Hello, hello, hello!

So I like music. A whole lot! I’m always on the lookout for new tunes, while simultaneously revisiting my old tried and true songs. Isn’t amazing how listening to a song will magically take you back to a time and place?
Last Friday, Captain America and I headed out on a date! I even had my hair blown out for the occasion! (review of Pouf to come)  We went out for drinks beforehand, then did a quick change from our day-time clothes to concert wear. (Confession: I actually had on a maxi dress to wear to the concert, but then I quickly remembered that I was probably going to be doing a whole heck of a lot of dancing and I needed something a bit more dance appropriate, where I wouldn’t be tripping over myself.)

(Him: V-neck from Urban Outfitters, suspenders & hat from Nordstrom Rack, pants from Macy’s Me: Smiley half shirt from Urban outfitters, striped under tank from Banana Republic, Jeans by David Kahn)


When we arrived, we picked up our tickets and our photo pass* and were on our merry way.


Lucky for us, Ivy Levan was just starting her set! Captain America quickly went to the barricade and was greeted by Big Rod. This guy right here was responsible for keeping the peace at the barricade, protecting the artists, the concert-goers, and the photo/videographers in front of the barricade. Big props to him for what he does and for doing it well, and quite professional, might I add. Thank you, Big Rod!


Captain America settled in and prepped Baby (what we call our big camera) for the lighting conditions. First off, let me tell you about this chick Ivy Levan. Holy wow! If you threw in one part of Christina Aguilera’s character from Burlesque with a dash of Gaga and a whole lot of rocking badass, you’d get Ivy Levan. She has such a presence on stage and it isn’t just because her dress was sparkly and her hair amazing. I loved, loved, loved dancing to her. I couldn’t help but get my hips shaking. Also, her music pulled out my inner sassiness, that I very nearly told off a gal who’d stood in front of me. Like seriously, I turned into quite a snarly/snarky person and was like, “Whoa, who’s voice is this saying these things??” I put myself in check and went and bought the gal a drink for her trouble for having to deal with all of that. Anyway, just so you know, you have the warning that the music will unleash your don’t-mess-with-me attitude, which isn’t entirely a bad thing. Check out The Dame, now on iTunes and here are some shots he captured of her:



She was such a delight and a wonderful warm-up for Fitz. After her set, I ran out to get a signed copy of her CD. I probably made a certifiable ass out of myself on film when her videographer asked me some questions. I was so amped up on the music and meeting her! And she was a doll! I discovered later that she was performing that evening at the Ruby Room. I wondered how many others saw her perform that night, too.

Between sets, Saints of Valory performed. They had quite a stage presence, but I have to admit, that I wasn’t in the mood to hear that type of music. It put me to another place. Unfortunately, we didn’t grab any photos of their performance. What did happen? Well, their music was the perfect backdrop for making new friends. You see, we spotted a small person dancing towards the back of the hall and we struck up a conversation with her parents. Christian, Megan, and Neva shared their time with us during that set. They told us their remarkable tale of how fate had brought them together. How their stories were intertwined before they even knew it, and how things happen all at that right time. They shared of their love of cycling, that this was Neva’s 3rd Fitz concert (she’s only 3!!), and how they will be married soon. I absolutely love stories like theirs! [New friends, if you are reading this and want to meet up, drop a line (bianca at hellobianca), we’d love it if our daughters met!] Yes, that is a tiny top hat on Neva’s head! How cute are they??


And then it was time for the show. I kissed my beloved good-bye for a bit, strapped on the equipment backpack so he wouldn't have to carry all of the gear, and said a photographer’s prayer for amazing light. I love it when he finds me:


Everyone was really excited. The energy filled the space. My heart was beating, my feet already dancing, everyone around me smiling and talking. The tools of their trade patiently waiting to erupt into a violent flame of happy.


But I must back up for a second. Remember that trip I talked about a few days ago? The one where I jumped out of a plane? Well, that was a girls only trip. My routine when I fly, I get to the airport and buy a coffee and stop by the newsstand and pick up a copy of Esquire, GQ, or Men’s Health. Sometimes all 3, sometimes just one.  That month, Esquire featured them in their Music and Style edition. Yes, I was connected to the wi-fi on the plane. Yes, I fired them up on Spotify and I was completely sold the first few notes of “Moneygrabber.” I would fire up some of their stuff while we were driving around and even on my morning run. Immediately, their music was synonymous with my happy.

