.
• No rice
• No caffeine…including coffee
• No sugar—raisins were ok, but no honey, nothing with added sugar in it.
• No grains
• No alcohol
• Coconut oil for everything.

I had to prepare, yes, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. (I did however miss eggs!) HUGE shout out to my support group who encouraged me by suggesting recipes, trying out juice, or just giving me a thumbs up.

Breakfast:

I made my own cereal of equal parts flaxseed and chia seed. I mixed in 3/4 cup of coconut milk and heated it for one minute in the microwave. I topped it with banana.
Kale Yeah juice from Whole Foods: kale, pineapple, banana, orange juice

Lunch:

Salads topped with beets, black beans, garbanzo beans, and half an avocado

Snack:

the other half of my avocado and plain hummus or sometimes artichoke and olive hummus

Dinner:

Quinoa with some type of vegetable medley

Vegetable soup

The goal was to make it to at least 10 days. On day 8, I caved and ate eggs, but I was strict with everything else! I was happy to know that eggs didn’t bother me. On day 11, I tried a bit of dairy. It didn’t affect me too negatively, but I did notice a change. On that day I also tried a glass of champagne. I took all I had to finish the glass and I immediately noticed adverse reactions. My intestines felt like they were on fire. The next day, I felt sluggish and I had a headache. Immediately, I went for my Kale Yeah juice to see if it would help and it did. But something else happened. I came across this article about EBV. Yes, I saw it was on Goop and rolled my eyes, too, but I strongly suggest you read it, especially if you suffer from CFS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, or Fibromyalgia. Much of what I took from it was the simple truth that I’d experienced first-hand. I had to change my diet. Yes, I still need rest, but I also need plants---whole, organic, non-GMO, plants as my medicine. I’ve already lost 10+ pounds, but I’m not hungry. I want a piece of chocolate and I would like some coffee, but I’m not hungry for them. Other friends who I’ve known who have adopted a plant-based diet---more than 95% plant based and cutting out all of the other stuff---have also noticed a significant improvement/positive shift in their health.

As for me, I’m gonna keep trying. I want to make it to 80, but not just arrive, but I want to dance and run into 80.

Swan Song: When you listen to the “shouldn’t”

I’ve always had issues with my spine.

When I was about 4, I wanted to roller skate so badly at a birthday party of one of my sister’s friends. I’d been scooting along the side, holding onto the rail, and at times, holding my mother’s hand. I felt brave enough to try it out on my own, and insisted I was ready. She cautioned me that it would be different, and that I needed to be certain, because I might fall. I told her I was prepared to fall. Off I went. I was doing well, until I wasn’t. I fell on my ass, and broke it---Literally. I felt something crack and it HURRRRRT, but I refused to cry. Why? Because my mother had warned me I wasn’t ready and even then, I had too much pride to admit I was wrong. So I didn’t speak up with she asked if I was ok. I just said that it was a little sore. But it wasn’t just a little sore. I was sore for a long time.

Fast forward to high school and I started to have chronic lower back pain. I was in the throes of hours-long volleyball playing and running each day. We thought it was typical. We thought it was over-exertion. My trainer had me on a strict program of stretching, heat before, and ice after. He strongly encouraged me to consider holding back some. He suggested I shouldn’t attempt a career beyond high school for fear of my future self. I aimed to prove him otherwise. It was just a little bit of back pain. After all, I survived the ligament tears in my ankle and my thumb. They were sore, but I could tolerate it.

I went on to play in college and at a university. I ran even more, lifted harder, jumped, landed, flew, and had more bang-ups than before. I accumulated another 2 concussions, and felt weak because I couldn’t breathe. But I pressed on through the pain, doing my very best to breathe and keep up. I would pop a couple of pink power pills (powerful anti-inflammatory pain blockers) with a 32-oz Dr. Pepper and I was good to go for games.

By the time I graduated, my mother had undergone her first back surgery and had a Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis.

I continued to have the back pain, and when I had my first job post-graduation, I visited a chiropractor for the first time. She took x-rays and noticed that my spine was a full inch off of alignment from the lower part of my body. So we came up with a treatment plan that helped me get through the every day, and also got me through my first pregnancy and first marathon.

It wasn’t until after that marathon that I saw an allergist. I was tired of sneezing all of the time, even though that was basically my life for, well, all of my life. It was there that I had a full diagnosis of asthma. I remember the look on her face when she told me, because she wondered how I was able to cope all of those years being as physically active as I was. I chalked it off as to something that maybe got worse with age. Because really, I’m not a super human. It made sense that times were more difficult based on the seasons and my outdoor activity level.

Then there was last year. That fracture, the conversation with the doctors, my chiropractor, processing the diagnosis. The Neuro said I shouldn’t run as much as I do, because of the impact it has on the body. But when I ran the Santa 5K with my 5 year old daughter for her first-ever 5K, when I ran the Cowtown Half with my friend, when I ran the Fairview Half with my family cheering me on, when I’ve had my training runs (in spite of them getting longer and longer)…I’m happier. I’ve found a way to redirect my stress. This is a big deal and quite noticeable because my normal nervous tick of yanking on my hair, well I don’t do it. My bangs have grown out to the longest they’ve been since before I got married. I still had the migraines. I still battle depression feelings. But I kept running.  I pushed through the pain, willing my back to deal. I breathed purposefully, willing my lungs to cooperate.

After the Sprint triathlon (about a month ago), I felt some discomfort in my knee. My current chiropractor, whom I hadn’t seen since March (maybe?), isn’t a sports chiro. I reached out to my running friends for referrals and each of them couldn’t say enough positive things about theirs, so I went in for a visit. I have tendonitis in my knee and my neck bones are reverse of what they should be (this is the BIGGEST reason for my migraines—my bones have been pinching the nerves right there by my brain), but therapy will help to fix that. However, what else he had to say echoed what I’ve heard before—only, this time, I HEARD it and begrudgingly accepted it. In the photo below, you can see how I am not aligned and you can see the limited space between the vertebrae (moderate degeneration—only a matter of time for severe degeneration, which is bone-on-bone).

His words, not to tell me to stop running, but to reconsider the longer distances. He acknowledges what running means to those who run. He suggested I SHOULDN’T run. And this time I listened because I have two smaller ones to consider. One day I would like to run with them, even if it is just a few miles. I expect to have late night dance parties with them. I expect to be upright, cheering them on in anything they are a part of.

So…

NYC will be my last marathon—he said it was ok to finish this training. New York City, my home away from home, the city full of promise, the city who gave me confidence in my body, the city filled with such positive, electric energy…that beautiful city. 7 years ago, the tagline was “Whatever it takes…” and this year, it is “Get your New York On, ” my favorite sign so far is “Get Your Invincible On.” I GET to have my final (yes, I realize it was just my second, but this was the gateway to ultras, to trail running, to others) marathon in one of the greatest cities in the world. New York turns out for a race and it is one glorious celebration! I GET to have closure. I GET to smile and soak in each “Go Bianca!!” one last time. I GET to feel Invincible for 5 grueling and glorious hours. My lungs, my back, my ankles, my knee, my brain, will be pulled by my heart, which has steadily grown because of all of the marvelous well wishes I have received from all of you! I literally hold them close to me, and remember them whenever I feel like I may hit a wall. Physically, I feel stronger than I did the last time I did this.

I will still run, just not for as long of a distance. I will still have an active lifestyle, only, I will consider long-term health more than before. I don’t regret going hard all of those years before. Also, I’m grateful that I didn’t know about any of my ailments, because I continued on as if I didn’t know any better and still achieved---without limits or impositions, treated just like everyone else. That suits my personality just fine.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who has given me their words of encouragement and those who I’ve been able to lean on and cry. Y’all have lifted me up and inspired me. I’m truly grateful!

Healthy body, Healthy Mind...30 Days Challenge to Get Back to Basics

 

I've long wanted to affect positive changes in life. if you know me personally, I would hope you already know this. I give optimism, lend a listening ear, and encourage when I feel someone may need encouragement. By doing this,  I hoped that I could positively impact others to be the very best version of themselves—per their own definitions of what that mean.

