Seeing my mother in her hospital bed, a slight form of what I've known her to be, well, it is heartbreaking. Before I see her, though, I shake out all of the blues and I check it at the door of the hospital. Every minute I spend with her, I emit a thousand watts of positivity and love. Every fiber in me KNOWS she will get better, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when I see her hurt the way she's hurting.
And then there's friends and loved ones.
Do you know, I don't think I've ever felt more special and more loved than I do during this time. We've been surprised with meals, with notes of support, with texts, with private messages, with telephone calls, with hugs, with cards....with love. Just when I think things are going to break me, I will look in my mailbox and see a handwritten card from afar. When I've had a particularly rough day (and there have been more than not), I'm surprised with homemade brownies or cookies. Oh, and the meals...the last thing that I've wanted to think about was what to cook (even though it is definitely cathartic for me to be in the kitchen), a precious loved one has taken the time to make us a meal or sent a gift card. Thank you! All of you, thank you! There's a big ol' lump of love that gets caught up in my throat, I'm so utterly humbled by the generosity!
This past week, someone made the comment to me, "Bianca, you always go out of your way to make people feel special." I marinated on that statement and thought of Mom. She lived the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. It is only natural I do my best to do the same.
Even though I have this sadness, it is comforting to know that I'm not alone. Thank you for all of your positive thoughts and prayers. They are working! Mom hears them and feels them. We feel them! Thank you, infinite thank you!