When I returned home, I was able to listen to “More Than Just a Dream” in its entirety, I was in love. I knew they were going to be at Edgefest, but I was unable to attend since it was the very next weekend after my trip. Instead, the Universe heard my quiet plea and tickets went on sale for them to perform in July! To make the deal sweeter, my Beloved was every bit as stoked to see them, so this was going to be a magical date for us! The House of Blues is becoming a favorite place in our hearts for such dates. (Thank you House of Blues staff! If you’ve never been to a show there, I highly recommend it!)

Fitz & the Tantrums

The lights dimmed slightly and they began:




The crowd jubilant and dancing:



Noelle’s voice rang out with that tambourine:


And Fitz, with those red sneakers…


I danced and danced and danced. I hadn’t danced that much and shouted along the lyrics in a long while. Maybe I twerked a little bit too. And maybe I convinced some others to twerk with me. I was completely hoarse at the end of the night. Amazing night with loads of new friends (hello Amy, I’m talking to you!). What an incredible night of fun!



Um…Hello Bianca, this sounds like an amazing night, but I have no idea who they are, but based on your excitement I want to check them out! Where can I learn more? Here is their wikipedia. Here is their site. They are on youtube. Or just listen on iTunes, Pandora, or Spotify. They are good times!

Oh, and thanks babe for a wonderfully incredible night out!

*While we were given a photo pass, we were not at all compensated for this post. I just think their music is nifty and I wanted to share it with the world. We paid for our own tickets and merchandise while there.

WINNER!! WINNER!!

Hello friends!

Happy Monday. I hope each one of you had a fabulous weekend. Even if it wasn’t fabulous the entire time, I hope it was great for most of it. Me, I spent all of Saturday laid out in bed. Seriously, I got up at 8, and felt like I was gonna fall down, even though I was on my back on the floor. Talk about major vertigo! I was too afraid to take my vertigo pills (choice of Anitvert or Valium, both of with would have me in a coma-like state for at least 18 hours), so I spent all day in bed. After the nausea subsided, I had a low-grade fever. Needless to say, I spent nearly 20 hours sleeping. I didn’t have anything planned for the day, so it was ok. I allowed myself to not feel overwhelming guilt for sleeping the day away. Plus, it was so nice to hear tiny voices calling my name, crawling in bed with me, giving me snuggles and Sana-Sana. At one point, I had a large flower on my head b/c the Sugarbean claimed it would help with my balance issues. (smile)

All that to say, thank you so very much for your patience! Announcing the winner of the Cuppow giveaway! Thank you everyone who entered!

Fall Out of a Plane and Live (Check): 14 Tips for First-Time Skydivers

So this happened on my girls trip to California…

Yeah, right? Out of my mind, some of you may be thinking. The other half of you are like, “cool, I’ve done that! so rad.”

It was definitely an experience, let me tell you. First off, let it be known that this was NEVER, EVER, NOPE, NOT EVER on my bucket list of things to do before I died. BUT, then why did I do it? Well, just because it was never on the list didn’t mean that it couldn’t be a source for me to conquer my fear of heights. And just the day before, I did this…

I hiked up (and down, which was more treacherous than going up!) Cowles Mountain and crawled out to the ledge, stood up high on that rock, and jumped in the air. Moments after, I bawled like a baby. Why? Because I overcame my fear. I was shaking nervously, grateful to have my BFF with me so we could talk, and keep me distracted from the increased elevation. When we made it to the top, I knew I had to crawl out to the ledge to snap that photo. I just had to!

Which takes us back to the skydiving adventure.

Here are my own personal Skydiving tips that I think you would find helpful if you’ve wanted to do this or are considering skydiving. I am not a professional, these are some things that came to mind immediately:

1. Wear something comfortable like running tights/capris…think workout clothes.
2. It will only be cold for moments.
3. You will spend a long amount of time filling out the necessary paperwork. Don’t bitch about it, you’re totally going to be falling out of a plane, duh. You need that legal stuff.
4. Don’t only have coffee right before. A light meal would be nice.
5. Having something light to have on hand immediately afterwards would be good.
6. If you don’t like those g-force spins on roller coasters, you won’t like the spins you will make once the chute is deployed.
7. If you have that, then odds are, you will suffer from motion sickness. If you have vertigo, you will be laid out for at least a week.
8. Embrace the motion sickness. You totally fell out of a plane and lived!
9. If you puke, that’s ok. It’s why the tandem guys wear helmets. For the record, I didn’t get sick.
10. If you are only going to do it once, then splurge for the photos and video (money well spent).
11. Keep your eyes open and see the beauty of God.
12. Amazing perspective from that high in the sky.
13. I felt like I was Ironman flying in the sky to save the world. I wasn’t falling, I was flying!
14. Arch your back, everything else will be fine.

And here's my video of it all.
Bianca Skydives Over San Diego from Bianca Sias on Vimeo.