When I started the Bianca Birthday 5K last year, I was overwhelmed by the response and even further humbled by the participation this year. It's only been a few short months since that time, but why wait a year for another push? I don’t know about you, but September is always hectic! Between the start of school, tailgate parties, and cooler Autumn weather, it is easy to become complacent with an exercise routine. Yes, I said routine. Some of you have specific routines at your Crossfit boxes, others hit the pavement with a running plan, and others may do heavy lifting every day, sculpting their muscles perfectly to expose the strong sinew under the skin. You know what else is a routine? Coming home from a long day, sitting on the couch and zoning out, while munching away on food that you picked up in the drive-thru line. This also may mean getting up late, missing your alarm, and the inevitable irritable rush to ready the day, desperately counting the moments to your coffee drink to do it all over again. I know, this well. This is easy to get into and SO, SO, SO tough to break!

Change begins when you are willing to break your routine. Here's some truth: Recently, I talked with my doctor about a prescription weight loss pill* recently I was obsessed with not losing weight in spite of marathon training. Upon telling her this, and hearing myself say it, I stopped speaking, internally acknowledged my fear, and changed course. I needed something to help me breathe easier so I could train harder. I needed something to combat my low energy levels. Blood work and an x-ray gave clues to what I needed. I now take Vitamin D pill for my energy and focus on eating dark leafy vegetables to increase my iron levels. I also take Symbicort and Albuterol for my lungs. Instead of tempting boredom with only running, I opted for a bonafide cross-training option. Camp Gladiator had a $6 unlimited boot camps special for September. Add that to my marathon training plan, and I have a built-in workout schedule for the next month. At least 1 hour a day is focused dedication for my body. (Endorphins will make the brain happy.)  I am determined to get back to basics, commit to 30 days of healthy living (clean eating and exercise) to get me back on track with my goals. Yes, MY goals to be the best version of myself as defined by me. Yours will be different and that's ok, wonderful and all together necessary for YOUR success!

But here's where I need your help. Join the Facebook Group I’ve created for September. You can opt in to pay the $25 to be sure you are committed. if you pay, you will receive an Exercise Shirt after the end of the month and your name will be entered to win the grand prize. What is the grand prize? If you win, you get to take the remainder of the money after the t-shirts to donate to YOUR favorite charity! If you aren’t financially able to participate, that’s ok, I still want you to join! Join the group, participate in the check-ins, be publicly accountable, and work hard to reach your goals!

Set realistic goals. If you can't even run for two minutes, I don't expect you to set your goal to run a half marathon in a month. But you WILL be able to at least walk one a year later, but that starts today. if you are able to do 200 pushups and crank out 6+ miles, then reach higher. Maybe aim for a faster 10K or do more than what your comfort level is. We all have goals and I want to cheer you on. I want you to cheer me on. Let’s do it together so we can train for life! #tfl

You have two days until we start. Think about your goals, and come join us!

 

__________________

*It should be noted that I’m not hating on anyone who uses diet pills. I haven’t exhausted every option before going down that path, meaning, I don’t feel like I gave a solid strength and conditioning plan, nor did I exercise portion control or counted calories. Prescription medication can be quite effective, especially when closely monitored by a doctor. Do whatever you have to do, but know that there is no magic pill that replaces a good diet and proper exercise.

Navigating Migraines

It’s been a year since I first received the my cluster-eff diagnosis. I know this because I received the call to schedule my now-annual MRI. To say I am confident and will go in without a slight bit of trepidation and fear would be a lie. Each headache is a reminder of what I have and the potential outcome as a result. It doesn’t help that I’d had a recent migraine that lasted 10 days. T-E-N days?!? Perfect storm of barometric pressure change and hormonal shift. I’ve become quite adept at living with my head pains, even having what I call working-migraines.

“Can you describe what you feel, Bianca? What is it like? I think I might have had migraines, but I don’t know.” Sure! Here’s what mine feel like:

Have you ever had that sore head pain after you’ve been sick for a while? Or that head pain you get when you are sick and you’ve been sleeping a whole lot? Or maybe you have residual pain from a head injury?

Have you ever accidentally had a jolt of electricity sent to your body during a physical therapy session? That stabbing and burning heat filling your body and you feel paralyzed.

Have you ever seen fireworks up real close? All of the bright colors bursting around, like they are within arms reach. That feeling of emerging from a dark movie theater in the middle of the day?

Have you ever turned on your car radio and someone turned the volume at the loudest? That scare you get from the noise and the pain in your ears?

Have you ever eaten something rancid? That churning in your tummy and it takes everything you have to not get sick.

All of those things all of the time. But I failed to mention the guilt. All of the guilt I carry with me for having a short temper with my daughters and my Beloved. For trying to smile, unconvincingly to my friends, when I force appearances just to share time with them. For the sudden eruptions of tears at inopportune moments just because of the pain is so excruciating.

I don’t take Imitrex unless I just can’t take it any longer and I have nothing else planned for 72 hours. When I take it, I become numb, a zombie, my vertigo kicks in higher, and I lose time. Literally, I sleep. If I’m awake, I don’t remember. To get through life—achieve a working migraine, I take an Advil Migraine in the morning. It still makes me loopy, but not as much. I drink lots of extra water. This makes me pee more, but the hydration helps.  I load up on caffeine. My brain is having the rave of all raves. Caffeine helps to keep it at bay. I force runs. The endorphins and deep breathing help me to regulate blood flow. They aren’t spectacular fast runs. But if I can make it out to do the run, then I will feel a little better. I focus on my favorite things. They make me smile. I surround myself with understanding loved ones. My girls bring me ice packs for my head. They try to soft massage me. I can hear their discussions from the other room shushing one another because “Mommy has a head-ick.”

If you are someone who likes to have a plan, whether it be for the day, week, month, year…well, migraines are not for you. They make you a more spontaneous person. Not only in the negative ways--because you have to stop all of the things you may have planned, but in the positive ways—when you feel your best, you stop all of the things you may have planned and you take an afternoon to go lay on a blanket with your daughters to watch the clouds on a sunny day, go for ice cream, and let them shriek and laugh and giggle and talk as loudly as they want to because your brain is cooperating.

This wasn’t a light-hearted post and it has interrupted the giveaway posts. ha! But I wanted to have it written down so I would remember for this time around next year.

Health Update: Cluster Eff & a Fracture

hello lovelies!

 

I wanted to take a moment to say thanks to all of you who have been praying for me, messaging me, calling me, and reaching out to let me know I was in your thoughts. That was really nice of you all!

I met with my Neuro today. I love his office. The waiting room was quite comfortable and the large screen TV and assortment of magazines was awesome! The time passed quickly. After reviewing my MRIs, he said that I should be ok. Lucky for me, my specific condition has more to do with my vein and not arteries, so that’s a positive. Your arteries are full of pressure pumping the blood and pose a greater risk. Your veins act as a “drain” for the blood and aren’t under so much pressure. The risk of bursting isn’t as bad. Because I’ve not had seizures, I’m ok! I just have to go in for a routine scan next year to make sure it is still the same and nothing has changed. Muppet YAAAAAY!!! (you know where they celebrate by leaning back, mouth open, screaming with excitement!!!) oh and fast fact, this type of thing is quite common in the Mexican/Mexican American population. Interesting, stuff.

 

and then….

My doctor is a Neurospine surgeon. When I was detailing my medical history, I mentioned my chronic lower back pain. Something I’ve dealt with my whole life. Even to the point that in high school, there was a doctor who told me that I should consider an “early retirement” because of the hyperextension of my back from volleyball and the other sports I was involved with. Obviously, I ignored the warning because well, I’m stubborn like that and I was determined to have sports in my life as a means to get a college education. My doctor asked if I was open to x-rays and I agreed. Lucky for me, they could do them right there and then and I just had to wait a bit for them to process. After further investigation, he came in and we discussed my Cluster Eff, and then we discussed my back. it seems as if I have a fracture in my L5 vertebrae and there has be some degeneration in that space, which is causing the pressure and the reason for my back pain over the years. He explained that this was probably an injury I had in my early childhood (age 4 to be exact…at the roller rink when I fell. I remember the moment clearly.). The added strain over the years with sports aggravated it. He ordered an MRI and I went downstairs to get it done. Convenient!

