Being the mom is not my job, it is who I am. I recently read an article where someone replied to the article and subsequent comments with this text. It sparked something within me to write my own perspective on this comment.

BM, my schedule was still filled with all sorts of activities. Lately, I’ve really been questioning my priorities. One of my friends once said, “You can’t be both a good mom and have a career.” At my horrified look, she followed it up with, “Well for me, I know I can’t be the perfect mother I want to be AND have a career.” But the damage had already been done and that comment resonated in my body and rocked the core. Defiant and angered, I wanted to set out to prove her wrong. Fast forward several years and I stand here both a mother and a career-minded professional. I know there are people out there who believe that very statement she made. Some people very close to me have made similar statements to me and have actually made me stop and second guess myself, which, quite frankly, isn’t something that is easily done. Again, I was in a place that I can count on one hand when I’ve been in a lull, constantly second guessing my every action. I went into a mini-depression of sorts, coming unhinged at the slightest emotional detail. I’d set Mari down and she’d start crying, so I would pick her up and suffer lower back pain for carrying her for extended periods of time because I didn’t want to be a bad mom for letting her cry. Every little thing, I had the “but I don’t want to be a bad mom” the proceeded every action. I felt like I was falling and had no idea when I’d land. I was very frustrated and things in my head weren’t clear. Things kept spinning, I was stressing myself, and I swear I was borderline hallucinating. I was losing perspective on it all and well, it was very unbecoming. I was paranoid and fearful. Instead of succeeding at everything, I was failing miserably at it all.

Then, I had a lovely conversation with a nurse practitioner at my daughter’s pediatrician’s office. Karen, God bless her, flat out told me: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Just because you are first time mom doesn’t mean you don’t know anything. You are well-more equipped than I was when I was a first time mom, with all of the books, Internet, friends, and family. It’s a wonder any of us survived, because at some point or another, all of our mothers and grandmothers were first time moms. So don’t let anyone tell you how to be a parent, not even your mother! You’re a great mom and keep it up.

And so that funk spell was broken and I realized that being a mom is not my job, it is WHO I am. I’m a writer as my job, but I’m a mom all the time, like my eyes are brown, like my left foot is slightly smaller than my right, that my cheeks get bright red when I’m both happy and excited. It’s me. And I’m good at being a mom not because I can nurture, kiss away boo-boos, sing funny songs, or cook homemade meals. I’m a good mom because no matter the moment it calls for me to be a mother, everything else get dropped and I’m there. Anyone who is a good parent would do the same. I admire single parents because they have that extra creativity to make such things happen, when you have a daycare crisis and you have to make the choice to leave work early to go pick up the kids. (but what you don’t see is that they are up until the wee hours of the night to make up those efforts) Oh yes, they earn those dark circles under their eyes, just like I earned every single stretch mark from my pregnancy, nature’s tattoos, if you will. I’m every so fortunate to have a partner who listens when I talk and together we can strategize to take on the world and to make the best decisions for OUR family. (Sidenote: That’s the main thing that our Engaged Encounter Retreat taught us: DIALOGUE) Being healthy is important to live longer to be able to enjoy my life with my family without other health struggles that are encouraged with being overweight. I had to think of ways to be actively engaged in family activities. I was becoming a helicopter, hovering parent but I want Mari to grow to be independent, inquisitive, and emotionally stable: two mindsets that are opposite of the other.

Now, I get up early to get ready for work. Don preps Mari for school. I go down the hall to finish loading her bag. By the time I’m finished, it’s time to kiss goodbye and off we go. I drop her off to school and in the commute time to work, I put on my career hat. I work a full day and I’m surrounded by images of the ones I love to remind my why I work. At the end of the day, I have time to fit in a quick workout (simultaneously avoiding traffic), and get home to finish prepping dinner with my husband. We sit down and eat together and then have family time. It’s life-balance, and even if I didn’t have a full-time job, I’d have to work hard to maintain that level of balance. (and yes, I still get less sleep than BM, but much more than I was getting before!) This wasn't something was achieved overnight. We're still working out the kinks, but this frees up time for Don as well. He has time to get in his workouts in the morning before school instead of worrying about rushing after work. Both of us are less stressed because we aren't rushing as much.