A very special thank you to my dear Danika who hosted us, drove us out there, and cheered us on (and nursed me back to health, too!), as well as my BFF Lindsey, who came up with the idea, and kept me committed to my One Little Word: COURAGE.

Giveaway: Cuppow BNTO

One of my favorite innovative companies, Cuppow, had launched a new product called the BNTO.

BNTO (ben-toh) is our new canning jar adapter - it's for bringing great food on the go!

Canning jars are designed to store food safely and make awesome lunch boxes: they are easy to clean, cheap, and you can microwave them! The only problem is that sometimes the foods that taste the best together don’t travel well together. We took inspiration from Japanese "bento boxes" and created a conveniently shaped insert that separates a canning jar into two compartments so you can mix or dip like a champ. BNTO should provide the perfect companion for all sorts of food adventures!

Obviously, you will have to own a wide-mouth mason jar to use this nifty gadget, but if you have one, there are loads of uses. I will be giving away 1 BNTO to one of you! Yes, I’m talking about you, gorgeous! You deserve this! Have you wanted to try that Pinterest salad in a jar, but are afraid of soggy lettuce by the time lunch rolls around? Then you need a BNTO. Want a healthy celery and and peanut butter snack? BNTO has you covered. How about hummus and pita chips….oooh or spicy salsa and chips?? BNTO is your pal. Maybe you want some cookies and milk, yep, BNTO is your buddy. Lots of uses!

You can leave a comment here to enter. For a bonus entry, tweet this or share it on any number of social media avenues and let me know. Good luck! Contest ends Saturday, July 13.

   
**This is a giveaway of my own doing. Cuppow in no way has provided me with a BNTO, heck, they might not even know I’m giving one away. I just think this product is so awesome and it needed to be shared!**
BNTO by Cuppow! from Paper Fortress on Vimeo.

Family Photos: 4 Tips for a Great Session

I know many people may stress at the last minute when they get together to take a professional family photo. Even though I’m a photographer, I  also stress before a session. I thought I’d share some things that are helpful for me when we take family photos. (A very special thanks goes to Terah Pliley Photography & Chera25 Photography for the images in this post!)

one…
Make it a point to actually take a family portrait at least once a year! Even if you set your phone’s timer function to snap an image, then do it. Go use a coupon for a cheap portrait studio if you must. But sincerely TRY to find a local photographer to take your photos. Take advantage of their mini sessions. Usually, they are a fraction of the cost (usually less than $100) and you will end up with at least 1 really great image that will be more than worth that investment. This image…I’ve dreamed of this image since before I had my girls. I can’t tell you what it means to me to have it. It may not be other people’s preference, but this single moment is intimate to me. It is special. It is my girls and I, them sharing their vulnerability, and she captured a rare tender moment. I still get choked up with I see it.

two…
For us, I’ve discovered that our girls don’t do well in a studio. Something about confined places just makes them want to go bananas. Outdoor shots yield fabulous lighting and allows for them to run off their energy. This also helps them to relax and really let out their little personalities. Clearly, mine are used to being in front of the camera, even the Sugarbaby has the hand on the hip pose working. The Sugarbean already knows about shifting weight to the back leg, too.

three…
Plan your wardrobe. You don’t have to be all matchy-match, but it is nice to have colors that will POP with the venue. Since we frequently do outdoor images, I try to consider the climate and what will be around us. Recently, we did photos in the sunflower field. I drew out the color wheel and totally came up with blue as the complementary color. Let me tell you, I jump at the opportunity to wear blue because it makes my husband’s eyes pop, plus the colors look great on my daughters skin! The other session in this post’s example, I went with a floral theme. Yes, there were stripes and polka dots, in my girls’ dresses, but we all had a type of flower. I went neutral with a black and white dress, and giving color to them.  I wanted them to be the central focus in my images and our photographer captured it exactly.  Also, let your children help plan what they will wear. I may pick out the clothes, but often I will say wear a dress and together they will come back to me with their ideas. This happened when I said blue dress. They each chose to wear their matching blue dresses given to them by their aunt. My eldest always chooses her hair style and accessories. I let them choose their own shoes, too. Again, it goes back to comfort of the child.


four…
Relax. It is easy  for me to say this. But here’s the thing. I’ve been using Chera25 photography now for nearly 3 years. We are comfortable with her. My girls know her, and they aren’t at all uncomfortable in front of a camera. You know what else? I’M not uncomfortable with them capturing me. Terah and I have been friends for a few years. I met her through her mother. I’ve always admired her eye and images. I chose her to do our mommy/daughter session because I knew I could trust her. Other photographers would’ve captured a photo for me, but I don’t think our personalities would’ve come out quite like I wanted. And you know what? That’s a big thing for me. It is an investment in money, yes, but also in time. I see all time as precious and wrangling our littles together takes time. Doing my hair, doing their hair, ironing clothes, soothing the girls, planning out around naps, checking teeth…all that, takes time. Likewise, it takes time for the photographer. Both of the photographers we use are mothers of daughters. They understand this about us and are so very understanding during our sessions. Having a personal relationship with them allows for us to relax and show our best face. It also helps me to not have absolutely ANY hesitation when booking them! You know what else helps with relaxing…knowing these intimate moments are captured, too. They remind me of so long ago when I first fell in love with him.