I won’t need surgery yet. Yeah, yet. Maybe in my 40s, but it all depends on how proactive I will be with my health. He hopes to alleviate the pain with physical therapy by increasing my core. Also, he suggested I continue to lose weight because staying fit and trim is better on my back. Finally, I may need cortisone shots to deal with the pain. So there you go. I now know why I’ve had back pain for 30+ years. insanity. 

***

Oh, and now I have a referral to an ENT to determine the root cause for my vertigo. I am so incredibly grateful for my health insurance because I’m getting quite to tune-up! Again, more reasons for me to stay on my health kick and keep moving forward! And apparently, I’ve also discovered I have quite a high threshold for pain. Looking at the positives. Folks, take care of your health!

Cavernous Malformation & Developmental Venous Anomaly (DVA)

Hello friends! This post is going to be personal and have a science message to it, as well. Much of it will just be for me to chronicle and process my emotions.

Most of my life, I’ve had headaches. Lots of them. The older I got, the worse they were. More than 10 years ago, I went through an elimination diet over the course of 6 weeks to see which of the “trigger” foods could potentially be migraine triggers for me. Through this process, I discovered raspberries, raw onions, and bell peppers (cooked or raw) were triggers.

Last week, I was dealing with some vertigo and a nasty migraine that had me laid out. So much so that I went to my doctor. After discussing my history and making a hypothesis, she ordered an MRI just to rule out something more dramatic as the cause. Her hypothesis, she thought that I had developed stones in my cochlea and these were causing ripples in my cochlea and disrupting my hair cells (yes, it’s what they are called), which caused the dizziness and imbalance, or vertigo. I had a prescription for the vertigo (which put me to sleep, basically) and a prescription for migraine (which I need to take when I see the signs of a migraine forming, which isn’t always the case for me, and so medication doesn’t usually work for me in that regard).

I went in for my MRI and this was a big victory for me. I sometimes get claustrophobic. I also freak out if someone is going to stick me with a needle and I can’t watch. With a brain MRI, you are on your back, your head strapped into a plastic cage with a mirror for your eyes. Then, you are moved into the large tube where you hear the powerful magnets whirring. Towards the end, then pulled me out, and had to stick me with an IV for contrast to see other parts of my brain. I did my best to not hyperventilate during this time b/c I couldn’t move my head to see the nurse poking me with a needle. All in all, I was probably in the machine for about 40 minutes total. Imagine being stuck in one of those plastic tubes kids play in and you can’t move. Afterwards, I looked back at the machine and smile. I’d had the courage to face another fear.

Days later, I’d received a call with my results. This was my reaction…(ugly cry)

Things didn’t come back normal. I have to pause and be grateful that I don’t have brain cancer. It was a far-fetched possibility, but nevertheless, a possibility. Still, You don’t ever want to be told that there’s something wrong with you…reminded that our time here is limited.

“Cavernous Malformation & Developmental Venous Anomaly (DVA)”

That’s a whole lot of fancy words. Basically, I have a cluster of blood vessels* in my brain and a small compartment filled with “stuff”. I lovingly started calling it my cluster-eff. I am prone to headache, nausea, visual disturbances, sleepiness/somnolence, and other neurological deficits (imbalance being one of them). I have a reason, now, for why I have felt the way I’ve felt for so many years. That makes me very happy. But in addition to those things, I am also at risk for hemorrhage, seizures, aneurysm, and stroke. Do you know how many concussions and other head injuries I’ve had in my life?  I am well aware of how lucky I am to have not experienced any of these major issues as a result.

I will soon have an appointment with a neurologist. Right now, I know my options are surgery or no surgery. I’m hoping there are other options. I’m optimistic that things aren’t as worrisome as I initially thought, but I won’t know for sure until my appointment.

I do see it as a reminder for me to stay my course. To live my life fully and completely, absent of things (and people) that cause distress. To embrace the gifts I’ve been given. Literally, embrace them…my best friends near and far immediately by my side supporting me. In a discussion with my Beloved, he told me quite frankly, “Bianca, we are all given the same amount of time here on Earth.” Questioning, I gave him a look, and asked, “How is that so? We are each given different years, some more than others.” To which he replied, “Bianca, we are all given a lifetime, that is the measure. I fully intend to make the most of the rest of my lifetime with you.” I choked back tears, nodded my head, and then we proceeded to discuss our budget and monthly plans, because that’s how we roll. Life still goes on and we just can’t stop.

I hope if you are having real health issues, please go get them looked at. Don’t hesitate! And it is ok to talk about your worries and fears. You aren’t alone in your struggle. If you feel you are alone, drop me a line. I’ll listen to you. I’ll support you and will virtually hold your hand. *hug* It’s gonna be ok!

*(I hope it is in the starburst shape!!…gotta look at positive in this)

Keep Going…

Remember when I signed up for the half marathon? Well, I decided to get the training in gear for it. Last week, I found a training plan and put the number of miles I needed to run as an all day event in my calendar. So there, at the top of running days, the first thing I see is that number. All day long, I’m kept accountable until I log those miles. As par for the course, the first two miles for me are the roughest. It takes that long for me to get going and find my rhythm.

I’m steadily hitting that 5 mile stride again and in the next two weeks, I should be churning out 6 miles like a champ. This weekend, I do my longest training run at 10 miles. I need to allow myself to be guilt free for the time it takes me to run those miles. I’m so very lucky that my Beloved supports me and more often than not, greets my return with a large glass of water and a glass of wine as a chaser. Heck, that’s some serious motivation right there!

Yes, any run over 5 miles, I MUST ice my knees. I know since the last time I’ve done larger runs, I have leaned out some, but I also regularly wear 3+ inch heels 5 days out of 7. That and I am almost 5 years older. (eek) I also don’t do nearly the other activities I used to, like play volleyball or regularly attend classes at the gym. In spite of that, I am not only running, but I throw in a Jillian Michaels workout DVD to cross train. And on those occasions where the timing is right, I’ll get in a nice lifting workout with my hubby. He really pushes me to another threshold and well, let’s just say if my arms could talk today, they’d have a serious potty mouth case. Also, I swear by the hot tub. I hit it up at least once a week, twice is better. Warm showers are great. My inhaler is my BFF.

All that to say, keep going. I tell myself this constantly when I feel the hurt and the pain. I just have to push through and know that it’s worth it. It’ll be worth it. I’ll be able to run alongside my girls, dance with them, and be silly with them. I can encourage them to set their own physical goals to achieve better. Despite all of the genetic predispositions that I am faced with, I can still have a high quality of life and achieve things I probably shouldn’t achieve. I’m blessed to have a strong supportive network and I’m surrounded by many folks who inspire.
keep going.

Rockin’ Tequila

My body is waging war against me for some reason and its favorite attack is excessive amounts of mucus and raging headaches. I’m not complaining too much, just a tiny bit. (Because, really, who likes a complainer? No one!) Usually, when I get to this point, I end up going to my old trusted standbys: shot of tequila, quick runs, and wet sauna stretch sessions.

My grandfather swore by the medicinal properties of tequila. When I’m feeling especially cold-sy, I pull out a shot (chill it with a squirt of fresh lime juice in it) and the burn feels good. It isn’t an instant relief, but it does make me feel better. Plus, I may or may not have had more than one a couple of times and then I just didn’t care about being sick any longer…maybe.

Running…well, running really activates my lungs. I have asthma. Apparently I’ve had it my whole life and just didn’t know it. I now have an inhaler, but I only use it when necessary. I don’t like the jitters it gives me. I do like that I’m better able to breathe, though. Anyway, I run to open my lungs. And when I run, I work them into such a tizzy that the depths of my lungs convulse and force me to cough up all of that nastiness that I am unable to achieve with regular coughing. It sounds entirely too painful and stupid, I know, but it works for me.

The sauna is a super happy place for me. In my gym, they infuse eucalyptus in the steam. It is really hot, steamy, and the essential oils work their magic. I grab a couple of towels and sit in there and do stretching. Not yoga (although, I’ve seen some gals do that, too), but basic stretching and concentrated, deep and long breaths. It is glorious.

Last night, I had a couple of tequilas. I also remembered that it was the last night to register for less than $100 for the Rock N Roll Half Marathon, which I did.  In recent weeks, my husband and I have been hitting our budget hard. Like really combing through each item so we can get closer to financial freedom. It has taken quite a bit of courage to face the truths. I had committed to this half marathon before we had these budget discussions. I said a prayer for it and you know what’s awesome! I received payment from a service that allowed me to register!

