And Tesla Makes Four

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I apologize for lack of postings and such. I've been a bit preoccupied, more than usual. Well, quite frankly, it is really, really tough to keep a secret. ha ha! But now I can write away and discuss the whirlwind of emotions and feelings I've experienced over the last bit. But before that, meet Tesla. The first pictures taken yesterday and Don already thinks this one favors him a great deal. Yes, sweetie, those are definitely your arms! 

Those of you loyal readers knew that in June & July, our social lives were beyond busy. I have no idea how we got through it, but a couple of weddings, a few birthdays, bachelorette party, and showers, and well, it was insanity. The week after the madness, we took a time-out from life, hung around the house and tended to boring stuff like eye doctor visits and laundry. We kicked our feet up, watched movies, and sat down to talk about our family budget. Oooh yeah, sexy stuff, let me tell you.

Anyway, a few weeks later Mari had a tantrum about a baby in my belly and wanting to be the baby. She kept pointing to my belly saying "no baby, me baby," so a phone call to my grandmother later led me to believe that I needed to take a test. We had a wonderful and happy surprise!!!

And then the deep dark creepies crept their lanky selves into the ever-increasing walls of doubt that began to come out of nowhere. I became hyper-paranoid and freakishly panicked. Each time I went to the bathroom, I had a full-fledged anxiety attack that left me sighing heavily and finishing up with tears at the thought of having to go again. It became really tricky to hide the puffy eyes and smeared make-up at work, but after turning to my Bible and giving it all to God, I slowly became less skeptical and more hopeful. It didn't matter what happened last year (at almost the exact same time, no less), this was a new opportunity. I made my peace and found myself talking to the baby, rubbing my belly, and wishing all hopes and dreams for a healthy child to the one growing in my womb. Each night I gave thanks to God for shedding grace on us again, allowing for hope and wishful thinking. I made the doctor appointment and all that remained was waiting to meet the jellybean.

I wrote Don an email, detailing why I'd chosen the nickname for the growing baby, Tesla*:

Our Tesla is a bringer of light and electricity. I'm so excited at all of the possibilities. I think of the long late nights and you know what, I say bring it. Bring it all on. I'm ready for it. Because I'd rather have it than not. Give me the nausea, the bloat, the aches, the pains, the stretch marks, the uncomfortableness, the insomnia, the tears, the blood, and snot and mucus and pee and vomit too, I'll gladly exchange it for that first smile, that belly laugh, the giggle rumbles, the baby babbling, the tiny feet, and the opportunity to pause and look at life all over again from a much brighter perspective.

Also, some of you may remember the Tesla the band from the 90s. They wrote a song called Love Song. While this song is specifically a love song for lovers, it made me think of the love a mother has for their child, or rather the emptiness felt from losing one, and the hope that is born from that void felt. 
It's gonna take a little time.
Time is sure to mend your broken heart.
Don't you even worry, pretty darlin'.
I know you'll find love again. Yeah.
After reading those words and hearing that song, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and I was calm and serene. I can probably count on my hands the numbers of times in my life I've felt that calm and serene...clarity. I was overjoyed and ecstatic, which gave me enough bravery to drive to the doctor, sit in the familiar waiting room, hold my beloved's hand while we walked into the sonographer's room, and forced my gaze to the haunting screen that delivered scary news a year earlier. With white knuckles, I stared at the screen fearfully. My heart pounded and I felt yet another migraine building. She looked at one ovary, then at the other, and with each turn of the wand, I just became more and more apprehensive. And then we saw it. There on the screen, a bit of a flutter, not just a dormant sac. She measured, flicked a switch, and happily announced: 160 beats per minute, 1.25" long. The tears flowed down my face, my squeeze softened, I shared an intimate look with my husband, and happily went to change. 

Thank you for your continued prayers, I feel them. We're totally over the moon! And both Mari and Guapo are so eager for the new addition. 

Psalm 66:19

*For those of you who don't Tesla the inventor, you need to click here and learn some amazingness! 


Goosegirl said...

WOOHOO!!!! Congratulations!!! Bianca, I am so excited for you and your family. I am praying for a healthy and happy pregnancy and a safe delivery of baby Tesla next Spring! I know those feelings of fear and know that God has His hand on your new little one inside you. I pray peace for you as you wait.

The Steinman Squad said...

What a sweet, poignant post. Bianca, I am so, so happy for you, Don, Mari & Guapo. What a blessed little baby to be added to the Sias family. I can't wait to watch Tesla and see that spectacular, beaming smile he/she will have and wear proudly!

Unknown said...

What a beautifully written post. Thank you for bring sweet tears to my eyes as I read your heartfelt journey Tesla. I will continue to embrace you all in my prayers. Love you! God bless you always! I am so incredibly happy for you all!

Kristen, pajama mama said...

OHMYGOODNESS!!!Congrats!!! And Tesla is an absolutely beautiful name! Praying now for much peace and joy as April approaches (however slow or fast)

and now my silly little answer seems very unimportant, but...A homeschool coop is just a group of parents who do school together some days. Ours is once a week and very inexpensive because every parent also teaches or assists. It works because we each have such different talents and strengths so the kids really benefit. While I can't teach my kids Physics, Spanish or Archery, I can teach someone else's child to draw, sew or run :) And of course, the kids get to be in a classroom setting with kids from great families!

We have some great ones in the area, if you're every interested in visiting when Mari's starting school-just let me know, and you can come see ours!

So excited and happy for you!

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