So don’t delay any longer! Get your family together and book a photographer that you have long admired and trust that the images will capture a point in time that you will never see again.

The Genesis of the Birthday Month & an Apology

“The TRUTH is that the higher you rise in status & popularity, the more you are called to SERVE others (not the other way around).”—Robyn Bomar of The Birthday Project

I wouldn’t call myself one of the cool or popular kids, when I was growing up. I was different. I was imaginative, creative, introverted, and had a very unique sense of style. Betsey Johnson’s clothing personified all that was similar to my childhood. As a teen, Helena Bonham Carter’s style was more of what I would have wanted to wear. But as we grow, we literally try on different clothes to showcase who we are. I am very blessed to be many things. I’m an athlete. I’m a thespian. I’m a writer. I’m a dreamer. I’m a music lover. I’m a photographer. I’m a seamstress. I’m a coach. I’m a counselor. I’m a corporate worker. I’m a hippie on the weekends. I’m a cheerleader. I’m a listener. I’m a healer. I’m a mother. I’m a wife. I’m a sister. I’m a daughter. I’m a friend. I've had several people ask me about the birthday month. This question asked might have been in jest from some, others were curious, some were thrilled, and another found it quite indulgent and selfish. I felt the need to clarify what it means to me, this month-long celebration.

There were many, many times I was horribly lonely and sad. Emotional scars from my childhood really manifest themselves during these moments and cast a shadow of doubt and worthiness as a person. I just wanted a friend nearby. On my 24th birthday, that was my wish, for a friend nearby to do things with (my two best and closest friends were hours away, still in school). Wish granted. Over the course of the next several years, she and I had a great many adventures, making new friends along the way, building our own colorful urban family. This isn’t to say that I lost sight of my old friends. No, not hardly! It is always magic when each of those worlds collides, friends from the past, from the present, and new friends from our futures are brought together in those rare moments. I like to flit about like a butterfly, socializing with each of them, often excusing myself to seemingly go to the bathroom, when in reality, I’m stepping back, looking at everyone smiling, taking it all in, and giving thanks for being so blessed with loved ones. Being afforded friendship, true friendship, and love.

With the advent of social media, I made virtual friends, many of whom I have met in real life, many of them mothers themselves, who relate to the everyday life of what it means to be all of the aforementioned labels and more…more like, health/body related issues like laughing so hard you pee, and extra skin, and lack of privacy, and the other hilarious details that make you appreciate your own mother. So you can see that I have joined and am a part of all of these tiny tribes all over the place.

A couple of years ago, I came across Robyn Bomar’s The Birthday Project. How beautiful, how wonderful of an idea and concept! At the same time, one of my virtual mom friends posted about celebrating her birthday month. During that time I would celebrate the week of, trying to squeeze in lunch/dinner/coffee dates with friends to celebrate myself. The idea of the celebration had escaped me. I was too stressed about the activities surrounding the very reason and joy I wanted to celebrate…being alive! I got to thinking and decided that I too, would be celebrating for a month. And for that entire month, for each item I gifted myself or was gifted, I needed to give that much back to the world. I like opening gifts! I like receiving gifts. Receiving a gift can be difficult. I mean, I am not that gracious at receiving a compliment and when you give me a physical gift, I get a bit overwhelmed. I wasn’t always that way. Some where along the way, though, I had changed. I’ve since gotten better at it. I smile and accept it. My heart races at the surprise inside! I’m thrilled at the thought that someone had gone out of their way to consider ME and they were giving me a special token.