Before I’d chosen my word for the year, I’d mentally accepted that I was going to run this race. My cousin who normally  walks the 3Day committed to it. This is her first half marathon. I want to be there with her! This race was one of the driving forces for me to choose COURAGE.

“Hello Bianca…duh, you’ve totally already run a marathon and a half marathon. Why do you need courage?”

1. I’ve trained for those, I know what to expect.
2. It means I sleep less.
3. It means I wake up with an achier body.
4. It means a lot of time alone spent in my head thinking.
5. It means lungs hurt.
6. It means getting chafed in awkward places as I learn what clothes perform best for me.
7. It means peeing in bushes (and on myself).
8. It also means pooping or vomiting in nature. (Runners are gross!)
9. It means many guilt trips I give myself for not going as fast as I’d like.
10. It means less time doing other things. (like sleep…ha ha ha)
11. It means that I need courage to face all of these known factors because I know it’ll be worth it.

I just needed a bit of liquid courage to put all of that in motion. Let’s go!

Health Check Reminder

I process quite a bit by writing. In the past several months when I have had the time, I’ve been doing less writing in this forum, and more writing in actual journals. I wrote quite a bit about what I’m going to talk to you about now on small notecards. Little words of encouragement to myself, just as a reminder to keep myself focused and positive.

I know I have it within myself to teeter along the edge of depression. Quickly things can spiral out of control in my brain and fear upon fear upon worry upon sadness down that long tunnel into darkness. It’s at that point where I can see the world around me going on about its business and I feel like a mannequin in a poorly lit window, watching it all. It sucks. For that reason, I lean on my coping mechanisms. I run. I workout. I cling tightly to my family. I inhale loads and loads of motivational and inspirational quotes. I also cut out negativity. I have to. I purposefully stop watching the news. All that to say, the past couple of weeks, I was walking an emotional tightrope.

Let’s back up. After everything I witnessed with my mother last year, I decided to make a dramatic change in our lifestyle and cut out animals from my diet at the beginning of the year. (I don’t say vegetarian because well, there are so many definitions to that. My thing was, if it has a face, then I didn’t eat it. This included fish.) It was supposed to be a six week experiment that has evolved into a mostly permanent thing. I allow myself to eat something with a face one or two meals a week. To say it was life changing is an understatement. For me, this is what happened:

• I lost 25 pounds.
• I’ve shaved off nearly two minutes from my mile pace (multiple miles).
• I have a waist. <---That one, well, I’m square shaped, normally. I’ve never, in my life, had the abdomen lines on my belly. Not even in college when I was an athlete and my body fat percentage was really low.
• My allergies mostly disappeared. I’m the sneeziest person I know. And yet, here I can breathe again. I still have off days, but I don’t suffer as much as I used to.
• My face is brighter, well, the complexion. I thought some of that had to do with the Costa Rican and Californian sun, but no, it is the diet.

Great, right? Well, I must also admit, I took on that challenge because I wanted to increase the time I had to share with Don. He’s always active, making great food choices, and pushing me to be better. Sometimes, it’s exhausting. Many times it is exhausting. There are times where I just want to lazy around and watch movie marathons, eating tortilla chips dipped in chocolate frosting (or Velveeta) while drinking a Coke. Who, in their right mind, wants to get up before the sun to log 3-6 miles, eat only plants, and drink heavy amounts of water? <raising hand>  Yeah, that’d be me. I can bend time and do more in the day because of those choices. I get to enjoy more of him and more of my girls. I have “cleaner fuel” which lends itself to more physical activity. I run more. I run with the girls more. I run after the girls more. And the running gives me endorphins, which combats that evil depression and kicks it in the pants! It also tightens and tones my legs and works my heart. During my runs, I meditate and pray. I try to send out love and light to the world. I also breathe slowly. Gain perspective and chew on things that I need to sort out. I find myself laughing and smiling more. I still cry, but 7 times out of 10, they are tears of joy. There is no shame in showing emotion.

For a few years now, my Beloved has been having pain in his abdomen area. In June, Don finally acted on that pain in his abdomen and had his gallbladder removed. In it, they found polyps, which we later discovered to be benign. (whew) We also discovered that his gallbladder had only been operating at less than 10% efficiency. Hooray, right? Well, mostly, until August when the pain in his abdomen persisted. It kept hammering at him and hammering at him. That month, several people around me (around our age) were new diagnosed and battling cancer. You can imagine my fears. They were creeping in, gaining a stronghold. I insisted he go in to get it checked. Before we made that appointment, he decided to give the non-animals diet a whirl. His challenge for himself was for two weeks. He lost 10 pounds in those two weeks. His blood pressure became more normalized. However, the pain, it lingered. In he went to a GI specialist.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been running around with angst, worry, sadness…knocking on that door of depression. My world with him was in jeopardy. Why? Because when we sat down with the doctor, she told us that he would be undergoing a series of tests. Bloodwork, CT scans, ultrasounds, endoscopy, colonoscopy, and even biopsies..they wanted to rule out everything. At the worst, he could have some type of cancer. At the best, he has a food allergy. Talk about a broad spectrum! Shortly after we heard of the news, we had a road trip to Lubbock. We had 12 dedicated hours in the car to discuss, plan, and prepare. I spent three of those hours quietly sobbing to myself as my beloved lay next to me sleeping, our two blessings in the back slumbering. I prayed and prayed, crested over the canyons in the black of night and was greeted by the most amazing lightning storm I’d ever witnessed. For the next two hours, I focused on each bright burst, attempting to gain as much confidence and reassurance as possible for our own personal storm.
We faced each day, holding hands and embracing. His attitude changed from worry to relaxed. He tried to calm my fears by telling me it was ok. When things got to be too much, I ran. (or jumped or danced or cried) My closest loves held me tightly. Their infectious positivity lighting my mood. Their words of inspiration jumping out from the paper, the screen, my phone, all of them lifting me up. Despite all of that, the day before the “big tests” I curled up into the shower and ugly-cried for the better part of an hour. The biggest thing I lamented about that was all of the water that I had wasted. During that time, I considered the people we met along the way during our journey this summer. I reflected back on genuine and loving conversation from a beautiful man who has been victorious against throat cancer (and he has now become a mentor of sorts and a coveted friend). I remembered the sounds of the ocean lapping up the shores of Costa Rica, where the tiny bit of paradise is littered with trash, but in spite of the garbage, it is lush, thriving, and still very beautiful. I thought of my friends who have had other battles and remained steadfast in grace and positivity. I emerged from that shower, braver and ready for what may come. (We won't even discuss the crazy dreams.)

No matter what.

That’s our motto, mine and my beloved’s. I held his hand, he held mine, each of us taking a deep breath. He the calm and steady one with the sexiest antrum I've ever seen. (ok, it is the only one I've ever seen, but still) Me, the nervous wreck, trying to be as cool and cheerful. Why do I do that? Must be my way of coping.

--------------------

Results came back and all is normal! (wiping tears) They had found and removed a polyp, which was non-cancerous. All of the other tissue samples they had taken to perform biopsies came back normal. What they did discover is erosion in his stomach and small intestine. Basically, it’s as if someone took sandpaper to them. The acids in your stomach are so strong that with this weaker lining, you are inviting ulcers, which could eventually lead to worse things like cancer. Because the stomach is near all of the other major organs, this poses an even bigger threat. Now, he has to take a pill to coat his stomach to prevent further erosion and ulcers. Eating better is now essential. Additionally, he will undergo tests for food allergies. To start, they encouraged him to eliminate gluten from his diet.  Changes, indeed, but nothing we’ve not encountered before. 

All that to say, please, please, please go get yourselves checked out if you suspect something. The tiniest bits of changes in your body could be indicators for things far worse. Not knowing is scary, but knowing and having a plan is better, right? That’s where we are. Attempting to live our lives, buying more time, and embracing challenges ahead as happily and as positively as we can…together.

Lice…yep, we earned our badge

While we were on the 12+ hour road trip to Lawrenceburg, TN, I noticed Mari was scratching her head more than what would be considered normal. (Wait, what? You drove 12+ hours in a car with your kids? Yeah and in a Honda Civic, no less. More on that another time.)