I believe that yes, I’m both a good mom and have a career. I know several women who are equally as successful. Many of whom I follow on here.

So what does the statement Being the mom is not my job, it is who I am mean to you?

new look, new feel

i'm being brave and thought i'd try out a new look. thoughts?

Thinnest Crust Pizza with Asiago, Chicken, and Mushrooms

2 Whole Wheat Tortilla Wrap
2 Grilled Chicken Breasts diced
1/2 Sliced Red Onion
1 C Shredded Asiago
1/4 C Low Fat Cottage Cheese
1 pkg Diced Mushrooms

Tools: baking sheets, parchment paper

Preheat oven 450 degrees. Line baking sheets with parchment paper, then lay wrap on top of paper.

Sprinkle with asiago, and dollop on cottage cheese (the original recipe called for skim ricotta, but I couldn't find it, so I went with low fat cottage cheese). Sprinkle mushrooms, onion, and chicken, then season with salt and pepper.

Bake until crust is very crisp and brown. Ours was for 10 min AND we lowered the temp to 425 degrees.

We estimated that this meal cost us less than $5 total. For experimentation next time, I want to add some roasted artichokes and fresh spinach. Don said he wanted to try the Ricotta and add more onions. All in all it was very, very delicious!
T
hat glass of vino was from Spain and went EXTREMELY well with the pizza. YUM!

New Goal: Frugal Dining

Because we are actively using using Mint.com, we've become well aware of our spending habits on food. Not only are we spending an inordinate amount of money, but our waistlines are suffering from it (no way to track the calories really, no guarantee on the quality of foods, etc...).

We sat down and decided that in our best interest, and Mari's too, that we sit down at the table to eat our meals and spend time together preparing them. I pulled out the ol' Everyday Foods magazine from last year around this time and started thumbing through the pages for recipes. Before I knew it, I had a week and a half worth of dinners (where we wouldn't have to repeat a meal) and if I was creative, I could stretch it out to 2 weeks! I took our grocery list pad off of the fridge and feverishly checked off each ingredient and adding others. After an hours work total, I put it aside and started looking up coupons, while Don caught up on his DVDs in the background. It worked really well!

We headed to the store and bought our stuff. At $150 later, I wasn't pleased that we didn't save as much (by percentage) like we normally do, but most times, you don't get coupons for fresh produce, let alone organic. The coupons I did use, were doubled, so that was a bonus that I hadn't expected! And, we qualified for the 10 cents off for our gas purchases too. I guess all was not lost. (By the way, I LOVE THE GROCERY STORE! It's my happy place, random, huh?)

We get home and unload everything. That night because it was so late when we went shopping, we ate one of the rotisserie chickens they had on sale with some steamed spinach.

Last night, though, I get home and Don already has the food prepped! Our homemade Marinara sauce is simmering on the stove and he's getting ready to bread the chicken. He was waiting for me to pick the type of pasta and was about to saute the mushrooms.

Light Chicken Parmesan with Whole Wheat Pasta and Broccoli Rabe and homemade Marinara with Mushrooms

Chicken breasts breaded on one side and baked, lightly topped with parmesan.
Rotini pasta tossed in olive oil with blanched broccoli Rabe (thanks Simon, it
turned out perfectly!). Diced tomatoes simmering, with a touch of tomato paste,
a pinch of red pepper, and sauteed mushrooms.

We chatted while prepping our meal, catching up on the day's events. Mari napped. I went ahead and chopped veggies for Thursday night's meal. We sipped on vino. The food was ready, so I prepped the pasta while Don plated the chicken and marinara. We sat down at the table to eat and OMG, it was delicious. I can see us making this meal in the future, but possibly adding jalapenos to the top when we add the cheese, b/c the jalapenos Don grows are AMAZING! It reminded me of when we were first living together and later married. We saved a whole heck of a lot of money by cooking so much and I don't remember our fridge ever being empty. I loved that we controlled the ingredients (organic and free range!). I knew the calorie count (thank you Everyday Food!). We had some incredible quality time spent together. It was a lovely evening and has me ecstatic about the future. We calculated our meal to cost about $10 total (not including the wine, but that was actually a gift from My Michael and it was delicious, by the way. We heart South American vino!), and we had leftovers, enough for another full meal! High five!