I’ve never stated before about giving out to the world during this month, nor have I ever mentioned my gift receiving anxiety. I don’t feel the need to brag about being a decent human. It’s like that commercial where one simple act can have a ripple effect into the world. Sure, I’ll buy a coffee for a stranger. But more than that, I like to hide dollars at the Dollar store, leave a $5 in the toy section at Wal-mart, give food to someone hungry, deliver a flower to a neighbor, or just give a good, long, exaggerated hug to someone in need. It is in the act of giving that I receive so very much. Gift receiving: I had such anxiety about giving gifts to friends. Would it fit? Would they like it? Did I spend too much? Did I not spend enough? That it got to where it wasn’t about the person, but the item. And then the gifts I did receive, I didn’t know what to do with them. Literally, when I’m given scented soap or lotions, I don’t know what to do because I’m incredibly allergic to those things. I don’t feel like I can regift something like that because, after all, it was a gift to me. I can’t throw it away because, again, it was a gift. See, how I overcomplicated things? Instead, I allowed myself to spend money for me and give myself gifts. Some would say, “Hello Bianca, that’s kinda selfish!” Let me explain: I would buy myself a cup of coffee. Celebrate the coffee. Appreciate the coffee. Not take for granted that there was always coffee available to me, but rather shift my perspective for the ability to buy myself the coffee and freely enjoy the simple pleasure it brings. I buy myself a cupcake. I eat the cupcake without guilt of empty calories. I try to not think about how much I’ll have to run for that cupcake. Getting in the habit of accepting the gifts I give to myself, I can accept the gifts I receive from others.  Which I am then afforded the pleasure of paying it forward…

Last year’s birthday month involved more introspection and focus on my relationship with self and my husband. Accepting who I was, appreciating who I was, and also, fully appreciating my husband and enjoying our marriage. He, Captain America, being one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received! It was also for making magic. NYC (Tiffany, Yankees, Central Park, Serendipity), Costa Rica (surfing, poi, thunderstorms, jungle, spa), Los Angeles/Anaheim (family, Disney), San Diego (Coronado beach, San Diego zoo, family dinners, private concert), Paso Robles (wine and dinner), San Francisco (dinner with friends, machine museum, SF Bridge), Napa Valley (wine tasting, chocolate bacon, and so much laughter), and Tennessee (beautiful sunrises, lots of sneezing, and driving through Amish country)…what an adventure! I had a month long sabbatical from my job and thanks to our family members and friends, we were afforded that much needed time he and I desperately needed. Thanks to family who understood what we were trying to accomplish and stepped up to help us with our girls. Thanks to friends and family for opening up their homes to us (even when they weren’t there!!) and for all of the rides. Thanks to friends who scheduled with us well in advance of our departures so those (literal hours) in between jumps to the different locations, we got together for dinner, for breakfast, for lunch…all of which was coordinated in advance. My feelings weren’t hurt by people who didn’t reach out to schedule. We all have busy lives. Unfortunately, it didn’t occur to me that by not reaching out to others, I may have inadvertently hurt their feelings.

Here is a very, very public apology to my sister: I’m sorry, Samantha. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings and didn’t consider you more than I should have. I misinterpreted and accepted when I should have followed through and double-checked. I’m sorry that this apology never fully embraced you (in my seemingly apathetic attempts to you up to this point) in the way that I meant for it to. We can’t have a do-over. I regret that I missed that shared time. I regret that I hurt you. I can only say I’m sorry and I will do better.

whoo…(wipes tears)…that was heavy…looks around, oh right.

This year, I took on a greater undertaking. The thought came to me a couple of weeks prior to my birthday. I had to courage to embrace my health diagnosis and not allow it to define my life. I wanted to live by example and invite others to join in my quest for a healthy lifestyle. I invited friends and family to participate in a fun and casual 5K. They would walk, run, bike, crawl…whatever they wanted to do, but they had to commit to get moving on that day. I hoped for 20, I expected 10, I was blown away when I ordered 40 medals! F.O.R.T.Y. Forty medals to be given to participants who let me know they were going to participate. There were still others, strangers even, who participated because they were inspired. I was and am humbled. Someone applauded me by saying that I was being the change I wanted to see in the world. That compliment totally leveled me. It was that type of good that I have always wanted to inspire in people. In middle school, we were asked to write down our goals. I didn’t think immediate goals, per se, like my peers did. They talked about graduating from universities and their career goals. I wrote down that I wanted to make a difference in someone’s life for the better. When I wake each morning, I feel my heart beating, and I’m excited at the very thought that I’m given the chance to do just that. Ever since fully embracing my gift for listening to people’s life story, I have discovered that through that listening, and giving a hug, providing affirmation and validity to the individual, I AM making a difference. And this little 5K…I made a big difference in people’s lives for better health! My tiny pebble thrown into the large pond has created some incredible ripples in the world. Thank you. Each one of you, THANK YOU!