When we arrived at my in-laws, I took a deep breath and did a check. Yep, I found 1 little bastard and my heart sank. My sister-in-law spotted some nits and really showed me what to look for. (Thank you Amy!!!) She wasn’t grossed out by it and didn’t get the heebie geebies either. She may not have realized how much that helped my sanity. Seriously, thank you!

To note:

1. The first question people will ask you is “Where did she get it?” To which, I wanted to say, I don’t really think that’s the issue at hand. She has ‘em, the better question is how do we get rid of them?
2. Yes, how do you get rid of them? Well, you have to ask yourself do you want to go a more natural route or do you want the chemicals?
3. You will feel instantly itchy all over your body, especially your head. It’s normal and you might not have lice yourself, especially if you have a shaved head.
4. Be prepared to drop some money and spend several hours attacking them.

Don and I loaded up into our car, headed in to town and stocked up on supplies. For us, we wanted a multi-prong attack. We wanted the heavy stuff, the natural stuff, prevention for everyone else. The pharmacy tech was so very nice and helpful. She gave us a look that was the equivalent of a hug and told us good luck. We appreciated the sentiment.

left to right:

• Licefreee with tea tree oil which is a shampoo+conditioner to wash everyone’s hair after the treatment.
• Lice Treatment which is the actual chemical stuff, but said it was safe to use on babies 2 months plus (we didn’t treat the Sugarbaby. She was and has been lice free.)
• Stop Lice shampoo for the other family members who might have been infected.
• Stop Lice In-home spray to spray down the couches, carpets, car seats, etc
• Combs

Not pictured: Jar of mayonnaise, bottle of olive oil, lice shield leave in spray

This is a accurate representation of our daughters’ hair:

The Sugarbaby has very little light and thin hair. What she has is curly. The Sugarbean has long and curly hair. It can get unruly and wild like our child. She LOOOVES her hair and prefers it long. Cutting her hair was not an option. Oh and she’s 4.

This is what we did (took us about 5-6 hours):

First thing, we took a deep breath. Then, we sat her down and explained what we were going to have to do and how long it would take. That she would have to sit still like a statue for long periods of time, but we would give her breaks. That one louse I’d found, after I killed it, I showed it to her. She’s a very visual person, like me, and I knew it would help her to put it all together. After we talked with her, we asked her if she understood. In her words, “Yes, Mommy. You have to kill the bugs in head because they are biting me and making me itchy and I don’t want to be itchy because I don’t like the bugs and I need you to kill them. No bug party in my head! I am ready, but don’t cut my hair. I’ll be brave, I promise.” Admittedly, I got a bit choked up.

We took the Knot Genie and ran it through her hair to get all of the tangles out. After brushing, we tossed it into a bowl of water that had just been boiled and set on the counter for cooling. The water was hot enough to sterilize the brush, but not enough to melt the plastic.

Then, we went to wash her hair in the tub. We lathered and scrubbed and lathered and scrubbed. She wore her bathing suit during this process, only because she wanted to. we figured it was easiest considering the multiple rinses we would have to do. After the allotted time, we rinsed and noticed some of the carcasses rinsing out.

We went to a well lit area and proceeded to comb through her hair to pick out the nits. I was on one side and Don* on the other. Both of us working as best as we could. During this time, we gave her the iTouch and put on her favorite movie. She would naturally have to look down to watch the movie (Tinkerbell!). That part took us nearly an entire movie. We took a break and let her shake out her neck. *Yes, we are a good team. He was there with me helping me pick through all of that hair. Thanks babe!

Then I drizzled a cup of warm olive oil on her scalp, giving her a scalp massage. She didn’t like this one. We rinsed her off and combed through. The olive oil made her hair really lubricated and somewhat difficult to see anything. At this point, I decided to go ahead and do the mayo.

So I took about 2 cups worth and filled my hands. I worked it into her scalp. It was cold and squishy, but she didn’t mind this at all. Then, I took a plastic sack and wrapped it around her head and kept it tied up like a bonnet. She looked like a small Amish girl, like we'd seen earlier in our visit! We let it process for 2 hours. Essentially, the olive oil is supposed to help release the nits from the hair fibers. The mayo would work the same way too. The plastic sack would help suffocate them. The heat from her head would also work in her favor.

When I took the bag off her head, I noticed a small group of dead bugs at the nape of her neck. Like they were trying to escape or something. ewwwww...I’m not gonna lie. It grossed me out. But I took comfort in knowing that it was working! We rinsed it all out again. I used the 2nd bottle of treatment on her head, waited the time, then rinsed again.

Then, I began to comb through her hair again to pick out any nits that we might have missed. Then, I braided her hair tightly and put a reminder in my calendar to do the treatment again in 10 days.
We then put all of the tools in that hot water and sealed them in plastic bags. When we got home, all of the stuff animals and pillows were put into plastic bags in the garage. This is where having lice in the summer works in our favor. We’ve been having 100+ weather and in a car and a garage, that heat will kill any lingering eggs. VERY GRATEFUL for that.

10 days, I got the alarm and checked her head and yes, found 1 single louse and 3 nits. Off to the mayonnaise and tea tree oil. Again with washing the linens. We didn’t take any stuffed animals out of their bags. They’d still been in the garage. This time, I wrapped her hair in saran wrap and opted to put some mayo in my hair because, well, it needed a conditioning treatment and I didn’t want her to be alone. There we sat having a beauty day. Painting nails and hanging out. I rinsed off our hair, dried it, then combed it out.


I also took a flat-iron to her hair. The first time, ever for her. I figured the heat from the flat iron would also help kill any lingering eggs. I mean it couldn’t hurt, right? She felt fancy with her straight hair! It took me about an hour. Whoa, this whole thing is a lesson in patience!


Since that last treatment, I’ve sprayed her hair morning and night with tea tree oil. Brushed every night, treated the brush and comb, and braided the hair tightly. So far, so good.

Keep the toys bagged for at least 10 days.

Eggs can’t survive for longer than 10 days.

Kill the source.

It only takes one female to lay an ungodly amount of eggs. Familiarize yourself with the lifecycle of them and know where in the cycle the louse is and the eggs, too (like when they will hatch).

Treat all things you can’t wash.

This includes car seats, favorite dolls, combs, brushes, etc..

Have patience.

It’s bound to happen. It’s ok to be grossed out. Be sure to notify anyone that your child may have come into contact, so they are aware.

Talk to your friends and use the Internet, too. I couldn’t believe all of the support we received. It was really great! And if you found this because you are going through it, then good luck!! Hugs!

Book Review: SASS Yourself Slim!

Hey friends! Guess what! Today is my 7th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe seven years have flown by in a hurry, but here we are and it’s been an adventure. Some might think it necessary that I wax poetic on this day, but actually, I’m going to talk about a book that I was given to review as part of the One2One Network.
S.A.S.S. yourself slim: Conquer Cravings, Drop Pounds and Lose Inches by Cyntia Sass MPH, RD

For you loyal readers, you are probably familiar with the other review I did of her other book. At the time, it was the only diet book that I had read. Actually, until I received this new book, it remained the only diet book that I read. While I couldn’t adhere to everything in that book (because I was pregnant), I did take to heart her teachings, primarily remaining true to Slimming and Satiating Seasonings. With this new book, S.A.S.S. stands for Simple and Satisfying Solutions.

• Emphasizes produce whole grains, lean protein, and healthy fats, emphasizing portions and balance instead of calories.
• Lists of quick and easy meals, and a meal-building puzzle to create your own sass.
• It is vegetarian/vegan friendly, even incorporating coconut oil and dark chocolate as an indulgence.
• Features fresh, whole natural, unprocessed and organic foods

That’s something I can get behind. I’ve reduced my beef/chicken/pork/goat/seafood intake to less than 5% of my diet. I just kept going, essentially, after I experienced several weeks of vegetarianism. You know what, guys?! I felt healthier, happier, and more balanced after that experiment. This is why I know the teachings of this book would work for me! Even better, there are real-life people in this book giving their testimonies with pictures. And not this instant 3 week weight loss, but over time weight loss of hardworking people keeping their noses to the grindstone putting in that work. It’s awesome!

