Random stream of thoughts...

Monday, February 18, 2008

Tiny feet, I wonder what roads these small feet will travel. I imagine the adventures she'll have and I can only hope and pray that her feet will carry her to many happy and exciting places. Places filled with tranquil serenity, as well as, courageous quests. I wish for her to live life, fully. I'm rather blessed to have had many, many adventures of my own, and I'll continue to have them. One of my first gifts that I hope to impress on her is IMAGINATION. My mother read me many stories and fairy tales, each of which gave life because she spoke the dialogue in colorful voices. I didn't realize how much of an impact that had on me until someone read a story in class and it sounded so bland and uninteresting because I couldn't inject my imagination into the bland tale. Being a very shy child, I relied quite a bit on my imagination. I don't yet know my child's personality, if she'll be shy or bold, but I do know that she'll be well-equipped with her own sense of fantastical creative thought.

This past weekend my mother brought us the first of many Girl Scout cookies. They are still in the plastic grocery bag that she put them in. I don't want to touch them. 1 week to the day after I'd given birth, on a whim I picked up my favorite pair of pre-pregnancy jeans and tried them on. I wondered, much further am I going to have to go before I can seem more of who I was. 'Lo and behold, they not only fastened at the button, but they zipped up completely! I was impressed. Again, my body never ceases to amaze me. I can't tell you how appreciative I am of it and how discerning I've become of what I put into it. Even moreso because what I eat will directly affect my baby since I produce what she's eating. Yesterday we had Mexican food. I indulged in some jalapenos. Poor thing, she's not only been really gassy, but she's had a bit of acid reflux as well. No more spicy goodness! Today, I focused on ingesting more greens and definitely hydrating myself a bit more.

I've also decided that it is important for me to get out daily. Being cooped up in the house is never a good thing and it will definitely aid in post-partum depression. I had a brief preview of what all of that was like last Friday. I'd stayed in for most of the day prepping for visitors from out of town and I was emotionally exhausted. I could feel my mood shifting and I couldn't control it. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and teared up. I didn't recognize me. Even though I've shed some pounds, my face is still full. My hair was disheveled and I'd been in the same t-shirt and pajamas for too long. Immediately, I went to take a shower, dress myself properly, add some accessories and make-up and I begin to feel more like myself. Normally, I would've gone for a run to clear the head, but this is not yet possible. I'm itching to hit the pavement and get my heart rate up, but my doctor hasn't cleared me for exercise yet. For now, I must be content with walking. Tomorrow, I'm going to hit up Arbor Hills with the kid. Walking is relatively low-impact and it will be good for me to get some fresh air. It'll be good for her to get out and about as well. Plus, spending time inside a store doing retail therapy can be just as bad as lingering in the house.

For the first time in a very long time, my hands are super-duper soft since I'm washing her bottles by hand nearly twice a day. It has become part of my morning routine: get up, feed the baby, change her, use the bathroom, brush my teeth, wash my face, put in my contacts, comb my hair, pull it back, wrap her in the sling, gather all of her bottles and the stuff I've used for pumping, then wash and sterilize it all. I've got it all down to about15 minutes, not including the time for nursing or feeding her. I wash and sterilize everything again after dinner. This time, though I prep all of the baggies of pumped milk for the freezer. Right now, I have quite a bit, I don't really know what I'm going to do with it. I guess I'm just getting into the habit.

Anyway, life is still very, very good. Tomorrow, I also need to set up her baptism. I'm hoping that we can do it Memorial Day weekend. We'll see. Now I'm off to design her birth announcements.

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