The rest of my birthday weekend had celebrations with friends, some of whom I expected to see and others I hadn’t seen in a long while. And my birthday proper…it was spent exactly as I wanted to, almost. I wanted to spend it with family alongside my father. In my open invitation to friends (yes, I send out an itinerary with scheduled activities, don’t you? If you know me, this isn’t a surprise.), I had mentioned the game. I was very excited that no one responded about going and it would only be family. This year my birthday fell on Father’s day. We planned to go to the Ballpark in Arlington, where we’ve spent the past 19 summers, cheering on our Texas Rangers. We sat in the heat, in the full sun, cheering, heckling, wearing the freebie hats (which were quite awesome), giggling when I saw my name on the scoreboard.


So now you know. If you are reading this, thank you! And I ask that you do one small act of kindness to put that goodness into the world. Could you do that for me? Pretty please? Thanks! High five!

Hiding in the Closet…Literally

Yesterday, I had a rough day. Not because of any one singular thing. Everything that I needed to process forced itself to the surface and erupted into the mother of all headaches, nearly triggering a migraine. I could do nothing but sit in silence and cry a little.

Except I’m a mother.

I have an exceptionally wonderful husband who recognizes these moments and can sweep our girls away. Last night, when everything got to the point where I couldn’t function well, I knew I had to put myself in time-out. My girls were busying themselves by taking turns playing “doggie” (one is the dog and the other gives commands to the dog or throws a ball to play fetch…they do this nearly every day, which comes with a reminder from them that they want/need a dog). I snuck away to our room and hid in our closet. I didn’t want to interrupt my Beloved while he prepared our dinner. (Yes, he was making dinner! He cooks nearly every night of the week. God, I love that man!) I sent him a text to let him know where I was.

laying down on shoes. on the floor of our closet. light turned on because sometimes I’m afraid of the dark.

When I was little, my father and I would play hide and seek in the house. I always  hid in the closet. Often falling asleep in there. I loved the feel of the many textures of the clothes and shoes. I also enjoyed the way the clothes smelled with the mixed leather smell of his loafers and my mother’s pumps. I’ve always found great comfort in the closet. No surprise at all that I would feel safe in there during threatening tornado weather.

I’m in the closet for maybe five minutes before our girls discover me. I asked them to give mommy a few minutes. They didn’t. They kept screaming and banging on the door. My smallest one shrieking because she wanted to be near me. I wanted to be near her, hold her, and comfort her, but I knew as soon as she calmed, we’d be back to that headache-y place. Horror of all horrors, I firmly said, “Babies, mommy needs to be alone. Please leave me alone.” I HATE turning them away. I HATE myself for needing a moment like this. Because I want to hold them and love them with every fiber of my being because I feel like I’m away from them for so long. They left.

And I sobbed for a bit when I received a timely phone call from my Brother. Wherein I poured on to him my gratitude for coming down for my birthday. How I felt  happy, and excited that he will be there. I recognize how big of a deal it is: to coordinate days off in advance, make sure you are caught up on work, drive 6 hours, sleep on a couch, just to share time. Humbled. Incredibly so because I know some people that celebrate their birthdays or want to celebrate their birthdays and they don’t seem to have 1 single friend to celebrate with them. And me, I’m surrounded so many days of the month to celebrate life. Absolutely amazed beyond measure. In typical Brother fashion, he graciously accepted it and then we talked about other stuff. By the end of the conversation, we were erupting in laughter as I was recounting this video. Giggle fits and laughter.

exhale.

I think I’m ready to crawl out of my time-out. I can hear my girls squealing with joy in the backyard, where Captain America* is grilling. I reach up to open the door and it is stuck. I can’t open the door. I try again. Still stuck. I’m trying to deconstruct the door. It isn’t jammed in the doorway. Jiggling doesn’t work. There isn’t a lock on it. And then all of a sudden I’m hot because the light has been on and there isn’t much circulation in the closet. I was fine hiding in the closet, but being locked in the closet brings a different meaning. After several more minutes, I finally swallow my pride and call my husband to let me out.

He doesn’t hear the phone or it didn’t go through. I texted and heard his jingle. My heart sank because I feared his phone was in our bedroom and he was outside. So I sat there, thinking, pondering, breathing. Called again and this time he answered. He chuckled and wondered where I’d been. I guess he hadn’t seen my earlier text about hiding. Then again, he could’ve thought I was playing a game. Which I often do. He let me in and I remembered that for whatever reason, you can’t open our closet from the inside. I know this because The Sugarbean has been “locked” in there a few times herself.

I had to laugh. And laugh I did. While hugging on my girls, as they rubbed my head. My eldest giving a running commentary. “Mommy, we are rubbing your head because you have a head-ick. And it hurts. And I need to talk softer for you (lowering her volume) because it helps you. I’m sorry for your head-ick. I hope this helps it to feel better. I love you, Mommy.” And the Sugarbaby gives me a kiss and a nuzzle telling me she loves me too.