I don’t normally concentrate on losing pounds, but let me tell you all a little secret. Ok, here goes (aaack, no more secret!)…since the beginning of the year, I’ve lost 15 pounds!!! No lie. Not only have I lost it, but I’ve managed to go maintain that weight loss for the past two months! Why is this a big deal to me, other than the obvious? Well, for starters, I have a faster per/mile completion. This also means I have less weight to carry around, which translates to less weight I have to use when I’m doing exercises where I use my own weight. This means that I’m closer to my goal of doing an unassisted pull-up! This means that I will be able to “pop” up on a surf board when I go surfing this summer. This means that I let my husband pick me up and I’m not self-conscious from feeling “too heavy.” I’ve also been lifting weights and my legs and arms are beginning to sculpt to what I’m more familiar with. My physical strength is catching up with my emotional strength. Being strong is the ultimate end goal. And health is what I’m celebrating with my husband tonight! My body has birthed two amazing daughters and has achieved a great many things. Because of the healthier lifestyle, I look forward to dancing for many, many years to come with him as my partner.

I plan on doing her 5-Day, 5-Food Fast Forward and will update you on my progress. If it works like she says, then boy howdy…I just can’t imagine being that small. I haven’t been that weight since my 2nd year of college, which was my smallest ever (at this height).

This New York Times Bestselling book was released March 20th and is available on Amazon. Go check it out!!

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Cynthia Sass, the creator and co-author of the New York Times Bestselling Flat Belly Diet presents her new break-through, 30-day weight loss program Cinch!targeted to end overeating, leaving dieters feeling full and satisfied while enjoying the best food combinations to burn fat and boost metabolism.
 




S.A.S.S. Yourself Slim is a 30-day plan in two parts. Part one is a 5-Day Fast Forward option that jump starts your results. It calls for four simple meals a day, made from just five foods: spinach, almonds, raspberries, eggs, and yogurt (or vegan-friendly alternatives). Cynthia selected these foods because each is filling, rich in detoxifying and health-protecting nutrients, and has been scientifically shown to specifically support weight loss. Using these five superior foods in various combinations daily for five days gives your body, mind, and taste buds a fresh start and will help you shed up to eight pounds quickly.
Part two is a 25-day plan (30 days if you forego the Fast Forward option) which also calls for four meals a day, but now draws from a broad but specific array of food choices. And with this part of the plan, you can easily drop a size in just one month. The Core is based on cutting edge research and three key rules that work in synergy to provide real and lasting results:

• Rule #1: Eat Like Clockwork. Meal timing is important — you must eat breakfast within an hour of waking up and space the remaining meals evenly throughout the day, no sooner than three and no more than five hours apart, in order to regulate blood sugar and insulin levels and hunger hormones; reset and rev up metabolism; and keep feeling energized.

• Rule #2: Think 5 Pieces 4 Times a Day. Each meal in theS.A.S.S. Yourself Slim plan is constructed as a unique “puzzle” made from five pieces: produce, a whole grain, lean protein, plant-based fat, and specific seasonings — or, as Cynthia refers to them, SASS (more about that below). Following the plan is as easy as knowing what the five pieces of the puzzle are and how much of each one to include at every meal. This becomes second nature within thefirst week. This simple approach allows you to consistently S.A.S.S. yourself whether you’re at home, at a restaurant, or on vacation. It’s as easy as choosing from Cynthia’s 100 delicious recipes or using the DIY chapter to build your own ‘5 piece puzzle’ meals.

• Rule #3: Make Flavor Your Focus. S.A.S.S. — the fifth piece of the puzzle (above) — stands for Slimming and Satiating Seasonings: vinegar, citrus juice or zest, hot peppers, tea, and herbs and spices. These five additions not only add flavor to the meals without excess calories or sodium, they are scientifically proven to maximize your body’s fat-burning furnace and are rich in antioxidants, which have been linked to lower body-fat levels, even without dieting.

The book also includes chapters on emotional eating, falling in love with walking, and an entire chapter devoted to the health and weight loss benefits of the daily dark chocolate escape. On this plan you can shed pounds while enjoying satisfying recipes, such as Berry Almond French Toast, a Smoked Gouda and Grilled Onion Salad, Ginger Pear Smoothie, and Shrimp Creole. Vegetarians, vegans, and those following a gluten free diet can also follow this plan to achieve sustainable weight loss success.
S.A.S.S. Yourself Slim teaches you how to get your body back, and refocus your attention and energy where they should be — on living and enjoying your life.

**As a member of the One2One Network, I was asked to review this book. As such, I am eligible to receive one of five $50 gift cards for my participation, but in no was was that an influence in my review. The opinions in the review are my own.**

Cuppow & the Green Machine

Remember when I posted yesterday about the healthy eating and all that? Well, this isn’t going to turn into a foodie blog (even though 65% of my posts are food related). I did want to share a little something with you.

That was my breakfast! At first glance, it looks like green salsa, right? Well, no, it is actually about 6 GINORMOUS (the smallest was at least 8 inches) leaves of chard, 2 apples, 1 pear, 1 cup of OJ. It is 24 ounces of supreme go-juice. It’s hearty and still requires me to chew. I think this mostly has to do with the skins from the apple and pear. It is quite fibrous and tastes like I’m eating an apple. I have found that I can’t look at it because I do get a bit freaked out at all that green. Crasy.
After mentioning the movie from yesterday, I also wanted to talk about my girl Sarah. She has given herself the goal to lose 75lbs lost in 1 year. Guess what, guys, she’s doing it!!!! She is 12 pounds away from her goal!!! I haven’t the adequate words, so I’ll borrow from a friend (sorry for the profanity, but…) SHITBALLS!!! Seriously, that’s hard work, dedication, and effort that needs to be celebrated. She recently did a juice cleanse and after reading first hand of her experience and account, I figured, ‘eh, why not give it a try.
Instead of jumping in full throttle with 100% juice all the time, I opted to swap 1 meal a day to drink this delicious goodness. For me, that meal will be breakfast during the week and lunch on the weekends. Why breakfast? Well, usually, I’m on the go in the mornings. I have about a 45 minute commute, followed by a workday where I need to get up and go. I normally wait to eat at the office, where I will whip up some scrambled eggs (with cream cheese…guilty face) and a piece of whole wheat toast with strawberry jam. I will also have a poor mans mocha, which is 1 part hot chocolate, 1/4 part milk, 1/2 part coffee. Talk about a bunch of empty calories! YIKES!
I also happened upon a nifty product called Cuppow, which essentially converts your mason jars into drinkable cups (adult-like sippy cups for us clumsyfolks on the go). Since I have introduced that to my water-drinking routine, I have discovered that I drink twice as much water that I normally would in a day. That’s unheard of! Needless to say, I love it! Thank you Cuppow for making a nifty-nifty product. It is $7.99 plus shipping. I totally planned on doing a giveaway for one, but I love mine so much, I’m actually using them both. ha ha! IF I placed another order, then I might consider it. Would any of you even use this? Interestingly enough, as I was sipping my water in our morning meeting at the office, one of my co-workers commented on how wonderful a Cuppow would be if you drank pickle juice to battle a hangoverdehydration. Instead of attempting to pour out the juice from the jar and keep the pickles inside of it, you could just pop this on top of your homemade jarred pickles and drink away.

That’s my routine now. Make my green smoothie at night as part of my routine. Grab it on my way out the door, along with my Cuppow. I drink the juice straight from the jar because, well, it is quite thick. After I finish, I rinse out the jar, fill it with water, attach my Cuppow, and inhale my water. Significantly healthier than before. Small changes yield BIG and long-lasting results.