Here's to hoping we can keep it up. Then again, I think we will. I fondly remember helping my mom out in the kitchen to prepare dinner and I want to share that with Mari as well. She already enjoys hanging out in the kitchen while we're there and she understands that the oven is "dangerous" when it is on. She's not frightened by the noises of the chopper, food processor, blender, or mixer.

Next time, I'll keep the tripod in the kitchen so you can see the prep and finished product.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

Where've I been? I apologize for being a bit MIA lately, but I've been in seclusion firing all creative pistons for Mari-Jule's 1st birthday. I've been planning this thing ever since she was in utero and it dawned on me that I have just under a month until the big day and I hadn't had all of the components in line.

I fast and furiously pulled up all of the emails I've been collecting and starting clicking away and ordering up a frenzy. Well a scaled back frenzy. I purposefully slashed the budget in half because, well, c'mon, it's her first birthday party. I can't set up too much of a spectacle, because well, I'll hopefully have many, many more to plan.

Anyway, this year's theme is Wizard of Oz. I probably could've waited until she was a bit older to do this theme, but quite frankly, deep inside of me, I knew she'd be walking by now and how adorable would some ruby red slippers be on a little toddler??? I found a delightful pair that are still too big on her, but I stuffed 'em with tissue paper and that did the trick!


On Sunday, her cousins came over to hang out and we all went to the park. They assisted me with a photo shoot I had for her snail mail invitations. Here's a sneak peek:

I also took out the old sketch pad and drew up plans for a cake. Since I'm attempting to be more frugal this year, I will venture off on my own to make it. Actually, cousin Simon is going to help me (thank the Lord!!), but at least I drew it out and will know what it "should" look like. I'm going to attempt a 3-tiered topsy turvy cake. The winding on the outside will resemble the tornado. the tops of the cakes will be a yellow brick road, which winds to the top where the Emerald City will be located. I found these green plastic stirrers at Party City that I'll hot glue together to construct the Emerald City cake topper. Oh, and you can't forget about the tiny striped legs that the cake will have "landed" on, which represent the Wicked Witch of the East. :D In theory it sounds great, in reality, well, we'll see. Oh, and while shopping, I found a cupcake cake that they can slightly modify to look like the yellow brick road. These will be covered with the tiny ruby red slipper candle holders, one for each child to have to blow out for their very own while Mari blows out her candle. :D I found the candle holders, along with her pinata and birthday sign at Birthday Express. I'd found a free shipping coupon online and within less than a week, I had my order!

One of my besties came over during the weekend and we put together some poppies for the poppy field. I found a nifty poppy flower making kit at Paper Source! They were having an awesome sale, and for those of you who know me know that I have an addiction to that store akin to JoAnn's (ok, ok, more so than JoAnn's!) We got a dozen made and only have 6 remaining. One of the other besties is going to get some yellow butcher paper and we're going to construct a bonafide yellow brick road! Our balloon vendor from the wedding mailed us a GINORMOUS 3 ft. white balloon that we'll turn into the State Fair of Omaha balloon that the Wizard used to leave Oz. Speaking of balloons, but of course we'll have balloons. A rainbow spectrum of balloons will surround the sign welcoming everyone.

Mari is dressing as Dorothy. I'll be Glinda, and then later switch to a regular munchkin since their outfits are easier to maneuver around in, we'll see. Guapo is Toto. Don is going to dress up as one of the Lollipop Guild Members (along with Brother! Where's Will to complete the trifecta???). I need some activities for the kids. I was going to do a polaroid take-home gift, but what else? We'll have rainbow jello shots for the adults, ha ha!

Finally, we'll have build your own taco salad (because nothing says Wizard of Oz more than taco salad, huh?) and we're giving rainbows as favors, sidewalk paint to be exact! I'm ecstatic!! You all know how much I love birthdays, love planning parties, love a reason to celebrate life, and well, this is going to be awesome! Birthdays growing up were always a big deal. My mom would make a big to-do for us (heck, even that one year, on my 9th birthday when they forgot, and I reminded them at the end of the day, Dad took me shopping for my gift, and by the time I was home, Mom had decorated the house, gotten a cake and had friends at the house to sing to me!). This was the foundation of the usual celebration of the birthday month (which this year MIGHT be scaled back to the birthday week, YIKES!!) and big, fun parties. Thank you Mom for making our special days extra, extra special!