My Beloved had given me a bar of chocolate: salted caramel Godiva milk chocolate and a hug.

I am so blessed.

Health Update: Cluster Eff & a Fracture

hello lovelies!

 

I wanted to take a moment to say thanks to all of you who have been praying for me, messaging me, calling me, and reaching out to let me know I was in your thoughts. That was really nice of you all!

I met with my Neuro today. I love his office. The waiting room was quite comfortable and the large screen TV and assortment of magazines was awesome! The time passed quickly. After reviewing my MRIs, he said that I should be ok. Lucky for me, my specific condition has more to do with my vein and not arteries, so that’s a positive. Your arteries are full of pressure pumping the blood and pose a greater risk. Your veins act as a “drain” for the blood and aren’t under so much pressure. The risk of bursting isn’t as bad. Because I’ve not had seizures, I’m ok! I just have to go in for a routine scan next year to make sure it is still the same and nothing has changed. Muppet YAAAAAY!!! (you know where they celebrate by leaning back, mouth open, screaming with excitement!!!) oh and fast fact, this type of thing is quite common in the Mexican/Mexican American population. Interesting, stuff.

 

and then….

My doctor is a Neurospine surgeon. When I was detailing my medical history, I mentioned my chronic lower back pain. Something I’ve dealt with my whole life. Even to the point that in high school, there was a doctor who told me that I should consider an “early retirement” because of the hyperextension of my back from volleyball and the other sports I was involved with. Obviously, I ignored the warning because well, I’m stubborn like that and I was determined to have sports in my life as a means to get a college education. My doctor asked if I was open to x-rays and I agreed. Lucky for me, they could do them right there and then and I just had to wait a bit for them to process. After further investigation, he came in and we discussed my Cluster Eff, and then we discussed my back. it seems as if I have a fracture in my L5 vertebrae and there has be some degeneration in that space, which is causing the pressure and the reason for my back pain over the years. He explained that this was probably an injury I had in my early childhood (age 4 to be exact…at the roller rink when I fell. I remember the moment clearly.). The added strain over the years with sports aggravated it. He ordered an MRI and I went downstairs to get it done. Convenient!

I won’t need surgery yet. Yeah, yet. Maybe in my 40s, but it all depends on how proactive I will be with my health. He hopes to alleviate the pain with physical therapy by increasing my core. Also, he suggested I continue to lose weight because staying fit and trim is better on my back. Finally, I may need cortisone shots to deal with the pain. So there you go. I now know why I’ve had back pain for 30+ years. insanity. 

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Oh, and now I have a referral to an ENT to determine the root cause for my vertigo. I am so incredibly grateful for my health insurance because I’m getting quite to tune-up! Again, more reasons for me to stay on my health kick and keep moving forward! And apparently, I’ve also discovered I have quite a high threshold for pain. Looking at the positives. Folks, take care of your health!

Album Review: Michael Buble– To Be Loved

 

Hello friends!

 

I’m popping in to share another album review. This time, I’m flexing my crooner muscles and loving on Michael Buble’s new album, To Be Loved. He says, "I want to take you on a wonderful journey about love—all different kinds of love. The album swings big time: it rocks, it’s soulful, it’s happy, sometimes a little sad. It’s romantic, it’s yummy, and it’s heartfelt."

To Be Loved, out now, finds the Grammy winner covering songs by Frank Sinatra, the Bee Gees, Jackson 5, Elvis Presley, Van Morrison, and more. In the mix of golden standards are four original songs co-written by Bublé, dipping into his personal life for inspiration. These are good times for the singer, who is about to become a first-time dad. He sounds like a man in love with life. "I wrote Close Your Eyes about my wife and about the power of all the women in my life—my sisters, my mom, my grandma and all women in general. Let’s face it, where would we be without them? I Got It Easy, another original, is basically a song where I count my blessings and is a reminder to me and everyone to appreciate all the good parts of life. I’m a very lucky guy and I never want to forget it."

 

 

I listened to the album and while it didn’t captivate me immediately like his others, I definitely gave it a 2nd, 3rd and 4th go, because well, it fills me with so much happy! I dare you to give it a listen and not smile and find yourself snapping along…and singing along because you will know the words to many of the songs! I put it on when I’m cooking or cleaning and feel good. Sing to me, Michael, sing!

You can pick up the album on Amazon or iTunes.