**Oh, and I must add that when I'm out and about with my Cuppow, and Baby T gets thirsty, she has no problem drinking water. This comes in especially handy when I forget to pack a sippy cup for her. We are a family staying hydrated!**

Healthy Living: Bountiful Baskets

I adopted a healthier living lifestyle the day after Christmas. At that time, I cut out eating all red meat, chicken, fish, and pork. I continued to consume dairy, a few cheeses, and butter. Because I was well on my way, I quickly realized that our food budget was going to increase because of all of the fresh produce I would need on hand. I also became adept at creating delicious meals using only the aforementioned ingredients.
Thankfully, I had discovered Bountiful Baskets a few months prior. We have feasted like kings/queens on delicious produce full of bright and inviting colors. This past weekend, I conducted a test of an organic basket versus a conventional basket. First, I guess I should back up.
What is Bountiful Baskets? Well, it is a food co-op, delivering local-ish (regional and parts of Mexico) produce weekly for a price far less than what you would spend in the store.
You do not get to pick and choose which food items you get. They do offer add-ons like AMAZING bread, grains, additional fruit/veggie packs, cookies, etc.
How much does it cost? It is $16.50 for a conventional basket, $26.50 for an organic basket. We also add on 5 loaves of organic whole grain bread once a month, which is $12. This is seriously the best sandwich bread I’ve ever had.
The website confuses me and it seems really complicated. What if I don’t like what I get? Well, you have to have an open mind with the fruits and veggies you get. If you are picky about eating only a few items, then this probably isn’t for you. The website shouldn’t confuse you. You need to create a login (free). They open up ordering on Mondays at noon. You click Participate Now, choose your Location, choose your items, pay, then print off your receipt. (They mail you one. If you don’t have a printer, you can show them your receipt on your mobile device if it connects to your email.)
What is the difference between an organic basket and a conventional basket? Aside from the cost, you get different items. The organic items are just that, organic. (I love it when they have organic potatoes.)The baskets are similar, but different. See my example of the items I received in each during my comparison below:

Conventional*	Organic
1 Pineapple 1 bunch of asparagus 2 bunches of kale 9 bananas 9 oranges 7 apples 1 bunch of green onion 2 heads of romaine lettuce 7 Anaheim peppers 15+ red and yellow peppers 3 large cucumbers 3 boxes of blueberries	1 box of strawberries 5 oranges 1 head of cabbage 1 hearts of celery package 9 apples 7 bananas 1 butter lettuce 2 bags of carrots 1 bunch of bok choy 1 bag of snap peas

*This week, the conventional basket was overflowing with more goodies than I’ve ever seen in all of the times I’ve participated. Just needed to state that. Not complaining, it was just amazing. Also, the first picture in this post was the conventional basket.
Just for grins, here is a comparison of oranges. The first one is a store bought orange. The middle one is an organic orange. The one on the right is an orange from the conventional basket.

Also, this is all of my fruit stacked up.

To accommodate all of the produce, I have re-arranged our refrigerator to allow the greens to live on a shelf. I also keep my tomatoes and peppers on a separate shelf. We have such little meat in our fridge nowadays. Our restricted meat change couldn’t have come any sooner! Here’s a sample of our leafy shelf:

I have already made apple-blueberry muffins and kale chips. Usually, when I pick up my order, I do an inventory and then menu plan accordingly. They have nifty ideas on their Facebook page. I also use my Everyday Food magazine for ideas since they usually have recipes for vegetables in season. Of course, Pinterest is a wonderful and valuable tool, too!
What are you doing to get healthy? If you don’t think you have the time, then try to make it. 1 hour a day is only 4% of your day. Also, if you need further inspiration, check out Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. It’s on streaming Netflix and definitely worth watching!
As if I didn’t have enough greens, I scooped up some fresh chard from my neighbor! Look at all of that.

Scary Seizures

In lieu of my HDMR, I'm going to write to address our evening last night. First of all, we are fine. Exhausted, but fine. Tesla was diagnosed as having a simple febrile seizure. Apparently it is common in 2% of the population. As it was explained to us, some kiddos have to do a "reset" when the spike in temperature gets too high for their brain. The brain triggers this reset as a defensive response. The child is not affected. No lower IQ, no developmental delays, no issues to the brain or physical issues. For the parents, you get the hell scared out of you and probably shed at least a gallon's worth of tears. Let's not even go into the details of the number of gray hairs I received.

Last night, after the Sugarbean's birthday celebration, I turned off the TV and went to sit in our little sitting area. Don was holding Tesla as she slept, Mari was in her room coughing up a lung. We were having one of our "dreaming big" discussions and were making plans for our home for the future. We were both commenting on how blessed we were. Our kiddos have been sick. This isn't a surprise. To hear Mari hacking in the other room was heartbreaking, but we were advised that it was good for her to cough up whatever she needed to get out. I heard her whimpering, so I went to check on her. The whimpering turned to full on wailing and she sprung out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She told me her mouth was on fire. I gave her water and started to pour out a small dosage of cough syrup so she could rest. Then I heard the loudest scream/shriek Tesla has ever made, followed by two very, very large gasps of air.

I ran to the office and looked at Don, looked at Tesla, and got out, "What happened." In his calm, but authoritative voice (which I still have a difficult time understanding because I'm used to panic and yelling), "Tesla is having a seizure. Call someone." I fumbled with my phone and of course, I struggled with it. I got 911 on the line. I checked on Mari whose "fire mouth" had calmed down. She rushed to my side and grabbed my leg. I started giving the details to the operator and grabbed Tesla. I held her close to me as her body convulsed. It was just twitching. Like a bug twitches before it dies. Her pupils were constricted so tightly as her eyes rolled around. There was nothing I could do. NOTHING. I did my best to talk to the operator. For 5 minutes she had that seizure. Worst 5 minutes of my life. I felt like I was trying to contain a gallon of water in my hands, but it just kept slipping out. I couldn't hold tight enough. I just talked to her. Kept talking to her.

Then the paramedics arrived. By this time, she had stopped. She came out of it confused, disoriented, then eventually, pissed off. She started crying and that was music to my ears. They examined her on a pillow on our kitchen table and she wasn't moving like she normally does. She just laid there crying. They told me that we were going to go for a ride, so I grabbed my things. Poor Mari staring at me, at us. "Mommy, are we going to the hos-table? Is Tesla ok? Mommy, are you sad? I'm sad! Mommy, don't leave me." I told her I was going to ride with Tesla in the ambulance. She was going to ride with Daddy and for her to go grab her shoes and coat.

The ride over was bumpy and full of fussing and irritability. I jumped at every twitch, afraid it would start again. She was really intrigued by the mobile machine they were using to monitor her. In between tears, I made small talk with the paramedics. Each of them had children. One of them had 4, his youngest daughter had just turned 6 months. In unison, they all told me it was ok and that they understood my pain.

We got to Children's and as they were unloading her, Tesla smiled at the paramedic. By the time they checked us in, she was cooing. When we were settled in the room, I changed her diaper. She had completely evacuated her system during the seizure. After some initial tests, I nursed her and let her sleep. She slept intermittently while we had several tests conducted, one of which was RSV. Mari watched TV and thought the whole ordeal, while scary, was fun. She liked the hospital and the firemen. For her, it was a nice birthday present and she kept asking if we could do it all again. Sorry baby, this is something we don't ever want to do again. Ever! It's been a year since we were at Children's, I hope we don't make this an annual thing.

Diagnosis: bronchiolitis. We need to suction her frequently, monitor the temperature and treat with motrin/ibuprofen, and if she has another seizure, bring her in. If she struggles with breathing, bring her in. If her temperature gets over 102, bring her in. We have a follow-up visit with our doctor this afternoon.

We got home before sunrise and after shedding some more tears, we all settled in for some rest. Thank you all for your kind words and messages, especially those of you who have shared your similar stories. Reading about them, then seeing your bigger kids, knowing they have grown up ok, are growing ok, brings much, much comfort. We are so very, very blessed. We will keep you posted as we learn more.

Milk Mothers & Other All Natural Things

We all know that breast is best when it comes to our child. There are other benefits to nursing as well. You lower your risk of breast, ovarian, and uterine cancer. We have also been able to save money since we don't have to buy formula.

With Mari, we had to start supplementing her meals around 5 or 6 months. She had some form of breastmilk until 9 months. This time around, I was sure to stockpile my reserve when my milk first came in. Of course, we blew through that pretty quickly. Pumping at work just doesn't yield the same volume as when I'm around her. On the weekends, we only have to hit up the stash when Don is giving me a break. Even then, I try to pump as soon as possible.

This week, she will turn 7 months old. During that time, she has only had 2 oz of formula around the 2nd week of her life. The rest of the time, she's been nourished with breastmilk. BUT! I was very, very lucky to have generous friends who were willing to share their unused supply. One gal had to stop her nursing relationship early, and gave Tesla the 100+ ounces she'd had frozen. We have used that supply over the past month and a half to make her cereals and food. My other friend has given us oh so much, that we have been able to extend this journey a couple of months longer. I like to lovingly refer to these beautiful mothers as Tesla's Milk Mothers. Thank you, thank you, thank you Mandi & Stephanie!