To add to it, one of my co-workers gave me his old 50mm lens. It occasionally errors out in low light and since he replaced it (because one of his little ones knocked the lens over and after he missed a few shots he knew he needed to replace it!) and was going to throw it away anyway, he gave it to me to "test" out before I decided to buy my own. You know what, I love it!!! Here's a sample photo that I grabbed with it. So absolutely clear with the proper blurs!! How ever did I not have this lens before???
Also, Mari had an awful ear infection that required antibiotics. I was against using them at first, but when I saw that her 3 week cough instantly faded, I knew we made the right choice. Unfortunately, the meds give her diarrhea and well, despite our best efforts of going through 15 diapers in a day to keep her clean, she got a really bad diaper rash. :( Luckily for me, we have a boutique nearby that sells cloth diapers. I bought 3 Bum Genius AIO pocket diapers and they work like a charm. I already had 1 AIO diaper, so we put those babies to work and she love 'em. They make her look like she's walking around with a J.Lo booty, but they are definitely better on the rash. Unfortunately, when she goes to school, she is totally disposable, so she'll easily go through 5 - 9 diapers while she's there. We gave up on Boudreaux's Butt Paste. Desitin was just making OUR hands softer. Vaseline worked, but only for a bit. Now, we are using a combination of Triple Paste and Dr. Smith's cream. Both are working like a charm. We also introduced a heavy dose of acidophilus mixed into the food I made, and it is in her yobaby yogurt that she eats at least once a day. BTW, that Yo Baby stuff is AMAZING!! The rash is clearing up and it is no longer as much of a nightmare to change her diaper. While my hands are ridiculously soft, my nails suffered from the cleaning products (yes, we were bathing her frequently and let's just say she has a leg up on potty training!). Every single nail that I'd actually grown out to a nice length has now been reduced to a teeny tiny nub. Oh well, here's to hoping they'll grow to a respectable length soon!

So that's all folks. That's what I've been up to. Seriously, though, what are some other ideas for kids activities? And those of you with kiddos (I'm talking to you Julie, Shannon, and Zar!) can come celebrate too!

p.s. it is Girl Scout cookie time and I've already order 6 boxes!! Lucky for me, half of them I bought to be shipped off to our troops.

Suddenly It Split Into Three Whirling Masses of Destruction...

Early this morning, Mari woke up hungry. This entire week, she's been up at 5AM famished. We give her a bottle and she'll pass right out. Since Don is in training, he was out running, so Mari joined me in bed for her early morning snack. Immediately afterwards, she snuggled in tightly and fell asleep. I didn't need any extra persuasion, I was off dreaming again. This time, it was too real, though.

I was sitting in our office boardroom having a meeting. We were talking
about a current project and such. No big deal. In the boardroom, we have this
large window that I do my best to sit with my back towards it, because I find
myself looking out too much. This time, I didn't make it to the meeting early
enough, so I was facing the window. The sky was gorgeous, but I was asked a
direct question. I was so wrapped up in the conversation that I didn't look
outside. When I paused to look out, there it was. I gasped and grabbed Richard's
arm. His eyes followed my gaze and he quit talking for a moment, then proceeded
to calmly say, "We need to get out of here now!" I jumped up and ran down the
hall. I hollered at Jenna and said, "Get your things! Don't ask, just go NOW!" I
pointed out of the window and she looked. These beautiful, puffly black clouds
began to drop in the distance. I sprinted to the other side and grabbed Deidre
and Laura. I asked them about Xochitl and they said she'd already left for the
day. I told them about the sky, all in a matter of seconds. We ran to stairwell,
where I left them to run up the stairs. I needed to tell the guys! I passed the
window again, on my way up and saw this huge funnel cloud drop from the sky so
gracefully violent like a spider falls from the silken web strand. My heart
raced and I ran into Tom. "Tornado! Exit now!" By this time, everyone had poked
their heads out and we could see it creeping closer to us. Before I hit the
exits, I saw that it had given birth! It had suddendly split into three whirling masses of destruction. A tornado family, angry and hungry. I could see the flashing lights of firemen and rescue crew in the distance. I heard the sirens as I took the stairs two by two.