To Be Loved Track Listing:

1. "You Make Me Feel So Young"

2. "It's a Beautiful Day"

3. "To Love Somebody"

4. "Who's Lovin You"

5. "Something Stupid" (featuring Reese Witherspoon)

6. "Come Dance with Me"

7. "Close Your Eyes"

8. "After All" (featuring Bryan Adams)

9. "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You" (with Naturally 7)

10. "To Be Loved"

11. "You've Got a Friend in Me"  

12. "Nevertheless (I'm in Love with You)" (featuring The Puppini Sisters)

13. "I Got It Easy"    

14. "Young at Heart"

 

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I participated in this campaign for One2One Network. I received a free copy of the album to facilitate my review. By posting, I am eligible for incentives. All opinions stated are my own.

Cavernous Malformation & Developmental Venous Anomaly (DVA)

Hello friends! This post is going to be personal and have a science message to it, as well. Much of it will just be for me to chronicle and process my emotions.

Most of my life, I’ve had headaches. Lots of them. The older I got, the worse they were. More than 10 years ago, I went through an elimination diet over the course of 6 weeks to see which of the “trigger” foods could potentially be migraine triggers for me. Through this process, I discovered raspberries, raw onions, and bell peppers (cooked or raw) were triggers.

Last week, I was dealing with some vertigo and a nasty migraine that had me laid out. So much so that I went to my doctor. After discussing my history and making a hypothesis, she ordered an MRI just to rule out something more dramatic as the cause. Her hypothesis, she thought that I had developed stones in my cochlea and these were causing ripples in my cochlea and disrupting my hair cells (yes, it’s what they are called), which caused the dizziness and imbalance, or vertigo. I had a prescription for the vertigo (which put me to sleep, basically) and a prescription for migraine (which I need to take when I see the signs of a migraine forming, which isn’t always the case for me, and so medication doesn’t usually work for me in that regard).

I went in for my MRI and this was a big victory for me. I sometimes get claustrophobic. I also freak out if someone is going to stick me with a needle and I can’t watch. With a brain MRI, you are on your back, your head strapped into a plastic cage with a mirror for your eyes. Then, you are moved into the large tube where you hear the powerful magnets whirring. Towards the end, then pulled me out, and had to stick me with an IV for contrast to see other parts of my brain. I did my best to not hyperventilate during this time b/c I couldn’t move my head to see the nurse poking me with a needle. All in all, I was probably in the machine for about 40 minutes total. Imagine being stuck in one of those plastic tubes kids play in and you can’t move. Afterwards, I looked back at the machine and smile. I’d had the courage to face another fear.

Days later, I’d received a call with my results. This was my reaction…(ugly cry)

Things didn’t come back normal. I have to pause and be grateful that I don’t have brain cancer. It was a far-fetched possibility, but nevertheless, a possibility. Still, You don’t ever want to be told that there’s something wrong with you…reminded that our time here is limited.

“Cavernous Malformation & Developmental Venous Anomaly (DVA)”

That’s a whole lot of fancy words. Basically, I have a cluster of blood vessels* in my brain and a small compartment filled with “stuff”. I lovingly started calling it my cluster-eff. I am prone to headache, nausea, visual disturbances, sleepiness/somnolence, and other neurological deficits (imbalance being one of them). I have a reason, now, for why I have felt the way I’ve felt for so many years. That makes me very happy. But in addition to those things, I am also at risk for hemorrhage, seizures, aneurysm, and stroke. Do you know how many concussions and other head injuries I’ve had in my life?  I am well aware of how lucky I am to have not experienced any of these major issues as a result.

I will soon have an appointment with a neurologist. Right now, I know my options are surgery or no surgery. I’m hoping there are other options. I’m optimistic that things aren’t as worrisome as I initially thought, but I won’t know for sure until my appointment.

I do see it as a reminder for me to stay my course. To live my life fully and completely, absent of things (and people) that cause distress. To embrace the gifts I’ve been given. Literally, embrace them…my best friends near and far immediately by my side supporting me. In a discussion with my Beloved, he told me quite frankly, “Bianca, we are all given the same amount of time here on Earth.” Questioning, I gave him a look, and asked, “How is that so? We are each given different years, some more than others.” To which he replied, “Bianca, we are all given a lifetime, that is the measure. I fully intend to make the most of the rest of my lifetime with you.” I choked back tears, nodded my head, and then we proceeded to discuss our budget and monthly plans, because that’s how we roll. Life still goes on and we just can’t stop.

I hope if you are having real health issues, please go get them looked at. Don’t hesitate! And it is ok to talk about your worries and fears. You aren’t alone in your struggle. If you feel you are alone, drop me a line. I’ll listen to you. I’ll support you and will virtually hold your hand. *hug* It’s gonna be ok!

*(I hope it is in the starburst shape!!…gotta look at positive in this)