There's nothing wrong with having to supplement either. It was just the choice that we had made for our little ones. I think if you can go as long as you can, then that's amazing! Great job! I do lament, though, the loss of our nursing relationship. I know my supply is dwindling and we will soon have to supplement. That doesn't mean that I will give up automatically. I still plan to continue pumping until she reaches 9 months or my supply is totally gone. And thank you concerned folks who have offered up advice to increase my supply. I've tried it all except a prescription.

Back to the topic at hand, though. When I mentioned to someone that Tesla had milk mothers, they appallingly looked at me with disgust. I found it interesting that we, as a society, accept giving cow's milk to our young, but something as natural as breastmilk seems a foreign concept. Then again, I was part of that group not long before I had children. Then, I decided to learn more.

Anyway, all that to say, I'm incredibly grateful for my friends and for the gifts they've given.

Stronger

This amps me up! Get it, girls! GIRL POWER!!! RAWWWRRR!!

A Fighter

We are still unclear as to what is going on with Mom, but she is continuing to fight whatever it is that is ailing her. The biggest offender, the experts believe, is a staph infection. They think this bacteria was dormant in her body and awoke with a fury as a result of this operation.We will have a better understanding of what is to come when the cultures come back. In the meantime, thank you for your prayers! She really is a fighter!

And I have to admit, I got more than choked up when I took this photo. My sister said it best, "Love this Picture B! Good job for capturing something I took for granted seeing my whole life!"

Bountiful Baskets: Great for the Budget

For about a month now, I've heard about this food co-op called Bountiful Baskets from Jacki. For those of you who don't know her, well, you are missing out. She's an amazing resource for all things that are good. Well, to me, any way. She's a real salt of the earth kinda gal. She knows her stuff about sewing, cooking, canning, gifting, running, food, pretty much all that kind of stuff that I think was normally passed down from generation to generation, but somehow some of it was lost for me along the way. She's helped to reinforce things I had learned and has taught me so much along the way.

Anyway, when she mentioned Bountiful Baskets, I had to do further research. When I went out to the website, I can honestly say I was simultaneously overwhelmed and unimpressed. What? How? Well, there's not a whole lot of photos and there's a whole bunch of text. I was going to have to sign up to fill out a form too. bleh! Well, I missed that initial offering. And then Jacki posted a photo of all of the stuff she had gotten. To further rub my nose in it, she posted some pretty amazing looking recipes of her haul, which had me drooling. All of that sexy looking produce, all delicious, all packed a PUNCH! KA-POW...suck on that non-wholesome/chemically laced foods!

So I went out to the site again and bombarded poor Jacki with ridiculous questions. To which, she had the patience to deal with me for a bit and kept posting the link back to their site. I know she was probably thinking, "For the love of God, Bianca, this isn't complicated. read the damn site!!" But she was very cordial and helpful! I signed up, I read, re-read, then read aloud to Don everything I thought was important. We huddled over the computer trying to decide which basket to buy. Organic, non-organic...do we do add-ons? Hmmm...We ended up going with 1 organic basket (basket=$15+organic=$10...$25 total for organic basket) and added on 2 pumpkins, which were described as smaller than a basketball ($3.25 each). We figured if they weren't large enough to carve, we could get cheaper ones later.

Since this was our first time to participate, we had to pay a $3 first time fee. Each time you participate, there is a $1.50 processing fee. Knowing that there didn't have to be further commitment, we thought $36 was ok to invest. To further complicate things, we were out of town, so instead of picking up where we would normally pick-up, we decided to do pick-up in Lubbock. Not only were were buying for the first time, but we were also going to be traveling with these foods. Luckily, they have a food storage guide, so we used that to go on. We took 3 re-usable shopping bags, and showed up 10 minutes before pick-up time (you can arrive an hour early to volunteer. I may do that another time.). We were 15th in line with a longer line snaking after us and others continued to arrive after we left. This is what we received:

Organic Basket (filled 2 of our shopping bags)

• 1 bunch of chard
• 6 bananas
• 6 plums
• 4 tomatoes
• 2 zucchini
• 2 avocados
• 2 apples
• 4 pears
• 2 acorn squash
• 1 basket of concord grapes
• 1 basket of kiwi berries
• 3 romaine hearts lettuce

Add-on: 2 large pumpkins, one was the size of a basketball, the other one was larger!

Oh my, was a haul!! I've never even had kiwi berries, nor have I prepared chard on my own. I'm guessing it is chard because I don't know what it is. I am going to be using this recipe and I want to try out this acorn squash bisque recipe, too! Can I just say that meal planning has been amped up 5 notches. I'm beyond thrilled and excited to be cooking. Plus, my Everyday Food magazine actually features many of the foods I received (they are in season, after all), so I can use a whole lot of those recipes in there too.

If you have a Bountiful Baskets offering in your area, I would highly recommend you check them out! I calculated everything that we received and compared it to what we could have paid in the grocery store and honestly, we saved about $5, but hey, that's an overpriced coffee right there. Knowing most of the foods are more local, and that I have a boost in my meal planning (after all, I don't have to think as much, I just have to figure out what to make with what I have instead of deciding what to buy AND what to make). Go for it and enjoy!

That One Time We Went to Children's

It's been no secret that we've had a sick little one for a while. Well, yesterday, everything came to a head. We'd gotten to that not-so-great point of parenting inadequacy where we knew we would have to call for reinforcements.

Just after midnight, we loaded up and headed out to the ER. First of all, I have to say just how impressed I was with their ENTIRE staff. They were happy, patient, informative, and helpful. They TOTALLY explained what they were doing, why they were doing it, and what we could expect.

Anyway, we arrived, gave our information to the registrar and sat down. After 20 minutes, they put us in Triage.

Here we are in triage giving details while the nurse collected vitals. Mari had no problem taking her Tylenol or wearing the oxygen monitor they put on her thumb. She just sat with her daddy, feeling lethargic, and far from her usual self. I was entertaining myself with the silliness of Wizards of Waverly Place when all of a sudden, a very upset mother stormed out with her daughter while her husband followed behind. She hollered about it taking over an hour waiting for a doctor and blah, blah, blah. I don't know why she was surprised with the wait. I've been to two other hospitals in the area to wait for their ER and a couple of visits to CareNow, neither of which was less than an hour and a half wait. Anyway, since that family left, I figured we would get in the patient room much faster. We waited another 15 minutes when they called us back to the room to wait.

After another 30 minutes of waiting in the room, the nurse came in and took her vitals. It was that waiting time that I was able to catch a 15 minute cat nap with Mari on the tiny bed. When she was gone, I got up and was alert again for the duration of the night until we got home. About 20 minutes after that, the doctor came in to see us. She was kind, patient, and listened without rushing. She had great bedside manner. She listened to her chest and wanted to give her a breathing treatment. She also ordered an x-ray. The Respiratory Therapist came in and gave her a dose of Albuterol.

This was her first time to wear a mask. We called her Mari Vader. She seemed somewhat comforted by that. Shortly thereafter, she took a power nap before they took her away to get her x-ray. She came back upset and I wasn't sure what happened while they were gone. Being beyond pregnant, they would not let me go back there with her. Don relayed to me that she was not happy to do it. It was a bit after this that our friend came over to keep us company.

It didn't seem like it was that long before our doctor came back in to listen to Mari's chest. She returned with good news that Mari did not have pneumonia! Because she was coughing so much still, she wanted to do another breathing treatment and give her a few drops of codeine to help her get some good sleep. She had another treatment and was not very happy about it. She took the codeine and less than 10 minutes later, she had a coughing fit that caused her to not only get rid of some phlegm, but most of the codeine she'd taken. Instead of giving her more, we were content with the results from the breathing treatment. The coughing had subsided tremendously and her fever was now down to 99.

Just before 5AM, we were discharged with two new medications and a much brighter outlook. My head bobbed on the way home and I have no idea how my husband made it through an entire day with about an hour of sleep. Kudos to him, indeed.

I would highly recommend Children's for your emergencies for your children. I'm sure many of you readers have already discovered them and their awesome care, but if you haven't and you find yourself in need of medical attention for your small person, then check 'em out.