I didn't know what to think. I didn't really know where to go. Why was I
going down the stairs? This is what we do in case of fire, but what about a
tornado? We didn't practice that! I didn't read the manual for that. What if the
building collapsed, do I really want to be stuck at the bottom. In any case, I
made it down and ran to the 1st floor bathroom. Surprisingly, there were only a
couple of other women in there with me. We huddled together, quietly, shaking,
and praying.

And then I woke up. Heart racing so fast, I was certain it would wake Mari. Before me stood my beloved, about to kiss me awake. I nearly shrieked, but I swallowed and my morning voice, cracky and sore, I told him my nightmare. He just stroked my face and said, it was just a dream. It's ok. I calmed down, but I can't shake that image. So big and beautiful, but dangerous. And now I'm looking up instructions of what I need to do in case of a tornado!

11 Months...My Where Did the Time Go?

Happy Birthday to my darling baby! One more monthly birthday and then we celebrate yearly. Sigh...

This week I told Don that I hated doing her laundry, not just because I hate doing laundry, but because it seems that every time we are folding clothes to be put away, we have to store more and more aside because she's outgrown them. So many precious pieces I remember picking out for her, some before she was even born, in anticipation of the day where she'd grow into it. And now, well, they just don't fit. Her pants are like shorts and yes, some of them are too darn cute, I dress her in them to showcase her cutie-patootie tights. I know, I'm just in denial!

With that, here are some milestones:

• She's running! Not that effectively just yet, but still making fast strides to escape us.
• Speaking of escape, she understands the concept of chasing and being chased. She loves "playing" with Daddy, Mommy, and Guapo.
• Speaking of big brother Guapo, she loved all of his toys for Christmas. So much so that she goes to his toy bin and spreads them all out and trys to give each one to him and reserving some of her own play time with his toys. The sullen look on his face is priceless. Totally a: but Mooooom, I don't want to share!
• Her hair is long enough for a pig tail. This weekend I'll experiment with two piggies to see how they stand up. (Her hair in the picture below has remnants of her pig tail.)
• She really enjoys feeding herself, so I will sit her in the high chair and let her happily munch away on cheerios, bananas, goldfish, and other finger foods. Yum!
• Her favorite thing to do is observe and explore. She's so fascinated with watching us cook, get ready in the morning, feed Guapo, do laundry, anything we do she wants to be right there taking it all in.
  

Parenthood is amazing! Have a fabulous day!

I'm All for International Business...

but when did it become the norm for our stores to be filled with items made OUTSIDE of USA??? Yesterday, I had to pop into Babies R Us to pick up some essentials for the little one. (She's growing up so fast and she needs a sippy cup and utensils of her own.) I spent half an hour looking for a sippy cup that was made in the USA. Didn't find one single cup. NOT ONE! I'd narrowed down my search to one NOT made in China. There were two: one made in England and the other India. I bought the one made in England because it was cuter. I was seriously apalled that there was such a lack of choice. No wonder our economy sucks. We stopped producing and focused our efforts solely on consuming.

Please, if you know of places that sell Made in the USA items, please let me know.

Oh and I didn't find one single utensil set for her that wasn't made in China. Last year I was so paranoid with BPA and phtalate free items, that I didn't think of buying American as much. This year, I'm focusing more on American made things. Once upon a time, Made in the USA stood for quality and pride. We used to build things to last, not to throwaway.

Last night while watching the football game, there was an Allstate commercial talking about getting back to basics, especially in time of a recession. Spending quality time with family, cooking meals at home, sharing with friends, all of those things that we grew up with and I couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic. I remember riding a bike to my friends house and playing outside all summer long, bouncing from house to house. I remember hearing stories about a creepy white van filled with strangers offering candy, but I was usually surrounded by my sister's friends that I wouldn't have to worry about such things. God forbid a big bad stranger meet up with that rogue crew of rabblerousers. We invented games on a daily basis. We would fashion our own slip 'n slide out of Hefty garbage bags and a water hose. We'd make do with spare parts from the garage to build our forts, and it didn't matter if we had blisters or a splinter. We didn't wear safety goggles or gloves. My knees were scraped and scuffed underneath my pocket skirts my grandmother sewed with love for me. Birthday parties were at home with a homemade banner, balloons, and a cake my mother baked herself. I handmade all of my Valentines. I remember asking my mom why we couldn't just buy them and she couldn't articulate the why then. Now that I'm older, I understand and appreciate.

And I feel guilty. How will Mari be able to grow up in a world similar to my own with all of the modern luxuries at her fingertips, but I won't let her use them. How can I impart that handmade is a good thing. Taking the time to craft something and to MAKE something beautiful is far more important and soulful than going to the store to buy something cheaply made.

On our travels over Christmas, we were so very happy at the thought of going to Kansas, but at the same time, we were saddened by how much more commercialized it is becoming. Something that I complained about initially, is actually saddening me. All of the mom and pop shops are disappearing and being replaced. We entertain the thought of moving to a place like that, but then we are reminded why we like it here. Not for the conveniences, but for the things we can't find anywhere else. For example, Chettinad Palace has a special place in our hearts. We love that we can find a diverse mix of cultural cuisine within a 15 minute drive. I was craving some Palak Paneer and Paneer Tikka Masala over the holidays, but we'd have to wait until we returned before we could have any. The cultural diversity just wasn't there.

But I have hope. I think we can make a change and I know our generation can do better! Do you think we can?

Take a Walk Down Memory Lane With Me

One of the blogs I stalk has this RAD playlist up and I had to "borrow" it. Enjoy!

p.s. John Hughes is flippin' brilliant, so what ever happened to him??

Live from Mokas

I snuck away to a local coffee shop to gain access to the Internets. My MIL has a cable modem, but it isn't wireless and my computer doesn't have a connector for such a thing and I didn't want to spend too many of my brain cells trying to figure it all out, so I headed over here. Plus, their drinks aren't too shabby. Granted, they are no Gachet, but it'll do.

Anyway, MIL and I were some busy bees yesterday crafting away. Then again, what else are you supposed to do when it to too chilly dog outside to go running? :)

(sidenote: I'm watching some kids play around 3 and 4-wheelers in the icy parking lot across the street)

This first bit is a strap for a bag that I made for one of my besties as a Christmas gift. It's not ruining the surprise because she doesn't come on here are read what I post. ha ha!

How stinkin' cute are these pants?? I think they turned out pretty good considering we didn't use a pattern. Just sorta cut out the pants and sewed. By the way, Carol did all of the sewing and I did the cutting. We were a lean mean assembly line. I was channeling my inner sweatshop worker! Ok, ok, back to the pants. I found this material and fell in love. We had a bit leftover, so we went ahead and made her a dress out of it.
Speaking of dresses, I found this awesomely bold and bright corduroy material and knew that Mari had to HAVE something from it. A dress it was and here it is before we constructed it. (You can see the beginnings of the pants behind it too!)

Here is the happy baby modeling it. LOVE the little whale on it too! Don't mind the scratch on her nose. The first day we were here, she was playing in the pack and play and of the 4 teeny tiny exposed plastic parts, she found one of them while trying to climb out and well, that's where she got that little scratch. She is DEFINITELY my little one. And you would've thought she would have learned about climbing, but she tried to climb on the baby gate and knocked it and herself over. No bumps or scrapes, thank God! But it was a scare. I need to watch out for her, huh!!

We also put her Cricut to work!! I made several cards for the upcoming year and got a few items together for other little gifts I want to put together. I also made some of the favors for Mari's 1st birthday party! Whee!! Seriously, we were on fire! I have a couple of more bags to make, another dress, and maybe some more cards.

One of my resolutions is to not spend money, but to use what I already have. No more store bought cards or store bought stationery either. I must make do with what I own. We'll see how that works out! Now I'm off to make some more cake balls!

With that, MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Here's another photo of Mari with Santa. She's so stinkin' cute in her antlers, huh! Too bad Santa looks a little hungover. He was nice and asked me in advance if it was ok for Mari to have a lolli. I said, ok, but she had no interest in it. Granted, it was BEFORE I let her taste it, but I did wave it in front of her and she shoved it aside, so it's all good.

Hope you all have a safe and happy Christmas. More photos to come in a later blog!